When the world is busy fighting the evils of capitalism and the double-faced monsters of austerity, Viacom 18  and Endemol India have conjured up this much bigger evil of unleashing the  Hydra version of Bollywood’s biggest slut – Shakti ‘Aaoo’ Kapoor, and has given him 11 “laundiyas” to play with. If you think that with that comment, I just objectified women, then you should check out how Colors is actually promoting it. Ladies and Gentlemen, quite against our initial apprehensive thought that this reality TV series would make it to its 5th incarnation, Bigg Boss Season 5 is here. And with national media covering every move, there is just no escaping this absolutely unnecessary and unwanted television show. Producers are just happy creating more TRP by means of the outrageous characterisation of the “Reality TV” versions of these “has-been” and “wannabe” celebs. And we as a nation, are happy to keep tuning in, no matter how much we continue to despise it.

Although I can’t believe that I am actually writing about something I absolutely hate, I have to keep reminding myself that this is for the greater good of stopping as many people as I can from watching this show. So, if you care to survive through this shit-storm, then hit the jump as we discuss through the Season premiére of Big Boss Season 5.

As you might have seen (or failed miserably to avoid not seeing) the promos, there’s Shakti Kapoor having the time of his life with 11 women. For the first time in the history of mankind, the scale of man:woman ratio has tipped on the female side (unlike Engineering colleges and B-Schools). But that is not quite the first shock that you get in this year’s lineup. Apart from the inclusion of Shakti, there is hardly anything left to talk about. Yes, the channel is promoting it as the headline churner machine that it was in the previous seasons, but this list of fairly unknowns are just no match with what the rumour mill has been talking about. There is no Madhuri, no Mike Tyson, and no Shakira (I can’t reveal my sources).

This year’s lineup has neither any Kamaal R Khan equivalent, nor anyone who can pose to be a Dolly Bindra. But most importantly, there is no real oomph to the show. The strategically and numerogically placed extra ‘G’ in BIGG BOSS, somehow only translates into Gandupanti this season. What can we say about the lineup of ladies -

Wife of a Criminal, a Eunuch, One Hit wonder erstwhile popstar, the lady who lifted her red skirts in slow mo, TV hosts and VJs, and the rest can be categorised under – “No one doesn’t care to give a single fuck about them”.

On the other hand, the hosting lineup is bigger than ever. Salman is back in the host avatar, and has bigger bicep-ed and flabbier bellied Sanju baba helping him out as co-host. They enter in matching leather jackets and bikes and flash a glare here and a stare there. The budget of the promo video looks more than what the producers agreed to spend on bringing together this year’s line-up of housemates. And when you think that Salman-Sanju jodi will bring a good sense of comic jugalbandi twist to the show, Sanju baba disappoints. There’s hardly any chemistry flying across, and seems Sallu’s comic second half from Chal Mere Bhai has evaporated in this TV version. Would it have been a better idea to get Arshad and Sanju do some Munna-Circuit version of TV instead? Wishful thinking.

The opening episode, as per tradition, had its fair share of opening acts, but nothing magnificent enough even by TV awards shows standards. There’s the obligatory promotion of Sanju’s next film – David Dhawan’s Rascals. And by the time all the contestants get settled in the house, you realise that Shakti Kapoor is the most high profile celeb in the list. And THAT pretty much sums it all up.

Will I be watching the show? Abso-fucking-lutely NO! But yes, like all the voyeurs of Bigg Boss out there, I’ll be looking out for what’s everyone tweeting about.

Amidst the flurry of reality TV shows occupying prime-time TV space on Indian channels, there appears one show which even before airing its first episode, claims to be the World’s Biggest Dance show (and hence throwing away the likes of So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing with the Stars and all the other dance shows right into the municipality drains of Dharavi ). This show is called ‘Just Dance’ and stars Hrithik Roshan as the star judge who is nick-named ‘The God of Dance’ in almost every frame possible. The hysteria and the fandom images are randomly strewn all over the place and Hrithik mania seems to be the fever of the nation. By the looks of it, feels like Kaho Naa Pyar Hai is re-releasing or we are all back to 2000 ( the year when Kaho Naa Pyar Hai was released, yes its 11 years old). So, a bit of a reality check here is very much required. It is indeed 2011 and we have come a long way since KNPH. Hrithik has long discarded the hearthrob status and seen his decline in many unfavourable movies. But still somehow he managed to wring out a Rs. 2 crore per episode deal with Star Plus for ‘Just Dance’. The first impression definitely is that this ‘Reality TV’ show is nothing less than a melodramatic, fluffy, saccharine scripted Bollywood fare.

Now I am not a connoisseur of Reality TV shows and neither am I a well read critic. But I certainly can spot the shitty stain on my TV screen. Just so that I do not wander off from my points, here’s a systematically created list of problems that I have with this show - Just Dance.

1. Hrithik = God of Dance ( Bitch, please! )

Even as I utter those words, it all sounds sooooo preposterous and what can be termed in desi lingo as ‘Faltu’. I mean what happened to the greats like Prabhuji Mithun and not to forget Hrithik’s choreographer himself – Prabhu Deva. I don’t see them making any claims of being the best in India. Then how come this God status is bestowed upon Hrithik? Has it got to do with his resemblance to Jesus in Guzaarish? The opening dance act of Hrithik consists of him actually emerging out of water, wiping off his sweat from the forehead (in pure Rajni style), and then dancing alongside a group of dancers in black to Shiamak Davar’s choreography on ‘Dhoom Machale‘, and then a short bit on the awful title theme of Just Dance. Nowhere in that routine did I see flying angels. So please, lose the ‘God of Dance’ bullshit already! And frankly, it must be quite embarrassing for the man himself to be sort of ridiculed by his mates and peers as ‘God of Dance‘.

2. Nothing like the name.

The name says ‘Just Dance’, but its all about everything else. So clearly we see the desperation of the channel to rake in the TRPs. There’s high production values in the form of replica CGI generated crowd introduced to make it look like fucking Wembley stadium is where Just Dance is being organised. The camera often zooms to the paid extras with laughable expressions pointing out their enthusiasm and anxiousness to spot the ‘God’. The aim here was to create an enthusiastic audience, whereas the final product resembles like a cross between Jerry Springer show and any Ekta serial. And finally, there are banners of ‘Marry Me Hrithik’ and bare chests with (hopefully) fake tattoos of Hrithik written in Hindi. What has the nation come to? It all makes sense when you realise that these are all members of the Film City Extra Actors ( or as they call it – Junior Artistes) Association. Bad job Star Plus!

3. The two judges. Farah and Vaibhavi

Never ever in my life would I expect audiences chanting names of Farah, Farah or Vaibhavi,Vaibhavi! It all happens here. Ok, moving on. Why are only the two lady judges sent for the auditions? So, Hrithik clearly is the God who has summoned His Urvashi and Menaka to do the auditions. And the two ‘Apsaras’ never fail to mention their fandom of the actor. Cut the crap of ‘mutual appreciation’ for me and show me some dance. And oh, no crying please, for once puhleez!

4. Drama, Drama, Drama

All the ones who are going to be selected have some sort of a rooted story associated – from being a vegetable man (sounds like a superhero, doesn’t he?) to a girl supporting her widowed mum (sounds very Andaz Apna Apna).Ok, so I am cynical – sue me.  So, if you are just a normal bloke, chances are you are classified as boring. This law holds true for pretty much all reality TV shows, and I am frankly sick of this. Belly dancers are the only exceptions to this rule.

5. Please leave out the ‘So Bad that you gotta watch this’.

I know such videos make good YouTube videos. But can you leave these for the extras/highlights episodes. This is a fucking dance show. And all I have been asking is what the name promised me. So instead of showing people running like mad, or queueing up in the sun for a chance to meet their idols, or judges getting emotional, or showing people with two left feet trying to do Salsa, just show me the bloody dance.

I conclude by saying that Hrithik Roshan is a fine mover, and there is no doubt about that. There are not many people in Bollywood who can do the curvy snake move that he did in ‘Main Aisa Kyon Hoon’. But just stop with all this crapola script of shining a halo around him. And no, to me HR = Human Resources. So stop trying to create merchandise on the lines of an MJ band etc.

And people in the audience, if you are for real wearing those ‘I love Hrithik, Marry Me Hrithik’ T Shirts,  then I have three words for you – Get a fucking life. Stop the bullshit and start the show.

Some of you might know of this that I am right now on a holiday back home. Home means apna des, India. Specifically for me, it is Silchar, Assam, where the grass is still green and not quite polluted by the carbon monoxide in the air, and the roads are not so pretty. Vacation means feasting on the various dishes that I have been deprived of since my last visit (which was last year), sleeping at odd hours, meeting relatives, names of whom I don’t remember or I just don’t care to do so, and finally watching shitty television.

The state of the Indian television has declined drastically over the last few years, and I don’t feel any sort of apprehension in declaring that it needs a radical change in the form of entertainment that is being produced to cater to audiences. While Indian cinema has grown by leaps and bounds in producing not only popcorn and candyfloss entertainers (even though most have the same recycled storylines), but also independent and original storylines, Indian television seems to be stuck in the bottom of a black hole whose gravity has sucked out all its creativity, and all that is left is the cud for all its viewers to chew on and on.  Let me bring to your attention these points.

1. Soaps and Serials (Culprits – Star Plus, Colors, Zee TV)

My mother is an active participant of a fanclub spanning across the nation’s millions of households, where the lady has the control over the remote, and the remote is set to these no-brainer series which seem like an extended version of Hum Aapke Hai Kaun, spiced up with elements of eersha, shadyantra, maryada, rishtey and parampara, with an overdose of hamming up which would even make Suraj Barjatya go – Nahiiiiiiiiii. All of this began with the rise of the Virani family (Kyunki Saans Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi aka KSBKBT), which has spread its wings and spawned its millions of clones across channels, in various vernacular flavours. With KSBKBT, the format of the Mon-Thu run of soaps became the standard fare, and that meant – snail-paced plots and dialogues written to expand through emotions and predicaments of even the ‘maali’ of the house ( the gardener), who actually happens to be the illegitimate father of the only son of the family. With more facepalm moments than ever imaginable, these soaps and serials have one thing in common – the occurrence of a thunderous sound pause and a close-up shot moment for every pivotal character to ponder upon his/her paap in the past. There is only one reason why these soaps and serials continue to be made -  to torture the future generation of this country and for people like me to keep ridiculing them. And btw, has COLORS bought the movie Dabangg on a long term contract, so that they can broadcast it every Sunday?

2. Hindi News (Click the pic above for the News video)

It is ok for tabloid channels like Zoom to discuss at length about the linkups, breakups and party fashion of celebrities and starlets who hardly appear onscreen otherwise. But when proper news channels of the likes of IBN7, Zee News and Aaj Tak focus on tabloid journalism to take a major chunk of their one hour news bulletin, you know its time to change the channel, or even better – switch off the telly. e.g. A regular evening bulletin on Aaj Tak was headlined – Ranbir Ne Maangi Maafi, Diya Apne Linkups ki Safaai ( Ranbir apologised, and gave explanation about his linkups). The question was raised by this Aaj Tak reporter at a launch event of Panasonic TV endorsed by Ranbir Kapoor and Diya Mirza. The reporter jumped over the microphone to ask this question, and Ranbir said – I am very sorry, I feel bad that everywhere I get linked up with anyone. Please do not do so. The reporter shows a smug smile, and takes pride that he succeeded in his mission. And I feel sorry for the state of Indian news to have considered this as a real story. To all the dudes running News channels, we don’t need this shit. We don’t need to know who farted where and who is having dinner with whom and where. I also feel sorry for myself to have watched it, and now I feel sorry to have written about it. Damn!

3. MTV (Roadies, well there’s nothing else left of MTV)

There was a time when MTV meant Music Television. I don’t think that definition holds good anymore. With episodes of Roadies on air 24/7, the only other thing that airs on MTV are the teaser trailers of forthcoming releases. And besides Roadies, there is that other show – Roadies Making, and the other show where the voted out roadie and Raghu give some bol bachan on life and shit. Frankly, who gives a rat’s ass anymore. The only interesting thing about the Roadies are the auditions because like them, or hate them, the twins – Raghu and Rajeev, have a good way of testing people. But that is all. The creative team of MTV hit the jackpot with Roadies, and just like the plague on its international avatar – Jersey Shore, Roadies seems like will keep haunting us for a few more years.

4. HBO, Star Movies, AXN, Star World

When the fuck are these channels arriving in HD? And what the fuck is the deal with those annoying subtitles. There should be an option with DTH systems to be able to disable those annoying texts. That’s all.

5.  IPL

The only saving grace, and the only reason why I can bear staring at the TV screen these days is because in between the breaks of the stupid serials on COLORS, my mother allows me and my dad to switch to Max to watch the IPL. Twenty-Twenty is a lovely format for cricket, and although I couldn’t care less who wins and who loses, every time I see the ball being hit for a six, it feels good.

The only shows that I think are watchable are -

Star Plus – Comedy Ka Maha Mukabla

Zee TV – Dance India Dance

Other little things I noticed -

a.  Star One has a series on Vampires, inspired by Twilight/ Buffy . Dunno, never tried watching them.

b. CID on Sony is still going strong. Daya and Inspector Pradyumna are still together (like in a crime fighting  way).

c. Nobody watches Sahara One, SAB TV ( not even Tarak Mehta Ka Oolta Chashma), Star Utsav, NDTV Imagine etc.

d. There is a Bhojpuri version of KBC about to start on Mahua Channel (not kidding), and it possibly is going to feature Ravi Kishan on the quizmaster’s chair (speculation).

e. There are more Bengali channels than I can count. Star Jalsha has TV serials which look and feel like Balaji serials set in Kolkata, with characters speaking slow motion Bengali, occasionally paused by their inner thoughts and a drum beat of passion.

f. India TV was banned by cable operators in Silchar, due to complaints from customers about obscene content ( from a respectable source). India TV is available on DTH.

g. Thankfully, there’s no Rakhi Sawant on TV for now.

Concluding this post, I want to state that I am still annoyed with these serials featuring lead old ladies speaking with a fake Haryanvi / Rajasthani accent, their joint families living in palatial fortresses, and women in the families having nothing better to do than spy on each other and literally contest for the attention of the same man – that man, speaks in idioms and phrases and sleeps and wakes up with a tilak. How do I know so much ? Because I am subjected to this torture of watching these serials by my mother. Is that what Parampara is all about? Shame on you TV studios and serial makers.

I saw this idea at a post by my good friend Lee at Quit Your Day Job and I couldn’t resist the idea of doing it on my blog. Now we all know by now that I love Television. I love it so much that someday I might even marry it. Although, there are speculations of a divorce between me and Live TV [ which I only watch in case I am liveblogging reality TV shows like X Factor or BGT], yet even while watching recorded Telly, the relation between me and the telly is quite strong. And it has been so for the last ‘I-donno-how-many’ years.

Let’s cut to the chase and explain the concept of this post. I will be enlisting all the US,UK, Aussie etc. TV shows below[not Indian telly basically] that I have seen. The list template was provided by Lee, but it still has some shows to be added. So there are some additions.

Rules:

• Bold all of the following TV shows which you’ve ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime.
• Italicize a show if you’re positive you’ve seen every episode of it.
• Highlight new additions with an Underline.

Coolio. So, here we go. Hit the Jump to be overwhelmed by the sheer length of Telly addiction. Now I know where I missed all my lectures

[BTW, please don't judge me. Yes, I do have a life, and a job, and I don't sit at home, on a smelly leather couch, drinking beer for lunch. KTHXBYE!]

• 24
• 30 Rock
• 90210
• 7th Heaven
• ALF
• Alias
• American Gothic
• American Idol
• America’s Got Talent
• America’s Next Top Model
• Angel
• Arrested Development
• Babylon 5
• Batman: The Animated Series
• Batman Beyond/Batman of the Future
• Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
• Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
• Baywatch
• Beverly Hills 90210 (original)
• Benidorm
• Bewitched
• Bonanza
• Bones
• Bosom Buddies
• Boston Legal
• Boy Meets World
• Brothers And Sisters
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Californication
• Catherine Tate Show
• Chappelle’s Show
• Charlie’s Angels
• Charmed
• Cheers
• Chuck
• Clarissa Explains it All
• Columbo
• Commander in Chief
• Crossing Jordan
• CSI
• CSI: Miami
• CSI: NY
• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• Dark Angel
• Dark Skies
• DaVinci’s Inquest
• Dawson’s Creek
• Dead Like Me
• Deadwood
• Degrassi: The Next Generation – now if this was some of the other Degrassi shows…
• Designing Women
• Desperate Housewives
• Dexter
• Dharma & Greg
• Different Strokes
• Doctor Who – all of current season, I want to italicize this one, but couple of episodes remaining.
• Dragnet
• Due South
• ER
• Everwood
• Everybody Loves Raymond
• Extras
• Facts of Life
• Family Guy
• Farscape
• Fawlty Towers
• Felicity
• Firefly
• FlashForward
• Frasier
• Freaks & Geeks
• Friends
• Fringe
• Futurama
• Gavin and Stacey
• Get Smart
• Gilligan’s Island
• Gilmore Girls
• Gossip Girl
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Grange Hill
• Growing Pains
• Gunsmoke
• Happy Days
• Harry Hill’s TV Burp
• Have I Got News For You
• Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
• Heroes
• Home Improvement
• Homicide: Life on the Street
• House
• How I Met Your Mother
• Ideal
• I Dream of Jeannie
• I Love Lucy
• Invader Zim
• Invasion
• Hell’s Kitchen
• JAG
• Jackass
• Joey
• Kim Possible
• King of Queens
• Knight Rider
• Knight Rider: 2008
• Kung Fu
• Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
• La Femme Nikita
• LA Law
• Laverne and Shirley
• Law and Order
• Law and Order: SVU
• Law and Order: CI
• Leverage
• Little Britain
• Little House on the Prairie
• Live At Appollo
• Lizzie McGuire
• Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
• Lost
• Lost in Space
• MASH
• MacGyver
• Malcolm in the Middle
• Married… With Children
• McLeod’s Daughters
• Melrose Place
• Miami Vice
• Misfits
• Mission: Impossible
• Mock The Week
• Modern Family
• Mod Squad
• Monk
• Mork & Mindy
• Murphy Brown
• My Life As A Dog
• My Three Sons
• My Two Dads
• Mythbusters
• NCIS
• Ned Bigby’s Declassified School Survival Guide
• Nip/Tuck
• Numb3rs
• One Tree Hill
• Oz
• Perry Mason
• Power Rangers
• Press Gang – I loved this show
• Prison Break
• Private Practice
• Privileged
• Profiler
• Project Runway
• Psych
• Pushing Daisies
• QI, This one’s a must see
• Quantum Leap
• Queer As Folk (US)
• Queer as Folk (UK)
• ReGenesis
• Remington Steele
• Rescue Me
• Road Rules
• ROME
• Roseanne
• Roswell
• Sanctuary
• Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
• Scrubs
• Seaquest DSV
• Seinfeld
• Sex and the City
• Six Feet Under
• Slings and Arrows
• Smallville
• So Weird
• South of Nowhere
• South Park
• Spaced
• Spongebob Squarepants
• St. Elsewhere
• Star Trek
• Star Trek: The Next Generation
• Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
• Star Trek: Voyager
• Star Trek: Enterprise
• Stargate Atlantis
• Stargate SG-1
• Starsky & Hutch
• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
• Superman
• Supernatural, I so want to italicize this one as well. But I missed a couple in Season 2. And I have seen none of the current season.
• Surface
• Survivor
• Taxi
• Teen Titans
• That 70’s Show
• That’s So Raven
• The 4400
• The Addams Family
• The Amazing Race
• The Andy Griffith Show
• The A-Team
• The Avengers
• The Beverly Hillbillies
• The Big Bang Theory
• The Brady Bunch
• The Cosby Show
• The Daily Show
• The Dead Zone
• The Dick Van Dyke Show
• The Flintstones
• The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
• The F Word
• The Golden Girls
• The Honeymooners
• The Jeffersons
• The Jetsons
• The L Word
• The Love Boat
• The Magnificent Seven
• The Mary Tyler Moore Show
• The Monkees
• The Munsters
• The O.C.
• The Office (UK)
• The Office (US)
• The Peep Show
• The Powerpuff Girls
• The Pretender
• The Real World
• The Shield
• The Simpsons
• The Six Million Dollar Man
• The Sopranos
• The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
• The Twilight Zone
• The Waltons
• The West Wing
• The Wire, I need to watch more of this.
• The Wonder Years
• The X Factor
• The X-Files
• Third Watch
• Three’s Company
• Top Gear
• Torchwood
• True Blood
• Twin Peaks
• Twitch City
• Unfabulous
• Ugly Betty
• Veronica Mars
• Weeds
• Who Dare Wins
• Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
• Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
• Will and Grace
• Wings
• Xena: Warrior Princess

Anime List:

• Naruto
• Naruto Shippuuden
• Deathnote
• Bleach
• Shaman King
• Basilisk
• Karas
• DragonBall Z
• Pokemon
• Astro Boy
• Avatar
• Devil May Cry

Now I am pretty much sure that I am missing out a lot of other show which I have not added to the list. Yes, I can’t even remember what I was watching
As for Indian TV, I have been limited to catching up on MTV Roadies and MTV Desi Rock On. One thing’s for sure, my mum won’t be proud of my list. Of course, coz her list would include italicised -Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, and Kasauti Zindagi Ki. [Imagine, if they ever released a boxset of DVDs or Blu Ray for those soaps. Ugh!!! No, I am not feeding ideas]

So you tell me, what’s included on your list of Telly.

Image courtesy[ Dhammza]

Just a quick post. These are images from tonight’s Susan Boyle performance Live at ITV1. Susan Boyle performed Wild Horses, Cry Me A River, and also along with the London cast of Les Miserables, she performed her winning single – I Dreamed A Dream. Just one word – Awesome! Another word – Spellbinding.

And yes, the show was hosted by – Piersy Baby!!

…..More Images after the Jump….

Good Night people.

***And the Winner is – Joe McElderry***

So here we are here for the big finale. The final show of the season. To be honest, I have no more interest in the show now that Stacey is no longer in the finals. So, we have Olly vs. Joe for the finals tonight. And in a matter of hours we will get to know the winner of this season’s X Factor. We’ll be there to liveblog it.

But for now, let’s have a look at what are the finalists singing tonight:

Olly
Twist And Shout

Joe
Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey

THE WINNER’S SINGLE

Olly and Joe – The Climb

The live results show starts at 7:30 pm London Time. Be there!

**And the Winner is..**

Not just yet. Coz the phone lines are open still. Olly -2, Joe -3. The judges are in. But first, here’s an ensemble performance from the X Factor final 12.

And hey, people welcome Danyl, Lucie, Jamie and Rachel. And then Lloyd and Rikki, Kandy Rain and Miss Frank. And they’ve their childhood photos in the background. And hello Jedward. And finally Stacey. Not to forget – Olly and Joe. The song btw is Take That – Never Forget.

A quick recap of last night sans Stacey. Round 2 with Robbie and George Michael. I still can’t believe Stacey was voted off last night. Anywho, my job here is to liveblog the events of tonight. So here we are. The results show continues after the break.

——————————————————————

Back to the show. The final show continues. The contestants sing their own favourite tracks from the show.

Olly sings – Twist and Shout. Hmm.

Look, I am no more fussed about who wins this competition. I am just fed up with the competition. I just don’t care anymore. And I don’t care if he sings well, or if he dances in that silly Thriller routine. So, best of luck Olly – may you win this.

Louis sez: You’re a born showman

Danny: Everybody coming to XFactor tour will be looking forward to your performance.

Cheryl: You are in your element.

Simon: You are fearless . [Can't hear beyond this, coz the audience is up with Olly Olly chants]

Like I said before, he is the entertainer, and Joe is the better singer. But Joe is more like music-theatre Broadway musical and not a popstar. So, I guess Olly wins the show. But then, I have been proved wrong on more than one occasion.

Joe performs after the break. C u in a bit!

Update: Susan Boyle performs on ITV1 after the XFactor results show.

————————————————————

Right, back from the break. Cheryl introduces – Joe, who will be singing -Don’t stop Believing. And please, someone stop Cheryl from saying “The Whole Package”.

Right on to the performance. I love love love this song. And if you like Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing, [on a totally different note] try this out – Axis of Awesome: Four Chords. It’s basically a mash up of a lot of hit singles on the same four chords of Don’t Stop Believing. Back to the performance, with this song, Joe is less of a west-end star, and actually a popstar. This should be the kind of songs that he should do, and a spot-on choice.

Louis: You got the voice, the attitude, the charm.

Danny: Definitely the best voice on the stage tonight, no doubt.

Simon: That was a brilliant song choice. Tonight – Brilliant.

Cheryl: Everybody in here believes in you.

Ok, @Daximo exclaimed at the sight of Cheryl’s hair. He thinks that Cheryl has been mugged and dragged through a hedge. A classic case of don’t mess with your hairdresser. LMFAO. And officially we have voted for Joe now.

———————————————————-

Back from the break. And oh people. This is the best thing in the show this season. Apart from Stacey’s ” Wonderful World”. A live collaboration of Alexandra and JLS on “Bad Boy”. This is massive and actually, this song is growing on me. And then the massive JLS hit – Everybody in Love. I love love love this performance.

And now for some Leona Love. She’s singing her latest single – Stop Crying Your Heart Out[Thanks to Kevin for correcting me]. Sorry, I was busy somewhere else [in the loo to be precise]. So I really don’t know how Leona’s performance went. It’s break time now, and the Winner’s single – a Miley Cyrus cover nonetheless -The Climb, will be performed next by Olly and Joe. Brb!

———————————————————-

The Winner’s single. First up Olly. Lemme tell you – I AM NOT into Miley Cyrus and the -I have a dream – type of songs. So I better shut up on this. And it doesn’t matter what I say right now. I have voted for Joe so that Olly does not win.

Ok, right now they are showing Olly’s family members congratulating him and wishing him best of luck. And all that white background and foggy look makes me think – Are they in heaven?

And now over to Joe’s performance. And hang on, I am wrong here now. Coz, if this is a Miley Cyrus song, this should be the pop songs that are the teens are into these days. And coz Joe is nailing this song, Joe definitely has a big shot at becoming a popstar as well as a Broadway star. Hmmm. And anyway, coz Joe has the better voice and vocal talent – I’ll still say – Go Joe Go Joe!!!

And now for Joe’s family wishing all the best. I love Joe’s Nan A recap of the performances from last night, and tonight by the finalists.

And now for a special Guest performance by George Michael – December Song. Just in time you bet! Very cheeky business strategy. No wonder he agreed to perform.

Anywho time for a break.

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Back from the break. And believe or not, we have Sir Paul McCartney performing on the X Factor stage. Phew!

He’s performing Drive My car with the final 12, and that seemed like an Olly song tbh. And we are here in for another one. It’s -Live and Let Die, and the backing singers suck, big time!!

But this song is one helluva grand song. And he may look old, but the man’s still got it!

And I remember he supported and endorsed Geraldine McQueen And bless Simon Cowell to have put Paul Macca through to the next round

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RIght, the lines are closed, and the votes are being counted now.

And the FINAL MOMENT is here now. The winner about to be revealed now. Are you tensed people? I am!!

10 million votes were in for the finals. And the winner is about to be revealed.

The WINNER of XFactor 2009 is : [Please Joe, C'mon Joe] Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…. Joe McElderry!!!

David just deafended both my ears !!! Joe wins!!!

So there we go – Joe McElderry wins the show.

And the winner’s single now. And the final 12 are onstage dressed in white, and apparently, Rachel loves Joe Wooohooo. At least this time, the British people got it right. I bet the atomsphere right now in South Shields must be amazing. Must be like after the Cup finals [you know what I mean].

Phew! That was a stressful journey for me. Liveblogging every week. And now, it’s all gone now, in a moment. I feel nostalgic about the way I got connected to this show, and through this blog, how connected I feel with the X Factor lovers of the show from all over the world. Especially -Annie, Rojhat love you both. Thanks to Rickey for linking, and retweeting every week. Awesome bloke you are Rickey. And all other people who read my blog and commented on it. Thank you all!! I hope to continue blogging on various pop culture and TV stuff. So do give a visit once in a while.

But for now, I’m feeling a bit relieved. And I am looking forward to an X-Factor free weekend next week, especially coz I will be watching Avatar on IMAX in 3D. Woohoo!!!

Big hugs to all. And thank you again!!!

BIG UPDATE: Holly on XTra Factor just revealed the Weekly No.1 votes

Week 1-Danyl

Week 2-Stacey

Week 3-Rachel

Week 4-5-Danyl Danyl

Week 6-Stacey

Week 7-8-9-10-Joe

Wow!!!

Right, this is SERIOUS BUSINESS tonight. It is the Grand Finale of this year’s X Factor. I know they’ll be shouting it out repeatedly about 200,000 applicants, and it’s now down to 3. They do that every week, don’t they. But no one can ignore the fact that X Factor has become so hugely popular and almost like an integral part of modern day pop culture. It is insanely popular in the States and everywhere else. But hey, let’s stop talking about the show, and concentrate on the three acts – Olly, Stacey and Joe. Now, that is some Finale we are looking forward to.

Last week, we bid goodbye to one of the best vocalists on the show this year – Danyl. It wasn’t a shocker for me, provided the extreme divided public opinion about Danyl. There are people who love, and there are those who hate him. And there is no grey area. This is not a good sign when it comes to competitions like these where to survive you gotta please ‘em all. But then, we can’t say much about it since Jedward and Lloyd had a long innings on the competition – much longer than Rachel and Jamie.

Back to the competition, the format has been changed to have a shocker final tonight. The shocker is that out of the 3 finalists performing tonight, only two will go forward to the Final showdown tomorrow, and one will be eliminated on the show tonight. As per Orange’s X Factor blog, Olly is set to perform with Robbie Williams, Joe with George Michael and Stacey with Michael Buble. Oh, it’s going to be some Finale!

Join us for the liveblog right here at 7:30 pm London time. Cheerio!!

Right on. We are here. Just minutes away from the “TV Event of the year” (they call it). The Final of the X Factor begins tonight. And here are tonight’s songs:

Stacey
Wonderful World

Joe
Dance With My Father

Olly
Superstition

DUETS

Stacey AND Michael Buble
Feeling Good

Joe AND George Michael
Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Olly AND Robbie Williams
Angels

SONGS FROM THE SERIES

Stacey
Who Wants To Live Forever

Joe
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Olly
Fool In Love

So by the looks of it, this is a very well thought out playlist. Audition song, a star accompanied duet, and finally a song from the series. It is wonderful. So here we are – the show has started.

A quick recap of where it all started, and what we went through – all the horrors, the terrible songs, the wonderful performances and now left with the final 3. Audition – Bootcamp and then weekly elimination – down to – Joe, Olly and Stacey. They are singing three songs – a very tough one.

Simon sees Olly as a complete performer – singing, dancing and all that. Eh! His singing isn’t as strong, and his dancing is silly.

Stacey is awesome. But I can’t see her giving big dance hits [ and that's where the money is].

As for Joe, he has the best vocals no doubt, but he is stuck in my head as a West End singer.

But enough of me, we are Live from the studio [ not physically present there]. Told ya they’d mention that 200,000 number eh! Wow, Dagenham’s crowd support  and Joe’s Southshield support is incredible. Not so much for Olly. Hmm!! Clear message there – Olly is going home tonight. The judges are here. And so are the finalists. One of them will be going home tonight, and only two will be battling out in the Finals tomorrow.

Right, time for Round 1 – Songs from Auditions.

Stacey singing Louis Armstrong – Wonderful World.

Whilst they do that video montage before her performance, let me just tell you, that the first time I heard her sing that song, I was in complete awe. Let us see if she can recreate the magic. Clearly, entire Dagenham and Essex is supporting her. Bless! She deserves it, all of it.

Over to her performance. Aww, she’s on a chair. Divine is the word, if there is one – for her voice. She’s brilliant. That rendition of that song is brilliant. It has the potential of being the next best selling single, right now. That is perfect. I need not exaggerate any more by adding adjectives. It is just bloody damn perfect. I have no other words to say. Loved every bit of it. Just amazing!!!!

Judges verdict:

Louis: What a transformation. I love everything about you. You’re great.

Cheryl: You look comfortable and you’re just lovely.

Simon: It takes me back to the first time we met. You surprised me then and you continue to surprise me.

Danny: I am very very proud of you! Well done!

Bless, she still has that golden personality. Love love love her!! And Dagenham is going crazy.

People vote vote vote for her. Her code: 01

After the break, Olly Murs performs. C u in a bit!

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Back to the show now. Olly Murs singing – Superstition.

I am sure he’s gonna do that silly dance all over again. But you know what, that song and his rendition was quite good. Let’s see what happens. And then, the popstar moment is here. Thronged by fans, explosions and Robbie Williams -Let Me Entertain You playing in the background. He surely has his following. But don’t count me in that club.

Over to the performance. I can hear his nerves in his vocals. It is a lovely lovely groovy song. His lower notes are very shaky. But the song is just way too good not to like. The routine is sexy – MJ meets Chicago. And the sliding under the ladies -hmm! I don’t know exactly what to say about it. Good job though!

Judges verdict:

Louis: The silly dance we all love. You definitely have the X Factor.

Danny: What a fantastic performance. Spectacular.

Cheryl: You’re an entertainer, and you thoroughly deserve your place.

Simon: On the biggest night of your life, you pulled out the performance of your life.

Over to Essex, Colchester – teeny cheerleaders and all that. Olly – good job! But I still love Stacey more, now and always His code: 02 . Joe performs after the break. Be there.

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We are back to the show. Its time for Joe McElderry singing Dance With My Father.

Chants of “We Want Joe” everywhere. The entire family gathering was very heartfelt and God Bless Joe’s Nann. She’s so lovely. He’s got it. He just needs to do it all over again.

Over to the performance: I think Round 1 goes to Stacey. But Joe is definitely not far behind. His vocals are spot on as usual. I have not heard him sing out of tune at all, ever. Awesome!!!

Judges verdict:

Louis: You’ve got better & better & better.

Danny: You’ve got an amazing voice, and what an adorable young man.

Simon: You deserve credit for everything you’ve done over the last few weeks.

Cheryl: This is the moment. Joe, I pray that are in the final tomorrow night.

Aww, Cheryl’s getting emotional. That’s cute. And South Shields is pouring down people. Go Joe!! Vote Joe!!

His code 03.

Right, Round 1 done. Phone lines are now open until later in the show. The act with the least votes by the end of the show goes home. Now, a quick recap of Round 1.

Stacey: Lovely.

Olly: Sexy routine. Awesome song. Olly was ok.

Joe: Awesome.

Time for another break. Round 2 continues, with star studded duets. C u then!

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Round 2:

Time for the Duets now. Stacey now performs with Michael Buble. And the song is – Feeling Good. Oh, a bit shaky vocals. But as soon as the music kicked in, she is gaining confidence. She looks stunning in red. I am more excited to see Mr.Buble sing on this one. It kinda covers the initial little flaws. Good thing this. I love love this song. I would totally pay to see this live in a concert. Awesome Awesome. I am watching this on repeat. And aww, she hugged him!! Woohooo!! That was explosive stuff.

Stacey’s code: 01. Stacey is leading as of now. And no judges verdict for this one. I’d like to see Louis and Simon judge Mr. Buble

2nd finalist – Olly Murs – singing Angels – with who else but Robbie Williams. He should suit up more often, rather than wearing those extremely tight trousers, and start singing more. And Robbie is in the house now, singing with Olly. They look like brothers in suits – hmm, not like Blues Brothers – more like Reservoir Dogs No, just kidding. This has more flares than the previous song, but the performance of the previous one was much better. Oooh, Robbie is rooting for Olly.

Vote for Olly – His code is 02.

Finally, Joe’s here next singing Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me with wait for it- George Michael. And people, Sauron’s eye is back!! And OMG, it is for real – George Michael is here. I’m a big fan of George Michael. He is one of the best vocalists ever. But this performance is going a bit lacklustre compared the previous ones. No, just kidding again! I really can’t believe this – George Michael performing with Joe. Phew! That’s huge stuff. *Bows and Standing Ovation to George Michael*

Vote for Joe everyone. His code :03

Time for another break. The last round – Judges favourite song of the series. C u in a bit!

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Time for Round 3:

Stacey sings Queen – Who Wants To Live Forever. Massive song. And I loved it the first time. And this is very big stage Diva or should I say, Beyonce and Leona-esque. Very grand. This song has been a rock classic and now it’s being sung by a X Factor winner in the making. I love this version too. The backing vocals are well arranged, and the whole grand stadium rock has not been toned down at all. After all it was a signature Freddie Mercury song. And Stacey has definitely nailed it. Amazing. Truly amazing. She couldn’t have done better.

Judges verdict:

Louis: Very few people can sing Freddie Mercury.

Cheryl: You look incredible, you sound incredible.

Simon: You smashed it.

Danny: I’m happy for you, I’m proud of you.

Phew, that was an awesome one. It was just awesome. People, make her win.

Next Olly Murs singing – Fool in Love. Olly just enjoys doing such big choreographed routines. And we enjoy being entertained. He’s a true entertainer, no doubt. Very intelligent song choice Simon. This was actually one of Olly’s strongest performance. And he’s doing it now all over again. That was great!

Judges verdict:

Louis: That was my favourite song of you throughout this season. You’ve got the X Factor.

Danny: So good to see that again.

Cheryl: That was amazing to see.

Simon: Thanks the 3 stars – Buble, George Michael and Robbie. And then he says – I’m so proud of you Olly.

Why is Dermot saying – could be his last performance on the show. That’s not fair!

Anywho, time for Joe. He’s singing Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word. And I remember exactly how I felt about it the first time I heard it. It was brilliant. Just in a different league completely. It’s just perfect – perfect song choice, perfect vocals, perfect performance. That was what we call – Smashing it.

Judges verdict:

Louis: You’re  a very natural popstar.

Danny: An absolutely stunning performance.

Simon: I think you’re special. What a great singer you’ve become!

Cheryl: I absolutely adore you.

Vote vote vote!!!  Go Joe,Vote Joe!!!

So there you go, all performances done tonight. And oh btw, it’s British Comedy Awards tonight after the X Factor. I’ll definitely be watching that. Don’t worry, I’ll be liveblogging the XTra Factor too simultaneously.

A quick recap of the performances tonight.

Round 1: Stacey was the winner in this round. Olly was good, but Joe was better. Round 1 was all Stacey for me.

Round 2: Stacey brought Sexy back with Buble, Olly with Robbie was awesome, and Joe with George Michael was amazing. Not a clear winner of Round 2, but I think I liked Stacey and Buble more.

Round 3: Stacey all the way . You can’t top Who Wants To Live Forever.

Hold on, Olly’s performance just notched up another level of Sexy, and then Joe pulled out his ace of spades – Sorry seems to be the hardest word. Hmm. I declare Draw.

So, tallying everything up – Joe and Stacey will be going to the finals tomorrow, and I predict Stacey to win.

Time for a break – Robbie Williams performing live next, and the Voting lines closing after the break. Wooo!!! Pressures rising. See you in a bit!

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Right back to the show. 5 minutes before the lines get closed. Here’s Robbie with his latest single. There’s something awesome about Robbie. He’s a complete showman. I love this song, and it is indeed very Christmasy.

Just a quick cheeky thought. Would be lovely to invite Geraldine McQueen [ Peter Kay's piss take on X Factor] to perform live on the show. Anywho, voting lines frozen [ as in closed for the moment]. Time for a break, and the final 2 will be revealed next. *Biting nails* C u guys. Go to the loo quick and be back!

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Let’s face the results now. The finalists and the judges are here on the stage. Phew, I can feel my heartbeat getting faster. Serious.

Ok, the first act through to the X Factor Finals is :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  Olly . OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

It’s going to Stacey vs Joe now.. So who’ll make it. Second act through is ::::::::::::::::: Joe OMG OMG!!!

No, this is not fair. NOT FAIR. Stacey was the best performer tonight. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

In my book, all bets are off right now. Anyone can win right now. ANYONE.

Let me tell you this, no matter what, Stacey is gonna have an awesome future. She’s amazing. But I don’t feel as good about X Factor now that Stacey is not here any more in the competition.

So there you go – Joe vs Olly for the Big Final tomorrow night. No double and cheeky hidden meanings, we’re gonna see some man-on-man action tomorrow

Phone Lines are open again. All previous votes for Joe and Olly still count. The Big Final night continues tomorrow night at 7:30 pm London time. You know where to catch all the excitement live – only here!!!

We’ll be liveblogging. For now, jump to the comments and shout out!!

P.S. Not watching XTra Factor. Just too sad. Shall try to cheer up by watching British Comedy Awards. And oh btw, Royal Variety Show is going to be shown on Wednesday – Diversity, Lady Gaga and Alexandra Burke perform. Woohoo. Anywho, good night everyone. See you at the finals tomorrow!

Okie dokie. Tonight is results night – and not just any result night – It is the Semi Final results. 4 semi-finalists performed MJ songs and a song chosen by their mentor. And tonight, one performance goes home, just short of one show from the finals. And judging by the performances last night, I predict that it is going to be Olly who’ll be heading home tonight.

The show kicks off early tonight at 7.30 pm London time, and Lady Gaga and Janet Jackson perform on the show. We’ll be there to reveal it all as it happens. See you there!!

Okie dokie people. It’s 7.30pm. And we are live with the Semi-Final results of the X Factor.

The finalists will be revealed tonight. And so will Lady Gaga n Janet Jackson perform tonight. The judges are  here. Voting Lines still open. On with the ensemble performance – Wanna Be Starting Something. I hate Danyl’s microphone juggling technique. And why didn’t anyone sing this last night?

Ooh, another medley- Please don’t stop the music (Rihanna). Awesome one!

Recapping last night:

Round1:

Olly: Meh! Silly dance.

Joe: Beautiful.

Stacey: Woo Woo!!!

Danyl: Global Warming over Man in the Mirror!

Round2:

Olly: Better than 1st.  But still meh!

Joe: Nailed it. Simon sez this is becoming Joe McElderry show.

Stacey:Blew us away!!

Danyl: That was actually good!

Time for a break. Lady Gaga performs next! C u in a bit

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So we are back with the show. Lady Gaga performing – Bad Romance. And as expected from the Queen of Over-The-Top, she is dressed in something which can only be stated as – Cubism. And oh those are detachable. And she and her dancers are dancing in a Bath Tub – massive one. And she’s got Spock ears The choreography of the routine is very Catwoman. Not one of my favourite singles of her – I like Poker Face and Let’s Dance. Even Paparazzi is quite awesome. But I do get the feeling that Lady Gaga concerts should be absolutely crazy.

Danny and Cheryl show a standing ovation. Lady Gaga says the bath is Simon’s. Hehe!! Lady Gaga has been nominated for 5 Grammies, and she’s gonna perform at London O2 next year for two shows. Hmm, worth considering–maybe!

Awright. Back in the show, time for a break and voting lines close after the break. And Janet Jackson performs. C u in a bit

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Back to the show. Voting lines are now closed. The finalists have been decided as the votes are being counted.

And now Janet performs to her hit – All For You. And then her new single – Make Me. Ugh!! The mime and lipsync…so awful. The dance is awesome as usual. But what’s with the miming? Applause for the dancing.

Awww…Dermot directly breaks into saying that X factor results are up next. No short interview for Janet That sucks.

So we’ll be seeing the finalists being revealed after the break. BRB!

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Back with the thing that matters. The Semi Final results. Are you biting your nails? No? Good, coz that’s bad thing for your nails. Cheryl is right – Nobody deserves it more than Joe. The votes have been counted. It’s time to face the results.

The judges are here onstage with their acts – Cheryl with Joe, Danny with Stacey and Simon with Danyl & Olly. The three acts who go through to the finals.

First act to go through: Olly….O Oh!!! [ Bless, he's crying]

2nd act: Joe ..Wooo Hooo!!!

3rd act: Stacey ..YESSSS!!!!

So Danyl Johnson oes home tonight!!

The X Factor finalists are – Stacey, Joe and Olly. Haha, Simon calls Danyl – a graceful loser.

His first audition was excellent. But his acts that have followed after that have been a bit not as strong. He has faced a lot of negative press too. BTW, What About Now – Daughtry was briefly playing

Danyl Johnson sings for the last time on the show. He’s closing tonight’s Semi Final results show with – Man In The Mirror. Simon looks upset. Coz he knows that Olly cannot win the X Factor for him.

Anywho, there you go people. From the 200,000 who applied, we have the final 3 – Olly, Stacey and Joe.  Olly is still crying. And so is Stacey ..aww!! Joe seems the most confident.

The Big one is on next week. The BIG FINALE – Next week Saturday 12 Dec – 7:30 pm London time. C u there!!