Batman: The Worst Two

Batman and Robin

The above pic is a G-rated one. For the PG-13 version, go here. Anyway,for the children of this age who have not been subjected to Joel Schumacher’s third degree torture, you are blessed. Because we have seen a multi-million franchise to have been lifted from being a campy TV franchise to a Gothic vision (by Tim Burton, which had its flaws, but we love it) and then just been BUTCHERED. Batman Forever was, as they say, the beginning of the end, and Batman and Robin was the last nail in the coffin (until it was ressurected by Nolan ). Still makes me wonder sometimes what was going through the mind of Joel Schumacher and the guys at Warner Bros when they made these two (the first one-Batman Forever in the year 1995-3 years after Batman Returns, and the second one: Batman and Robin in 1997). And I often imagine the following dialogues.

Joel: (while watching Burton’s versions) Oh Burton Burton..!! He must be so disturbed.Need more lights, more fluorescence. Ladies-Uma Thurman, Drew Barrymore, Nicole Kidman, beat that!! oh that lady in the Crying video. More Gay appeal. Clooney, c’mon you are sport enough to flash bat Nipples yeah!! And yeah, some good bulge as well. Robin, we’ll have a butt shot. And yes, Tommy Jones-we don’t have much budget, you have to do your own make-up. We’ll have the future Governor of CA as the cold villain. (Evil Laugh).

WB guys: Joel, consider Jim Carrey for the Riddler. The guy is insanely good.

Joel: Jim who?

The rest as they say is history. All that I write for the two movies here are based on the bleak and yet disturbed memories that I had after watching these two cinematic crap-bags almost 5 years ago. And no, I didn’t watch it again to blurt it all out. Just thought this one would be a good sequel to my previous post: Batman -The First Two. I promise to keep it short, and sorry no screenshots to grace this post.

Batman ForeverBatman Forever: I can imagine how people would have felt in 1995 to have waited for the movie to follow Batman Returns and to have seen this. I know it has Val Kilmer and Jim Carrey, but it’s Joel Schumacher all over. It completely lacks Burton, Michael Keaton and the darkness involved. This felt like fast food, low cholestrol, low calorie and half baked ( by which I mean it is BAD). Romance wise, Nicole and Val Kilmer did click more than Bruce Wayne and Vicky Vale, or Selina Kyle maybe. The schizophrenia of Harvey Dent-Two Face was completely annoying,awful and much like a wannabe impersonation of Nicholson’s Joker, only with a worse makeup. There are only two things good about this movie, and one of them isn’t in the movie. Yeah, it is Seal’s OST-Kiss From a Rose. The second one is – but of course, Jim Carrey as Edward Nygma aka the Riddler. He personifies the comic book character down the last inch and is the only one who keeps this movie from being unwatchable. He completely overtook the lead in this flick (like in all other Batman movies, the villains enjoy the coveted role e.g. Joker, Penguin, arguably Scarecrow also and Riddler makes it to the list as well). But then, do we care at all? And oh yes, just to add to that annoyance, Joel Schumacher says-eh! just not gay enough,this one introduced Robin.

Batman and RobinBatman and Robin: This one actually makes sense if there is an explanation about Joel Schumacher’s upbringing. Perhaps, he has an intrinsic hatred towards Batman-the character or just bats. And that’s why consciously made it to this level of crap-piness. George Clooney flashes his shiny disco balls-err…nipples on the bat-suit. He carries on to be more of Clooney than be Wayne.Then we have the catch phrase churning machine who is blue in color, and is anything but Mr.Freeze. Mr.Schwarzenegger is in no way a cold psychopath, like the Mr.Freeze of DC Comics.And then, there is one of my favorite action stars Uma Thurman as nerdy botanist Dr.Pamela who suddenly turns into a seductress who emits pheromones. This movie was bad ,worse and worst when it comes to casting. Wait a min. This actually is not limited to only casting. But moving on, next up is Alicia Silverstone as the rebellious and ‘Clueless’ Batgirl. I’d rather not talk about her role or I’ll upset Steven Tyler. And just when you thought it was done, Joel Schumacher shouts- Not Gay Enough!!! Hmm, Robin!!! Robin!!! Flash your butt. Camera Zoooming. Nuff said! To end this post, I’ll leave you with an embed of a Youtube video titled: BATMAN AND ROBIN WORST MOVIE EVER

The next post is the review of the new anime: Batman:Gotham Knight which supposedly links Batman Begins and Dark Knight. Hope to see you there!!

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6 thoughts to “Batman: The Worst Two”

  1. Joel’s version were all a studio forced churn out at making Batman look more kid-friendly and colorful. A lot of the blame does go to WB. Such a crap franchise it was then. Thanks to Nolan for resurrecting it.

    And thanks to you Sujoy, for such a wonderful post


  2. The suits in Batman and Robin looked awful, the hard nipples looked disturbing. I feel kind of sorry for the actors who were part of these movies.

    I like Batman, but these movies were just awful.


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