Many other reviewers have already written at length about the bromance, the backdrop of Gujarat, and the two mammoth events that surround Abhishek Kapoor’s sophomore act – Kai Po Che . But it would be completely unfair if we were to sum up Kai Po Che with just that outline. Based on Chetan Bhagat’s Three Mistakes Of My Life, Kai Po Che offers so much more that even on my best attempt, I feel the inadequacy of my embrace. I have already attempted to write this review, and then had to re-write it  a few more times. I found myself at loss of words when I tried to sum up my thoughts on a movie so rich, and profound, that it only led me to a never-ending sea of ideas that I kept rediscovering.

And then it struck me. Kai Po Che, is a movie about ambition, of dreams, and of lives strung together with those dreams. Simply put, the gist of Kai Po Che can be realised in its incredibly melodious theme tune – Manjha. It is about making far-fetched dreams come true, of taking control of ascending heights, and of the untangling of the complexities of relations. Kai Po Che takes us on this journey through its main protagonists, three friends – Omkar (Amit Sadh), Govind (Raj Kumar Yadav), and Ishaan (Sushant Singh Rajput).

Set in Ahmedabad in the wake of a new millenium, buzzing with urbanization, and a shining India, we are introduced to the ambitious Govi who wants to set up his sports shop business. His joint venture is funded by his politically connected friend Omi, and the “nikhhattu” Ishh. These three couldn’t have been more different from each other. Where Govi’s overall maturity in money-matters earns him the nickname “Baniya“, Ishh is clearly the group leader. He is the town hero, having been in the district cricket team. Omi is the follower, a sort of a silent spectator of the two. Kapoor effortlessly manages to build this bromance through scenes that can only be termed as a “slice of life”, rather than a well written page on a film script.

These three share the ambition of making Sabarmati Sports Shop the next big thing. And when Ishh discovers the miraculously talented Ali, he sees his unfulfilled dreams and wants them to be realised through Ali. Omi on the other hand, is on his journey to join his Mama-ji’s political party. Thrown in the mix are the two biggest events that happened in the history of the state – the 2001 Earthquake, and the 2002 Gujarat riots. How these events shape the future and the fate of these three “Brothers for Life” is what Kai Po Che is all about.

The Big Credits List:

THE ACTORS:

Sushant Singh Rajput is an instant charmer. He lives the role of Ishaan completely. And even when he comes across as a complete tool, you cannot help but root for him. His relentless energy and enthusiasm to make Ali the next big star of cricket is heart-warming. And Rajput leaves no stones unturned in making the most out of his debut role.

In Raj Kumar Yadav, we get the anchor of the group. Govi is the glue that binds this volatile gang, and he is the one who requires the maturity to shoulder the responsibility of being the decision maker. Yadav’s straight-faced mannerisms translates that small-town guy character impeccably. To borrow the lyrics of Manjha (again),when you see Govi smile, it is like “barfile aankhon mein pighla sa dekhenge hum kal ka chehra“. [ In frozen cold eyes, we will see the melted face of the future].

My favourite of the bunch however, is surprisingly Amit Sadh as Omi. He is the silent spectator, but also has the innocence of a child. The decisions are already made for him. He is made to ask for money from his Mama-ji. He is made to join the political party. He is made to believe in the difference of “humare log” and “tumhare log”. He is also the one closer to Ishaan. And that’s why when Ishaan dedicates all of his time and energy in grooming Ali, Omi misses him.

And when Omi suffers from a family tragedy, his red-eyes emote the deep pain that is embedded in his silence. To be handed a gun under such circumstances, when you are even not done through mourning, is what makes Omi’s character the most conflicted. And Amit Sadh does an absolutely brilliant job at this.

SUPPORTING ACTS:

In a movie that is overshadowed by its three male leads, the supporting act of the manipulative Bittu Mama played by Manav Kaul, stands tall. There is something so eerily calm and clean about his shaved face, that you can see him clearly in giant political campaign posters. The only female character in the story, Vidya (Ishaan’s sister) played by Amrita Puri, is a very confident character played equally well. But it is the young Digvijay Deshmukh as Ali who is the star of the supporting acts.

AMIT TRIVEDI:

Trivedi’s score only makes me feel hungry for more. The sarangi on Manjha, the soft snare and cymbals on Meethi Boliyaan, and the traditional Gujarati folk instruments and shehnai on Shubharambh not only capture the ambience of the tale, but also narrate a story of their own. Hollywood has John Williams, we have Amit Trivedi. There, I said it.

FAVOURITE MOMENT: (Minor Spoiler)

After the earthquake incident, Ishaan and Omi are not on talking terms. It is India’s cricket match victory against Australia which re-unites the two. It is a moment of triumph, and possibly the peak point of this movie. Set to Amit Trivedi’s uplifting melody, it rocked me to the core. It also brings home the point of how influential cricket is in Indian life, and also brought back a surge of memories shared between friends – of cricket victories, of running down the mohalla with the tricolor, covered in gulaal, and of whistling and screaming our lungs out. Nostalgia can be such a bitch!

Dir. ABHISHEK KAPOOR:

Bromance is a familiar theme to Abhishek Kapoor, who in his National Award winning debut feature Rock On, introduced us to the world of four wannabe Mumbai rockers, and even made us believe that Arjun Rampal can act. [Also, have a look at this collage of Bollywood's most famous bromances of recent years].  With his second feature, Kapoor brings that familiar theme back, but the glossy red hues of Mumbai have been replaced. With a yellow palette that envelops Kai Po Che, Kapoor’s earthy tone tells the tale of its three leads so seamlessly. With help from an excellent technical department, the frames capture the golden sunsets as well as the horrors of a riot. And in the process, it leaves us uplifted, engrossed, confused, amazed, fulfilled, and often exhausted emotionally.

[GIFs Courtesy: FeedingMyObsessions]

VERDICT:

Perhaps, I am a foodie, and hence, I cannot stop comparing great art with great food. Like a masterchef who knows the right proportion of cumin, chilly, and turmeric, Kapoor has concocted a delectable dish, that quenched my thirst, and satisfied my heart with a feast for the senses. It rinsed and stirred my soul, shaking me inside out, and left me with thoughts that kept lingering long after the movie concluded. Kai Po Che is a complete triumph.

OKS Rating: 5 Patangs Out of 5

Kamal Hassan’s terrorist ass kicking magnum opus Vishwaroop has been doing the rounds for all the wrong reasons. Let me begin with this; it didn’t offend me at all. And to all those dumb-nuts shouting for their 15 seconds of fame to ban this, what is your problem ? Did you have a problem with an Indian muslim going underground to mingle with the Taliban? Or was it Kamal Hassan’s choice of Kathak over BharatNatyam, or his hair-style that left you cold? Leaving all the controversy hoopla aside, does the movie add up to all the hype? After all, even though Kamal Hassan has been a big sensation down south, this is an actor who is way past his prime. And I say that even after being a big fan of his work. Vishwaroop does get quite a few things right, but there’s a lot to chew here, and most of it is bland.

WARNING: This review has some spoilers.

Plot summary: It is the story of RAW agent Wisam (Kamal Hassan), who goes underground to meet up AlQaeda operatives in their training camp in Afghanistan. There he meets Omar (Rahul Bose) and Salim (Jaideep Ahlawat). He even gets a glimpse of Osama, and then gets to fight against American troops. The action then shifts to modern day New York, where Omar and Salim have set up camp in a warehouse, and have smuggled in some nuclear material, and are planning to blow up the city. It is up to Wisam to save the day.

Now what part of that plot sounded innovative? None, zilch! We live in a world where Bournes and Ethan Hunt movies are made every year. And global threat is what Liam Neeson has for breakfast. Having said that, when our good ol’ Vishwa (also Kamal Hassan) in his effeminate avatar, transforms into the bad-ass RAW agent in ultra slo-mo, and kicks asses to the rhythm of water drops, you can’t help but do a fox-whistle. It is one of the movies best scenes.

THE GOOD:

The action sequences are choreographed well, and even though Kamal Hassan looks his age, he somehow manages to sell it. From parkour sequences on the Afghan village roof tops, to sandstorm shoot-outs, there are many explosions to keep you engaged.

There’s also enough to be learnt here, or at least Wiki-ed – from Ceasium radioactive properties, to Faraday shields. It is good to see, someone did their research.

The gore is relentless, and it was a revelation to see that in an Indian movie. There’s bodies flying – in full and halves, blood spattering just about everywhere. It even has a murdered Nigerian terrorist, lying in his own pool of blood, with the phone ringing in his pocket, sending ripples to the blood pool. Visually, Vishwaroop is right on the money.

Credit where credit’s due – Kamal Hassan does not strut away to his glory. His presence is not overpowering like a commanding superstar. He is a RAW agent – and he plays it that way – unlike *cough TIGER cough*. Apart from Kamal Hassan, the only other actor who impresses the most is Jaideep Ahlawat as Salim. There is something about his evil grin that creeps the beejeezus out of me.

THE BAD:

Pooja Kumar as Vishwa’s wife Nirupama, is bloody annoying. She reacts completely unnatural in life-threatening situations, and has an attention seeking problem. She has got a doctorate in nuclear oncology – so that means our leading lady is not your typical damsel in distress. And how is it put into use? She knows what a microwave can do! [That scene reminded me of the refrigerator in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull].

Also, what is with her love life? She says her marriage is one of convenience. And she’s having an affair with her boss. But they haven’t done it yet?  Has she ever had sex then ? I just think it is sad and bad.

The remaining cast of the Team RAW is so underused, that it is almost laughable. Shekhar Kapur has a cumulative sum of two lines, and Andrea Jeramiah just evaporates between scenes. There is a Sardar Indian Embassy leader who just shows up for a isshhmail moment.  Speaking of which, the biggest d..d..d..DUMB portrayal of all here is of the FBI. I will not say anything more than what already has been said by many. How the hell did the FBI manage to walk into a suspected nuclear bomb region without any protection, explosive experts, or even Mulder and Scully ?!? Indian PhD: 1, FBI: 0

THE UGLY:

One eyed Rahul Bose , with a husky voice , porous skin, and a twisted jaw is not menacing at all, and is unintentionally hilarious. And with physical deformation, comes the responsibility of hamming it up, which Bose does, like his life depended on it.

The music by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy is just appalling. It’s like Abhay revisited.

And whoever approved Kamal Hassan’s get-up for the effeminate Vishwa needs to be hit in the groin with a microwave.

This is a 2.5 hr long film – and it just does not justify its length. Almost 30 minutes of it could have been easily edited out , and it would have been a compact, action packed package, and we wouldn’t have been left clamouring over its flaws. But wait, even after that, there’s part 2 coming soon. So more of Omar and Salim in India. And more of annoying Nirupama, who has apparently joined the gang, and now has a trademark leather jacket to suit everyone else. I don’t tend to put in emoticons in my review, but

FINAL THOUGHTS:  It is obvious how much time and effort and money Kamal Hassan has invested in his home production. And for all those efforts, the finished product has a lot of visual polish. If only for that, Vishwaroop /Vishwaroopam needs to be seen. Watch it as a bit more serious Ek Tha Tiger, but not Zero Dark Thirty, and you might end up enjoying it.

OKS Rating: 2.5 Faraday Shields Out of 5

I am pretty vocal about my dislike for everything Sajid Khan. He is an intelligent man, and I do get his Bollywood fandom completely (which is evident from his TV shows – Ikke Pe Ikka, and the other one which used to air on Sony India). But when it comes to his movies, they are completely not my cup of tea. Heyy Babyy and the two Housefull movies (with help from Rohit Shetty’s flying cars) have collectively recreated the dumbed down 90s of Bollywood. And now, Khan has taken up the big task of reviving the Ooty Production of the 80′s upon himself. The Jeetu white trousers, the matkas, the saris, the apsara bikinis, and bazillion background dancers – what the hell could that be? But of course, it is Himmatwala.

There is no reason why I should be remotely excited about a remake of a movie that I did not like in the first place. Jeetendra’s epileptic dance routines, and hyper-melodrama storylines that consisted of premarital pregnancies, Shakti Kapoor, and terrible background score; all of that is just the recipe for a quintessential 80′s movie – an era long gone (and for good). Would that old (and stomach churning) wine serve well in a new bottle?

From the trailers so far, things look pretty meh! And the font looks like the designer picked up MS Word, and vomited out something on WordArt. Pfft! Here are ..

10 things About The Himmatwala Trailer

1. Ajay Devgn

He’s back again in his Singham roaring avatar. And frankly, I have had enough of it. Sajid Khan cashes in on the Singham roar, and Ajay Devgn delivers some lines, and I almost dozed off in between. There’s ass kicking , and heroine cheek pulling, and some aping of Jumping Jack’s PT dance. Am I bothered?

2. Paresh Rawal

Whoever did the hair-styling for Paresh Rawal, should be shot in his face. This comes on top of the most annoying comedy hair style in film history, closely followed by Paresh Rawal’s question mark hair in Judaai.

3. Tathaiyaa Tathaiyaa Ho

Naino Main Sapna is an iconic 80′s track – composed by Bappi da, the track has infinite levels of high pitched strings rolling out at once, and Sridevi and Jeetendra posing PG rated Kamasutra poses. I am cautiously optimistic about the new version, because the Tathaiyaa Tathaiyaa Ho on the trailer sounds insanely awesome. To be honest, it is the only good thing about the trailer, and it brings that sense of retro feel to it, which is otherwise lacking.

4. Be ready to cringe !

And if Tathaiyaa didn’t make you feel it is the 80′s, Sajid Khan has blatantly inserted one such line to make sure that the audience is onboard – 1983 hai, palluu phaadho aur baandh do. So, he is fully aware of what is supposed to happen in 1983? Is he a man from outer space, or the future?

5. Mahesh Manjrekar

So, I am guessing Mahesh Manjrekar is going to play Amjad Khan’s role in this. This could be good, as Manjrekar is equally good as the good-hearted man, as well as the evil bastard. Can’t tell much from the trailer though.

6. Tamanna

She does look like a yougn Sridevi in some of the close-up shots. And that is a mega plus. Will she be able to pull off the fiesty Rekha Bandookwala character though? Tathaiyaa Tathaiyaa Ho!

7. Ghanta Action

And of course, every Ajay Devgn release of the last couple of year promises some bonkers action – with extras aided with anti-gravity shoes, and cars flying from all corners. The weapon of choice here are two big ass bells. This remake is for the Rohit Shetty fans (if that wasn’t obvious by now).

8. Thank God for no Jacky Bhagnani!

Now, this is a movie produced by UTV and Vashu Bhagnani. And I have to thank Ronnie Screwvala for not letting Bhagnani Senior to include Jackyy Bhagnani in this movie.

9. Zarina Wahab

Wahida Rahman’s maa role is going to the jholi of Zarina Wahab. Will she be able to move us to tears? Dekho, emotion dekho! Jai Mata Sherawali in the background. Dharmik emotion check!

10. Lookie Tiger!

They even brought back the tiger from the original. I am getting cautiously optimistic, but again, this is a Sajid Khan movie, so it could all go horribly wrong.

Will I Be Watching It ?

Depends! On what you say? Depends on who are playing the roles of Kadar Khan and Shakti Kapoor from the original. Those are the only things that matter. For now, enjoy the trailer below.

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I recently contributed a snippet on my most favourite Bollywood moment in 2012 for the year-end special podcast on Upodcast (listen to this mammoth 3 hr special here). And I got my thinking hat on, and recapped the year 2012 in Bollywood cinema. It has indeed been a year of lovely moments that stayed with me, long after the end credits had rolled. I had to squeeze out just one moment out of the following, and I’ll leave the guess work to you, as to which one I chose for the podcast.

But for now, here are my 10 most amazing and awesome Bollywood moments of 2012 (in no particular order).
[Of course, as I will be discussing specific scenes, these are mega-spoiler material. So, you've been warned ]

Dreamum Wakeupum – Aiyya

I will one day sit down to write about how much I love Aiyyaa and why? But for now, this’d have to do. The intro of Aiyyaa, shows us Rani Mukherjee lip-syncing dialogue by Madhuri Dixit’s Mohini in Tezaab. And soon, she’s running around the beach, singing “Kehdo Ke Tum Ho Meri Warna”. We get to see more glimpses of Rani as Sridevi in Chalbaaz, and Juhi in QSQT. In a very cute and little montage, a big packet of nostalgia is dropped, and it lands in style. Not only does it effectively pays homage to the Heroine magic of the 90s Bollywood, it also introduces us into the magical dreamy world of Rani’s character – Meenaxi, where everything is clean, and she’s all by herself, free to be the heroine of her own imaginary world. And you cannot help but fall in love with Meenaxi.

Suniye Naa, Suniye Naa – Aiyya

And to continue from my first scene, there are enough reasons why the quirky and dreamy Meenaxi is such a lovely character. She is fed up with her evening routines of being dolled up in a sari, and presented in front of prospective grooms, asking for a ‘rishta‘. Her mind is set somewhere else – she dreams of running away from home, and maybe one day finding love in the dark-skinned ‘beurra’. But she helplessly puts up with the routine. All of this changes when Madhav accepts the “rishta“. Rani, in her last attempt to make sure that this rishta doesn’t go through, begs Madhav to listen her to sing. And she starts singing Chinna Chinna Aasai in Tamil. And to her disbelief, Madhav likes it. Rani’s face at this very moment – priceless.

[For more Aiyyaa GIFs, go here and here ]

Phir Le Aaya Dil – Barfi

Barfi is a sweet film, made sweeter by its performances, and the seamlessly intertwined soundtrack that is outstanding on its own. There are numerous scenes here that make you sigh, leave you feeling melancholy, and others that just make you giggle like a fool. But to me, the strongest scene in the movie was when Barfi, after having met Shruti in his shop, brings her back to his house to introduce Jhilmil to her. And in a flash, Shruti realises the love that she has lost and all that could have been. And in that moment, Arijit Singh’s “Phir Le Aaya Dil” plays in the background. I have not seen a song so well integrated in a scene in recent years. Magical does not even begin to describe such a moment.

Vijay Dinanath Chauhan – Agneepath

I think I have left no stones unturned in praising Agneepath in my review . Considering this was a movie that was released in the beginning of the year, it still remains a favourite of mine from 2012. Just to reiterate what I said in my review: [Link to my review of Agneepath ]

The original Agneepath is so deeply embedded with the strong presence of a performance which defined the star, and the star which defined the movie. Amitabh Bachchan’s white suited, guy-liner endorsing gangster, might have been a 90′s take on the many smuggling movies of the 70′s – viz. Don and Deewar. But what made Agneepath different then, was its no holds barred, self destructive protagonist, who is solely driven by revenge. How could one recreate that? Debutante director Karan Malhotra has the answer for that. And the answer is .. not to recreate *that*.

And even the most iconic moments from that very movie has been given a new twist. You know what I’m talking about. The scene which BigB impersonators love to mimick, and Bachchan fans love to repeat – the one where Vijay sits down to say his name out loud. That was not only a big moment in Bachchan’s career, but also an epic cinematic hero moment. And to have recreated that in the same way, would’ve been the dumbest decision ever. And fortunately, Karan Malhotra makes the smartest move – and has the Vijay Dinanath Chauhahn line thrown right in the middle of a bloody kill. And Hrithik delivers with everything he’s got. EPIC has found a new synonym.

Ek Minit – Kahaani

Another one of the year’s earlier releases, and also one of my favourites – Kahaani is a solid tale, well told, and brilliantly acted by its lead actress. But Kahaani is also a wonderful canvas which brings together some memorable performances by its supporting cast – the most outstanding of them being Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s Khan, and Saswata Chatterjee as Bob Biswas. Bob Biswas is a character so well written (with so little lines), that it has emerged as a pop-culture icon of Bollywood 2012. [check out ekminit ] Bob Biswas’s menace works in his harmless “Ek Minit” catchphrase and his innocent insurance salesman look. And just before the intermission, when he approaches Vidya Bagchi in the metro station, and pushes her towards the train, I could hear many jaws dropping in unison in the theatre. A perfect cliffhanger in a perfect movie.

[My review of Kahaani is here ]

Permissun – Gangs of Wasseypur Part I

There are several moments to rant upon when it comes to Gangs of Wasseypur (and I have done that in my review here). After all, a movie with so many characters, and so many well written lines for Tigmanshu Dhulia’s Ramadhir Singh and Manoj Bajpai’s Sardar Khan, it is choke full with quotable dialogue. But the one moment that stays with me in Part 1 of this violent gangster saga, is surprisingly a romantic moment between Faisal Khan (Nawazuddin Siddiqui) and Mohsina (Huma Qureshi). Faisal makes a move on Mohsina and touches her hand, as they are sat by a pond and having some conversation. [We have spoken about this at length in our Wasseypur podcast here ]

It is just a very well written scene and brilliant executed by the most unexpectedly romantic jodi of the year. Romance found a new dimension with this, beyond the superficial shades of Dharma and the Swiss Alps sweeping shots of Yashraj. Love here was real, even found in a little argument, and it also announced the arrival of a feisty new leading lady – Huma Qureshi.

The Shakaal – Gangs of Wasseypur Part II

The second part of Gangs of Wasseypur belongs to one man – Faisal Khan – Nawazuddin Siddiqui. I don’t need to say it, but I will. Because Pt II is all about the accidental hero, and his rise to power. From being a pothead and the Khan family’s most naamakul son, to taking it all up on himself and ruling Wasseypur, with a wrapped lungi and a cigarette placed sideways, Faisal is the exact opposite of what a Bollywood hero is. Director Anurag Kashyap also pays homage to a bunch of old Bollywood classics with a dollop of references – such as this one when Faisal, before killing a goon, shaves his head off, and says – Ekdum Shakaal Lag Rahe Ho, referring to the iconic bald villain Shakaal from Shaan ! Dhinchaak!

Amitabh Tujhko Dekh Lega – Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

This was an unimpressive movie for me. It saw Bebo reprising her Geet avatar, Imran Khan translating his real-life confused persona, and Shakun Batra lapping up all the praise for an un-Bollywood climax. The only saving grace here, are the scenes where Imran’s character (conveniently called Rahul Kapoor – Bollywood’s version of Steve Jones) visits the Braganza family. A colourful group of characters played by Nikhil Kapoor as Riana’s dad, and Zenobia Shroff as her mum, are introduced and with it, all the madness, chaos, and liveliness that a filmy Parsi family promises, ensues. The magic moment here is when Rahul is asked to dress up to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party, and in the middle of it, Riana’s granny walks in to find out Rahul is changing in front of the TV (which is airing Amitabh Bachchan on KBC). And she says – Amitabh Tujhko Dekh Lega. Hilarious, and unforced, and also shows why we love our silly grannies so much.

[My review of Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu ]

Phata Dublin Nikla Hero – Ek Tha Tiger

Bollywood had its fair share of action movies in 2012 – some which were made with the sole intention of raking in as much moolah as possible by copying a working template *cough Dabangg 2 cough*. While others simply copied tried and tested South-Indian hits (Son of Sardaar, Rowdy Rathore). And then there was Kabir Khan’s Ek Tha Tiger – our own desi superhero, a sleeker, cooler version of the already loved Chulbul Pandey. What Ek Tha Tiger excels is in blending the best of both worlds – the superbonkers action hero movie of Salman Khan, and the well-polished finish of Yashraj.
[Read more in my detailed review]

There are quite a few scenes that stand out, especially the very impressive prologue action sequence set in Iraq. And not only that, there’s more asses kicked around the world by Tiger. But the one which scores highest in the sheer amount of ass-kickery is the Dublin chase scene where Tiger pretty much rips the city apart like some mutant. There is a wicked chase scene through Irish pubs and cafes, and windows broken, and tables been flung. But to top it all, Tiger gets on the roof of a friggin tram, and stops it with just his hands and his possibly Kevlar blazer. It leaves me completely exhausted from witnessing the mega-heroism of Salman by the end of these scene, as he takes that very blazer, and wears it back like a boss, and struts away. The Bournes and the Bonds are taking notes.

Coolest Beeji in the World - Vicky Donor

It was a great year for female characters in Bollywood 2012, right from Sridevi’s English Vinglish to Vidya as Vidya in Kahaani, Rani’s Aiyya, and Richa Chaddha in Gangs of Wasseypur. But none of them had the chemistry and the jodi magic like the Saas-Bahu jodi of Beeji and Dolly (Kamlesh Gill and Dolly Ahluwalia). In Hindi we have a phrase for this – “ekdum manje hue kalakaar“, which roughly translates to “absolutely polished artistes”. Vicky Donor was a fine film, with interesting characters that we could relate to. The lead pair are charming enough for us to invest in their stories, but Beeji and Dolly completely steal the thunder from Vicky-Ashima in that very scene, when the Saas-Bahu are sharing a drink and ranting about everything under the sun. It effortlessly brings an ear-to-ear grin to my face every time I watch it. Kudos to writer Juhi Chaturvedi, director Shoojit Sircar and the actors to have given such a sweet and chuckle-worthy filmy moment.

_____________________________________________________

And that’s a wrap for the best Bollywood moments from 2012. Hope you liked this post, and let me know what were your favourite moments in Bollywood 2012 in the comments below. Have an awesome 2013.

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It is pretty much the annual routine now to moan and whine about Bollywood Awards. I mean, the only point they serve is to wind us up, don’t you think? Screen and Zee Cine Awards 2013 nominations are out – and some of it look like the who’s who of WTF. Unlike last year, where I discussed the categories, I will do a summary round up and also come up with my predictions. Here is the full list of nominations . But it seems like nobody in the jury listens to us.

So, hit the jump!

Technical Awards:

Screen seems to have totally turned a blind eye to the fabulous Aiyyaa. There are no Best choreography nods to any of  - Sava Dollar, Aga Bai, or even Dreamum Wakeupum. No other movie in the whole year had that level of out-n-out dancing Rani awesomeness. I mean, c’mon Pandey Ji Seeti, Fevicol, Chikni Chameli, and bloody Kabaddi Ishq Shava. Did you even see Rani’s belly dancing?

Another omission from the list is Eega, which even though was a Telugu movie, it was dubbed and released as Makkhi. I’d be happy if Screen does give an honorary big ass platinum award to SS Rajamouli. But I am happy to see Arjun: The Warrior Prince being nominated, and also one of the cutest movie of the year – Gattu getting a nomination for the Best Child Artiste.

The usual herogiri action from Dabangg, Agneepath, Rowdy Rathore and Ek Tha Tiger have found their way in Best Action. But it is good to see Gangs of Wasseypur getting a gong too.

Here are my predictions/picks for the Technical Awards:

Best Costume: Varsha (Ishaqzaade)
Best Action: Shyam Kaushal (Gangs of Wasseypur)
Best Choreography: Ganesh Acharya (Chikni Chameli, Agneepath) – pfft, someone has to win.
Best Animation: Arjun, the Warrior Prince
Best Sound Designer: Sanjay Maurya, Allwin Rego (Kahaani) / Kunal Sharma, Alok De (Gangs of Wasseypur)
Best Dialogue: Zeishan Quadri, Anurag Kashyap (Gangs of Wasseypur)
Best Story: Sujoy Ghosh, Advaita Kala (Kahaani)
Best Screenplay: Sujoy Ghosh (Kahaani)
Best Editing: Akiv Ali (Barfi)
Best Production Design: Rajat Poddar (Barfi)

Music Awards:

Best Music: Again, no Aiyya. NO FUCKING AIYYAA!!! Bollocks to that! And the two other best albums of the year are given the kick in the arse – Chittagong, and Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana. Instead, we get Cocktail and Dabangg 2. Whatevs! But I am elated to see the very talented Sneha Khanwalkar getting nominated for her monstrous Gangs of Wasseypur soundtrack. But we all know who is winning the Best Music award – this is the year of Pritam – Barfi is your masterpiece. Pritam must be thanking God that Rahman’s Jab Tak Hai Jaan turned out to be a disaster.

Best Lyrics: It is funny to see Gulzar saab’s CPR song – Saans getting nominated. And he stands alongside the equally mediocre Dagabaaz Re. If Screen was going for some controversy, it’d give the award to Dibakar Banerjee for Bharat Mata, as a consolation prize for not getting nominated in the Best Director category. But my pick here is Ayushmaan Khurrana for Paani Da. Again, he’s not winning the newcomer award.

Playback Singer Female: Neeti Mohan for Jiya Re, Kavita Seth for Tumhi Ho Bandhu, Mamta Sharma for Fevicol – Are you fucking kidding me? Where is Sunidhi’s amazing “Tootpeshht se leke ghar baar baech daalu” in Sava Dollar? Or Shreya’s much superior Jhalla than the absolutely mediocre Radha? If Fevicol can get a nomination, then by the same logic, Dreamum Wakeupum should win. The only rightful entry here is Shalmali Kholgade for the thumping Pareshaan track from Ishaqzaade. And that is my pick.

Playback Singer Male: WTF is Pungi doing here? And the biggest WTF – no nomination for Sonu Nigam’s Abhi Mujh Mein Kaheen (Agneepath). Also, Mohit Chauhan for Ala Barfi? That wasn’t used in the movie either. It was Swanand Kirkire’s version which was in the movie. And by that logic, Rekha Bharadwaj should’ve been nominated for Phir Le Aaya Dil. Sigh, Barfi has way too many songs which deserve nominations. My pick however is – Ayushman Khurrana – for Paani Da. Just because, they did not nominate Arijit for Phir Le Aaya Dil or Sonu Nigam.

And since, Amit Trivedi won’t be getting the Best Music award, let’s give him the Best Background Music award for English Vinglish.

The Biggies

Best Ensemble Cast: Nothing this year came close to the monstrosity of Gangs of Wasseypur – Ramadhir Singh, Kureshis, Sardar Khan, Faisal Khan, Danish Khan, Definite Khan, Perpendicular, Sultan, Nagma Khatoon, Shama Parveen, Durga. No other movie in recent times has been able to leave such an indelible impression even with its minor characters. Well, you know that already from my review. It is only funny to see a movie like Bol Bachchan getting nominated alongside this.

Debut (Male): This belongs to Varun Dhawan. He got the best Rockstar entry that a debutante could dream of. But on second thoughts, this could also go to Ayushman Khurrana. We’ll see.

Debut (Female): All are fillers here – where is my fav Sunny Leone ? Ok, give it to Huma Qureshi – the only promising actress here.

Debut Director: Again a clear winner here. And no amount of Shakun Batra praise can do anything to the inevitable win of Karan Malhotra’s Agneepath. That’s how you do a remake!

Best Actor in a Comic Role: Why does this even exist? I believe it solely exists to award people like Riteish Deshmukh and Tushhar Kapoor. But behold people, we have the Beeji of Comedy – Kamlesh Gill, who should win this.

Best Actor in a Negative Role: It is a fight between Ramadhir Singh and Rauf Lala. And as much as I love Ramadhir Singh, Chintujee will sweep this by all means. Look, Deepak Dobriyal’s Chunni is crying in the corner, and Sanjay Dutt’s Kaancha is smoking weed with Mithun da. Bipasha is too busy making fitness DVDs to take notice of her nomination. And where the fuck is Bob Biswas?

Supporting Actor: Akshay Kumar’s nomination for OMG is WTF. And they seemed to have nominated the wrong actor for Wasseypur. Jameel Khan, instead of the much superior Piyush Mishra. And no nods for Nawaz in Kahaani, but he does get a nomination for Talaash. But if I was to choose from this list, my pick is Emraan Hashmi for Shanghai.

Supporting Actress:  Great to see Rani get a nomination, even though it is for Talaash. It is a fight between Richa Chaddha and Dolly Ahluwalia here. But I think Richa wins by a small margin. Anushka can go sing in Ladakh in her micro pants, and let Ileana get some proper ageing makeup.

Best Actor: There has never been such a tight race to the Best Actor award than this year’s nominees – Hrithik, Ranbir, Irrfan, and Manoj. All of them were superb, and to include Chulbul Pandey  and SRK’s Samar Anand in the same list is the awards equivalent of a huge facepalm. I’d have added Nawaz from Wasseypur to this list instead. My pick however, from this list, has to be Ranbir Kapoor as Barfi. Rock Solid and miles above his depressing rockstar Devdas Jordan that people keep talking about. Now, this is a well deserved award.

Best Actress: This is BIDDDDAAAAAAA’s territory. Although I’d love Sridevi to win this, but no one comes close to what Vidya Balan achieved in Kahaani. Bebo can well, do more of Fevicol, and Deepika can do some more Kingfisher calendars. But none of them will ever come close to what Mrs.Balan Roy Kapoor did with this role. But I am still sad that Meenaxi aka Rani did not get nominated. And thank god, Karishma did not get nominated.

Best Director: All bets are off. Anurag Kashyap for Wasseypur, Tigmanshu Dhulia for Paan Singh Tomar, Anurag Basu for Barfi, Sujoy Ghosh for Kahaani. Tough to call. As much as I want Anurag Kashyap to win, I think this one should go to Sujoy Ghosh.

Best Film: What a year it has been in Bollywood. And of the many amazing movies, these are the finest.. well sort of. It is crazy not to see Agneepath to see on the list, but thankfully none of Rohit Shetty, Sajid Khan or any of the South Indian remakes made to this list. But it is a big fight between Kahaani, Barfi, Gangs of Wasseypur and Paan Singh Tomar. My vote goes for either of Gangs of Wasseypur, or Kahaani.

And that was my list of predictions for Screen Awards 2013. In other news, Zee Cine Awards also released its nominations for Best Song – which features Chikni Chameli., Pungi, Chinta ta, Radha. Apparently no one in the jury heard any of the better soundtracks of 2012.

And surprisingly (or not), Gangs of Wasseypur has been completely ignored from the nominations. Their official website where you can vote is experiencing a downtime as of when I wrote this post [ link here] . And to nobody’s surprise, Sharukh Khan has been nominated for Jab Tak Hai Jaan.

And that is a wrap! Leave your comments below, and don’t forget to include your own predictions.

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The name Yash Chopra is synonymous to opulence, grandiose and all flavours of larger-than-life characteristics which cannot be in any way consumed through a real-life lens. This has what has come to be known as the “YRF school of cinema“. But it is sad that a prolific director of Yash Chopra‘s stature, a man who has given us the likes of Waqt, Deewar, Kaala Pathhar and Chandni, be dwarfed by the above mentioned limiting definition. Yes, the man also gave us Dil To Pagal Hai – a movie he directed in his mid 60′s, about the yuppy Indian youth, all singing and dancing and free as a bird, and it still remains a personal favourite.

So why does Jab Tak Hai Jaan, a movie which emulates the same “formula”, and in some ways, mashes up DTPH with Veer Zara, feel overtly boring, lost, and almost impotent ? This movie is of two halves, the first trying desperately to be cool, and make its mid-40s male lead into a 25 year old hipster. The second half transforms the same male lead into a broody and stubbled version, loaded with Enfield bikes, no armour anti-bomberman badass superhero. And joining the two are two stupid accidents. The catch here is, there’s no Nirupa Roy to provide the emotional connect.

This is not a post to bad-mouth Yash Chopra, the filmmaker whose work speaks for itself. I am extremely fond of most of his filmography, but sadly, JTHJ is not the perfect swan song by a mile and a half. So hold on to your hate mails. After the jump, some specific plot points will be discussed. SPOILER WARNING.

So Yash Chopra, in his attempt to bring the same amount of yuppy youthful romance that SRK-Madhuri-Karisma had brought in 1997, leads us to London, to Ladakh, and back to London again. Of course, this being a Yashraj movie, there are certain assumptions that need to be made, and your cynical world view needs to be left at the ticket counter. These can be categorised into three levels, and it gets worse as you go higher.

Level 1 :  Life’s Good 

From London city busker, to fish monger, to a waiter in a posh Michelin starred restaurant – our Punju dude Samar (SRK) can ace it all. Our heroine Meera (Katrina) on the other hand, has loud conversations with Sir Jesus (a 2002 version of Simran ?), and is the sole heir to a rich business empire owned by her father. And a typical day involves getting impressed by powerpoint skills, and getting smitten by Punjabi songs. The tale of poor boy meets rich girl is as old as the Himalayas, and that is, by no means, a deal breaker for me. I can get past through this firewall. Heck, lady Meera can prance around in her micro-mini skirt in the cold and snowy London winter, as our Punju dude (who is apparently short on income and works three-four jobs) parties around in Topman gear and a Fedora, and schools her the underground street dance moves. I’ll still buy it (or try hard to).

On the other hand, our other female lead, free spirited and quirky Akira is from the instant-noodle (or something like that) generation. She is an aspiring documentary filmmaker from Delhi, and hasn’t possibly heard of the Khap Panchayat. Hence, she roams around the chow-mein eating Indian Army in her short pants. Yes, short pants, in Kashmir, in the Himalayas. Also, swimsuit and thanda paani diving. Still with this. Bring on Level 2!

Level 2: She’s so dumb! And so is everybody!

Earlier, when we mentioned Meera has loud conversations with Sir Jesus (inspired from Dogma‘s Buddy Christ), she’s actually negotiating proper business deals. After all, what modern day aaj ki naari, in the wake of Ekta Kapoor serials, would be complete without her bhagwaan? But she’s a Thapar you say? C’mon, you didn’t complain about that when Simran has her church wala love! I’m ok with that, until shit just hits the fan.

When Samar has his accident, Meera, who is on her way to convince her father and her fiance that she’s in love with some part fish-monger, part waiter and 100% SRK, suddenly makes a pact to leave that very dude. Maybe it was that cold and sloppy kiss. But dude, they did make sweet love to Mohit Chauhan and Shreya Ghoshal’s CPR song (Saans). Like WTF!

*First traces of my hair greying and frying themselves away are noticed.*

On the other hand, quirky Akira has not been given any sort of health and safety regulation guidelines. And since she’s so popular with the army dudes, she can roam around with the Indian army, of course loaded with an iPod. Die bitch Die!

*Some more greying and frying.*

Hero saves the lady, and says GTFO! But Akira being Akira, says “Bitch please“, and Indian Army complies.

Level 3: Mindfuck

Sadda Punju dude, since that 10 year old heartbreak incident, has become the Jedi of bomb diffusion squad. So, he’s allowed to grow his hair, sport a broody stubble, and even scribble down his naughty pyar wala story in his offline blog book (with all necessary details). But hey, that’s not all. YRF’s version of the Hurt Locker has to be with SRK showing off his dolle-sholle. No bomb suits are required, coz bomb suits are for the sidekick sissy. But hey, if the lady filmmaker in short pants insists, she should be allowed to enter the zone, in all her short pants glory. Indian Army has been supporting filmy romance as always duh!

Akira finishes her documentary, and Discovery Channel’s bitch demands to get the subject of the story “The Man Who Cannot Die” to be shipped to London for authentication purposes.

*Hair erosion – 100% complete.Brain cracks appearing*.

Samar arrives in London, has an accident, and gets into some subset of amnesia, forgetting 10 years of existence – that’s what she said – Sarika. Samar is hence prescribed heavy doses of pyaar and dulaar from his Meera, and has to be protected from any form of stress.  Meera comes back, and so does with it, a whole another innings of stupidity and mindfuckery that is best left  not discussed. Let’s just say, it involves Meera again cock-blocking Samar, Samar in frustration goes out to solve another bomb mystery, and gets his mojo back.

*Mind fuck Complete*

But oh, there’s more. There’s two more bomb diffusion in zero protection yet to be done (Which also makes me think, what are Samar’s thoughts on protection ? ) . By this point, I just wanted that Samar would go into that last bomb, and just blow himself up. The movie then wraps up, with a big message – Chopra Out! Now THAT would be ballsy.

Instead, we see Samar ki baahon mein Meera. And scene! End credits!

Ra-Ra-Rahman! 

First Ra is Ra.One’s G.One,  SRK – His 10 year long journey is visible in his 25 year old wrinkled dimples. His ice cold chemistry with the wooden Katrina is as bland as that unnecessary kiss. Was that a sign of a filmmaker trying to prove himself as being new age? Or did G.One need some Bicentennial love experience of how onscreen kisses taste? Apparently, it tasted pheeka rather than teekha!

Second Ra – Akira – Anushka Sharma is consistently quirky as the young Delhi girl. She does seem to have a Band Baaja Baaraat hangover, but I am not complaining, as I love Shruti Kakkar.

Rahman – A.R.Rahman fails spectacularly with this soundtrack. Although Challa has sort of grown on me, the movie does nothing to make the soundtrack more appealing with its visuals. Fail of epic epicness. [More on that here and here]

Only thing that looks good on this.

I have been speaking so much negative about this movie, let me end it on a positive note. The only good that I could derive from this movie was the cameo by Neetu and Chintu Kapoor. You can never go wrong with those two, and what the lead trio couldn’t get across in almost 3 hours of romance juggling, these two do it with a 5 second smile.

This is possibly one of Yash Chopra’s weakest. Let the SRK fans backlash begin.

It is late October, and although I would have very much liked to have done this at the beginning of the month, due to various stupid reasons and my laziness, I couldn’t. What am I talking about? REKHATOBER of course – the birth month of only the best actress ever – Rekha. A few summers back, me and many other Bollywood bloggers, lead by Beth, decided upon doing this monthly feature every year to celebrate Rekha’s birthday. [For more on it, go here for all the posts on Rekhatober].

This year, I cranked up the gear, and went digging into the deep abyss of the internet, to find a 90′s gem called Madam X. So, hit the jump for more on Madam X, our podcast on it, and the awesome Comic Strip to blind your eyes with its sheer awesomeness.

Now, this is a movie which very few people seem to remember, some even denying its existence. Primarily because, to the casual eye, it has the gift-wrap cover feel of a typical 90′s movie – y’know – Shakti Kapoor, cheap extras, MacMohan, hilarious costumes, outrageously cheap art direction, recycled background score, and ketchup. But remember what they say about books and covers and all that.

Madam X is definitely not one of Rekha’s finest. But it is undoubtedly one of the best ones where she gets to unleash her fiercest avatar. She roars, she grunts, she uses a whip even. She’s wearing what Lady Gaga is wearing now (a decade and a half before Gaga got there), and she does all of that in style. If it not were Rekha, Madam X wouldn’t exist. And oh, she is playing Lady DON.

Time for a bit of a shameless promotion. Since I have such a restless mind, I have been recording a few conversations (with consent of course) with my cinephile mates, and have published them online as podcasts. Oh, you’re familiar with the concept. It’s called TrippleEggs ( yeah, cheap pun. What’d I do without them eh!). The second episode is now live, and it is where I speak with Beth (@bethlovesbolly) on Rekha, and Madam X. If you haven’t listened to it yet, you should. It could potentially change your life forever.

The gist of the conversation – Madam X is awesome and you should watch it. For the details of how much fun we had in the podcast,  listen it here, or on iTunes.

Now for the stuff for why you’re actually here – here are some of the blinding bling-bling screenshots from the movie, that I have converted into a nice and sweet comic strip.

So, here it goes. Back in the 90′s, the scary times of Bollywood, there was a story which went something like this…

Like every other 90′s flick, this had all the essential ingredients.. viz.

And then.. some more..

Ok.. some more.. last one.. honest.. pinky promise!

Formula karte karte.. climax hi aa gaya what the bhen!

Last 10 minutes.

So, there you go. And yes, I promise, before October wraps up and Daylight Saving kick in, I will conclude REKHATOBER with some face-melting Madam X GIFs. For your part, please support the TrippleEggs Podcast initiative, and save pandas (I thought that’d do the trick).

HAPPY REKHATOBER to one and all.

As previously discussed in my post on Challa, a YRF soundtrack by A.R.Rahman, and lyrics penned by Gulzar – that in itself brings a weight of expectations and anticipation from listeners. Having listened to the entire soundtrack a few times now, I can safely conclude that this is no where close to any of Rahman’s finest, or even better works. The soundtrack of Jab Tak Hai Jaan seems to just flirt with different themes like a confused movie with no plot, trying to please every demographic. We’ll get to that when we discuss the songs, so hit the jump.

Challa: There is not much more to say here, than the first time around. Rabbi overshadows the filmi identity of this song, and as a stand-alone song, it does sound like a Rabbi single. It has grown on me in the likability section, but I still cannot associate it with SRK, or Yashraj. The Punjabi lyrics also make me feel left out to pick up on the metaphors and deeper meaning, even after reading the translation. Too many complaints.

Saans: Starting with some prominent contribution from the strings section, this almost sounds deceptively close to something out of the Yuvraaj soundtrack. Or may I say even, that the intro sounds like Hans Zimmer at work (minus that flute..yes I almost saw Gotham). Shreya sounds shrill, and Mohit sounds nasal. But my biggest problem with this track is the inclusion of the daphlee which attempts at doing a jugalbandi with the other electronic percussion beat. The result is a whole messy sound, rather than a smooth blend. I even checked if I had two instances of my music player open playing two separate tracks. The picturisation is yet another generic YRF sweeping shot, but we’ll not get into that for now. The lyrics are conventional romantic stuff ; have a sample.

Kab tak hosh sambhale koi
Hosh ude toh
Ud jaane do

DID.NOT.WORK.

Ishq Shava: There are heavy Persian sound influences here, and by now, it has started to sound overused. There is nothing new to this arrangement anymore, but Rahman still gives it a go. Raghav’s voice sounds like KK, but it is Shilpa Rao who impresses. Only outstanding thing about this track is the face-melting flamenco/arabic-sounding acoustic guitar solo. It is foot tapping no doubt, but as easily forgettable. Be warned, you might have an unusual Mashallah déjá vu.

 Heer: Now we’re talking. Harshdeep Kaur’s slow intro (which reminded me of Tu Hi Meri Mandir) gives way to some heart-wrenching ambient Sufi sound. Gulzar’s Punjabi lyrics, this time around, are easier to interpret. The reference to Mirza-Sahiban spells out “Gulzar genius”. And just the right amount of orchestration aided by the violins and subtle percussion help elevate this track from being just another romantic Sufi number. This is easily my favourite of the soundtrack.

Jiya Re: Another guitar heavy track, this one sounds straight out of a Salim-Sulaiman YRF soundtrack, and is going to be picturised on Anushka Sharma (who is named Akira in the movie, whoa!! anime influences). Yes, given that this is a YRF production, one of those girl-power intro songs to banta hai. With a very catchy groove to it, this is a very likeable track. Sung by Neeti Mohan ( remember her from the Channel V second postars band Aasmaa – y’know Chandu ke Chacha), we are offered the usual rock-chick vocals, with rock-chick lyrics about making way for Akira, and even how she loves herself (?).

Jab Tak Hai Jaan: This is the most YashRaj filmy track of the album. It has filmy written all over the arrangement – from the usage of dholaks, to sitars. It is exactly the kind of track, which would guarantee an SRK arms-wide-open moment, and a Katrina/Anushka hair-fluttering moment.  It is hard not to like Javed Ali’s sweet serenading vocals, and he doesn’t disappoint. Shaktishree Gopalan makes her entry in the second verse on a higher key than the original, which helps elevate the overall feel of the song. Did I like it though? Can’t say.

Saans Reprise: Oh they did a reprise of an already terrible track – SKIP SKIP SKIP. For those still curious, this is a slow, solitude se bhara, udaas version of Saans.

Ishq Dance: This is nothing compared to any of Rahman’s other instrumentals. There is something chaotic and haphazard  about this piece, and seems too rushed and unpolished.

Jab Tak Hai Jaan Poem : This is the poem narration by SRK which was the track for the first teaser of JTHJ. Strictly for SRK fans.

So, overall the album disappoints. The only tracks I liked were Heer and Jiya Re. Challa and the Title track get an OK stamp at best. It is sad because this was supposed to be a monster soundtrack which would sweep away all the awards next year. But more than that, this is the old man Yash Chopra’s last movie as a director. And to see other YRF movies such as Band Baaja Baraat, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, or even Ishaqzaade having much better soundtrack than this one, speaks of how much of a let-down this soundtrack has turned out to be. It isn’t terrible at all, but it certainly does not fit the tin it comes in.

Rating: 2 Challas Out of 5