OH MAGADHEERA! Thy canvas is so large, so bright, and so beautiful. I give in to your might and surrender myself and my senses too. Painted in testosterene, and splashed with everything that is majestic, masculine, and mind-fraking, Magadheera – you blow me away. Quite literally. Every. Single. Time.
Just as I sat down to the starting credits of Magadheera, the brief teasing images over the sounds of clashing swords and the voice of a warrior screaming Bhairava, leaves me with an intense feeling of anticipation. The sense of urgency, and the curiosity to see events unfold grips you completely. And this is what exactly keeps me glued through the entire length of the movie even though, the pace isn’t as steady.
To begin with, Princess Mithravinda and our warrior Kala Bhairava are injured badly and almost breathing their last. But not done yet until they show some love for each other. And then gravity strikes, but Kala Bhairava flings himself with a launch velocity. Coupled with an intelligent lift-drag air-resistance formula, Kala Bhairava cleverly defies laws of physics to get closer to Mithra. But not quite close..sigh!
Flash forward to 400 years now, and our warrior has turned into a dude who wears Ferrari shoes and races bikes for a living. Yes, this is a world where our dude is tormented by chupudhee chapadhee Mumaith Khan who hides her earnings in her supposed cholee. And to retrieve it, an item number must follow with special nods to a CGI edited papa Chiranjeevi. Oh, and before that, Mumaith Khan gives a boobie shockwave which turns everyone into stone (We call her Boobie Medusa). Not kidding! And this my friend is only the first 15 minutes of the movie. Phew! You just get to sense a teaser of the possibilities of the remaining parts of the movie and how this could actually be the inspiration behind Scott Pilgrim – An Epic of Epic Epicness. Yes, that pretty much sums it up quite right.
Whoa. Let’s explore the remaining 150 minutes with the infinte screencaps below. Keep up with me, and don’t get lost, but do feel free to lose yourself in the beauty of Magadheera. WARNING: Long Post and possible spoilers.
Item number done. Whistles blown. Hero now approaches his destiny on a rainy day where a mere touch with his ‘bandee’ – Indu, generates electricity of the fluorescent kind. Now there’s a lot of flirting going on here. And instead of me getting annoyed at Indu, I just keep convincing myself – this is for the greater good. The greater good of keeping me waiting as my neurons get fried over silly incidents – such as Indu falling in love when she sees the dude beat the shit out of rowdy eveteasers. The ‘confusion’ game continues until the dude cleverly decodes it by another ‘conduction’ incident. What we as audiences are left is to watch another awesome song to unleash, which sports lyrics such as – The rain can touch you and so can the light, then why this indifference with me.
Add to that, some metaphoric splitting of water streams, and we have already covered all aspects of physics – from gravity, air drag and lift to fluid mechanics. And add some beautiful dusk shots, what’s there not to love.
But whilst the dude is still wondering why this conduction electricity keeps occurring [ and possibly very concerned about how he’s gonna make love ], Indu’s Appa makes a deadly entry, just to be completely pwned by a super throat-choking dude move.
And oh BTW, the villain guy – Billa is ever horny and is also quite good in calculating projectile ranges in javelin. This movie is turning out to be so much more educational than I expected. Billa kills anyone at will, and is a rich royal dude [ going by his blue Sherwani and lovely turban ]. But he is very superstitious and keep visiting that Aghora Baba who educates him about the reincarnation theory. This leaves him no options but to lust over Indu. But what he doesn’t know is that Kala Bhairava, even in a plasma state, won’t let him do THAT.
Conspiracy theory kicks in, and silly Indu falls for it. Villain and Hero fight, cars explode, choppers appear with Rajputana aviation painted on them, and the prophecy comes alive – the birds shall fly away, the bright Sun shall turn Black, and the dude shall appeareth like a volcano. And so he does.
And with a sequence involving helicopter hanging, the dude tries to impress Indu. But yet again, the conduction electricity and gravity lets our dude down [ literally ]. Now he’s freefalling at 9.81m/s2 and simultaneously getting flashbacks from his distant past. And from that great height, he could have been crushed. But he’s saved fortunately by the buoyancy and density of water. Phew!
And one of the best Intermissions EVER hits us right in the face… and all I can do is exclaim – OMFG!!! This is bloody exhausting. And the awesomeness doesn’t seem to stop. Rather, the GAME has just begun.
We’re back from the Intermission just to be rewinded centuries back and we can see the Eastmancolor version of the dude’s Sepia toned hallucinations that he has as an affect of those conduction shocks. So there’s the prophecy of the aligning planets causing trouble and some Babar-esque emperor Sher Khan trying to invade Udaigarh.
And there is a Buzkashi like competiton between our dude, who is now called Kala Bhairava [ whatta cool name ] and the C-i-C Billa [ Jo Apna Mooh Nahi Rakhta Khulla ].
Some breathtaking action scenes in a white desert near Udaipur or in Ramoji Film city with a Quick Sand gulping down people and carts; adrenaline levels are surely very high. Gandalf’s Shadowfax can retire now as Badshah saves the day. And by the rules of filmi-politics, Kala Bhairava wins the race, the crown princess before a colosseum filled with CGI cloned people. And shame shame for Billa.
Time for a mind-numbingly beautiful song replete with percussion, metaphors, and flowing garments. How can I stop loving thee! The aerial shots and the sheer scale of the poor CGI effects impress me. Ashutosh Gowariker has a lot of things to learn.
But the Royal Purohit reminds us of the danger that is knocking on the door. The planetary alignment needs to be dealt with. And hence, the princess and the bunch of royal dudes and dudettes along with Kala Bhairava and the Purohit head to the place where the Puja is to be held. Now look at that huge idol of Lord Shiva – how magnificently grand is that! And this is where the Princess decides to let her emotions take over. But not for long, coz Billa aided by Sher Khan are here to interrupt. And naughty Billa wants the Princess to give him a lapdance. Very wrong Billa, you’re gonna be so screwed…twice. So, let the games begin and the bodycount too.
Our dude proves time and again why he is from the Bhairava clan by slicing, dicing and gliding over the Shaitan ki Fauj who IMHO resemble the orks minus the bad teeth. Kala Bhairava even takes a sort of an Avatar of Lord Shiva (?) with all the multi-arm and multi-weaponry. You have to see it to believe it man!
Long story short – Sher Khan is impressed, but he has given his word to Billa. So Billa takes over..sorta..only to be totally pwned by our dude Bhairava. But before getting destructed, Billa stabs Monica Seles…I mean Mithravinda. Bhairava is not happy, so have a look what he does. A very serious observation here is that the blood splat count here is more than the battle between the Persians and the Spartans – don’t you think?
And now, we are back to the scene 1 of the movie – rememeber – gravity, air drag and lift and sky-diving in Crouching Tiger style – which means it’s the end of the flashback. And we are back to the present. Our dude has regained consciousness and finds himself in the jaal of Soloman, who is a reincarnation of Sher Khan. WHOA!!! Kya idea hai Sirjee 🙂
Soloman is a fisherman, who wears only satin shiny violet shirts, believes in the Dawaa of the Bottle, and also hires Kim Sharma for an Item Number, featuring Daler Mehndi on the vocals. Zara Bol pe dhyan dijiye – Zorse Zorse..Zor Zor Zorse 🙂
Now our dude is under the influence of alcohol, and so he hallucinates Kim Sharma as Indu or his Mithra. So he didn’t really cross the line of morality by splashing water at her and sliding that broken bottle all over her.
And just before the dance completes, Solomon offers the dude his Karizma, and the roadie dude rides the bike, walks through the desert to finally reach the palace where Mithra/ Indu is staying along with Billa [ by this time I have forgotten his present name]. Now there’s a lot of stuff happening here, but let’s just cut to the climax .
The mission is to make Indu realise about her previous incarnation – and so Bhairava brings her to the same spot from where she fell. Kinda smart you see, the whole story wraps up nicely at the same spot. But not that easily. There are explosions, more Bhairava vs. Billa action, and some actions which will give Die Hard 4.0 a run for its money. But you know what happens in the end right.. RIGHT!!! Oh yeah, there is an awesome flashback of the kickass killing of Billa 400 years back.
I know this has been sort of a narrative accompanied by spoiler screenshots. But that is exactly the whole point. I just wanted to unveil the beauty of Magadheera to everyone through this, and possibly set the mood for how you should enjoy it . What I enjoyed most about the movie is its unashamed sense of fun and entertainment. Everyone involved in the movie knows it, and this is what has been missing from all of the Bollywood movies. Magadheera is exactly what Salman Khan would’ve dreamt of Veer to look like. Instead, Veer takes itself too seriously and ends up right where it is – in the crap disposal bin.
I am sure of Ram Charan’s rise to superstardom must have been easy-peasy after the release of Magadheera. And you can tell. He is in the zone – with the swords and spears as well as the sweet and corny routine of song and dance. Right now, from the top of my head, I cannot think of anyone from Bollywood who’d be able to do this in a Hindi adaptation. And seriously, I cannot even think of an able director for such a magnum opus.
Ashutosh Gowariker ? He’ll possibly take 2 years to research it and make it another history lesson starring Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai. And the audience will clap when Ash falls from the clip and then pray that she never gets reborn.
Sanjay Leela Bhansali? He’ll pay extra details on the palatial decorations and painstakingly sit for days and months with Nitin Desai and Neeta Lulla for the dress design. Salman Khan would play Bhairava and Jackie Shroff with eyeliners would be Sher Khan. You see where I’m going. For the role of Indu, Salman would pick a lookalike of his latest girlfriend – whoever it’ll be after Katrina.
Anywho, before this turns into a mindless rant, let’s wrap things up. I’d like you to go straight away and buy, borrow, steal the DVD/ Blu Ray if you haven’t seen this. Trust me on this one.
To conclude, I’d just say, if this is what Telegu cinema promises, then Bollywood should just sit down and learn.