When the world is busy fighting the evils of capitalism and the double-faced monsters of austerity, Viacom 18 and Endemol India have conjured up this much bigger evil of unleashing the Hydra version of Bollywood’s biggest slut – Shakti ‘Aaoo’ Kapoor, and has given him 11 “laundiyas” to play with. If you think that with that comment, I just objectified women, then you should check out how Colors is actually promoting it. Ladies and Gentlemen, quite against our initial apprehensive thought that this reality TV series would make it to its 5th incarnation, Bigg Boss Season 5 is here. And with national media covering every move, there is just no escaping this absolutely unnecessary and unwanted television show. Producers are just happy creating more TRP by means of the outrageous characterisation of the “Reality TV” versions of these “has-been” and “wannabe” celebs. And we as a nation, are happy to keep tuning in, no matter how much we continue to despise it.
Although I can’t believe that I am actually writing about something I absolutely hate, I have to keep reminding myself that this is for the greater good of stopping as many people as I can from watching this show. So, if you care to survive through this shit-storm, then hit the jump as we discuss through the Season premiére of Big Boss Season 5.
As you might have seen (or failed miserably to avoid not seeing) the promos, there’s Shakti Kapoor having the time of his life with 11 women. For the first time in the history of mankind, the scale of man:woman ratio has tipped on the female side (unlike Engineering colleges and B-Schools). But that is not quite the first shock that you get in this year’s lineup. Apart from the inclusion of Shakti, there is hardly anything left to talk about. Yes, the channel is promoting it as the headline churner machine that it was in the previous seasons, but this list of fairly unknowns are just no match with what the rumour mill has been talking about. There is no Madhuri, no Mike Tyson, and no Shakira (I can’t reveal my sources).
This year’s lineup has neither any Kamaal R Khan equivalent, nor anyone who can pose to be a Dolly Bindra. But most importantly, there is no real oomph to the show. The strategically and numerogically placed extra ‘G’ in BIGG BOSS, somehow only translates into Gandupanti this season. What can we say about the lineup of ladies –
Wife of a Criminal, a Eunuch, One Hit wonder erstwhile popstar, the lady who lifted her red skirts in slow mo, TV hosts and VJs, and the rest can be categorised under – “No one doesn’t care to give a single fuck about them”.
On the other hand, the hosting lineup is bigger than ever. Salman is back in the host avatar, and has bigger bicep-ed and flabbier bellied Sanju baba helping him out as co-host. They enter in matching leather jackets and bikes and flash a glare here and a stare there. The budget of the promo video looks more than what the producers agreed to spend on bringing together this year’s line-up of housemates. And when you think that Salman-Sanju jodi will bring a good sense of comic jugalbandi twist to the show, Sanju baba disappoints. There’s hardly any chemistry flying across, and seems Sallu’s comic second half from Chal Mere Bhai has evaporated in this TV version. Would it have been a better idea to get Arshad and Sanju do some Munna-Circuit version of TV instead? Wishful thinking.
The opening episode, as per tradition, had its fair share of opening acts, but nothing magnificent enough even by TV awards shows standards. There’s the obligatory promotion of Sanju’s next film – David Dhawan’s Rascals. And by the time all the contestants get settled in the house, you realise that Shakti Kapoor is the most high profile celeb in the list. And THAT pretty much sums it all up.
Will I be watching the show? Abso-fucking-lutely NO! But yes, like all the voyeurs of Bigg Boss out there, I’ll be looking out for what’s everyone tweeting about.