Steal This Pitch: Bhaago Zombies Bhaago!

Desi Zombieland

Now, I have been having quite an idle time. And when I am faced with such a situation, my mind wanders around thinking of just randomly awesome things, trying to quench my “khujlee” for “nirmal anand“, which I have no control on. Now, I cannot mention all of them, as I can’t remember most of them, and those I do remember either are too strong [read: X-Rated] to be mentioned here, or just don’t make any sense. But, idle daydreaming can also be quite fruitful. In this case, what I have come up with is a possible script of a kick-ass Bollywood movie. Now, we have seen a lot of Zombie movies, and as you might or might not know, I love zombie movies. But we are yet to see any Bollywood director make a proper Zombie movie. The keyword here is ‘proper’. Yes, we have seen live actors sleepwalk through a whole movie (*cough* Sanju Baba *cough*), and wooden faces which can corrode a zombie (*ahem* Mimoh!!). But we are not talking Ramsay face-painted monsters, or Vikram Bhatt’s lineup of monstrous unintentionally comic actors. Zombie business is serious shit. And to suit everyone’s taste buds, I am presenting you three different takes that Bollywood can adopt as its own spin on the Zombie movie genre. The sole purpose behind this post is to generate some collective creative juice so that we can get a much needed break from the deficiency of fresh new ideas. So here are..

** 3 Ideas for The Next Bollywood Zombie Movie **

a) Comedy meets Horror:

Something on the lines of Shaun Of The Dead or Zombieland. You know, something like zombies on the loose in a Mumbai local train, and busy Mumbaiyyas not giving a shit, until one of them gets bit. And then, he bites the zombie back so hard, that he almost eats his eye out. Yep, it has to be gross and graphic, and gore has got to be not-toned-down and for a change, gut-wrenching. Of course, after that, the first bite victim would have to transform into a zombie himself, and start spreading the “rage virus”.

The story could be told from the perspective of a group of  South Mumbai slackers (like that Wake Up Sid gang), who have no idea of what is happening in the real world. And then, their parents and fellow college mates start vanishing. Best part here could be the inclusion of zombie outbreak on the sets of Bigg Boss (just like in Dead Set – which I’d highly recommend everyone to watch). Who wouldn’t love to see a zombie Dolly Bindra battle it out with a zombie Kamaal R Khan?? And our heroes could beat them up to pulp, quite literally. The group could even have some sort of a Zombie Kill Count.

Don’t tell about this to – David Dhawan or Priyadarshan.
My choice for the director – Dibakar Banerjee.
Background Score – Ram Sampath’s cracking grungy loud score.
Death count – 100+
Guest role zombie – Salman Khan, the host of Bigg Boss.
Proposed TitleMaar Maarke Laal Kar Dunga ( I’ll beat you until its red)

b) Horror:

Something on the lines of 28 Days Later on the streets of Mumbai. Or The Crazies in Delhi. Or the very awesome Dawn Of The Dead. This could be a very challenging job in terms of creating a perfect claustrophobic scenario. e.g. a whole movie (of 2 hours tops), set around a group of IT employees / call centre guys, all strangers, but getting back home late night from work – from Gurgaon to Delhi, only to see CP (Connaught Place) has been completely burnt down (since the army tried to bomb down the zombies).

Subplot- Another group of guys stuck in Delhi Metro underground, who cannot escape because the gates are shut, and their only way to survive is to stick together, even though there is clearly an ego clash ( insert a North Indian love triangle here). There has to be some casualties here, and a desperate need for night vision glowing eyes of the zombies. And of course, there has to be a religious fanatic inserted in the mix of the young and hip guys, who has her own spin on the story. And the slutty one dies first (but of course).

Don’t tell about this to –  Vikram Bhatt or Sanjay Gupta
Director of Choice – Ram Gopal Varma. The man made Raat, so all your arguments  are invalid.
Cinematographer – Binod Pradhan. He knows best how to show Delhi in an apocalypitc way. And also, that’d mean RGV would have to lose out the tilted camera technique. Also expect some shaky cam.
Background Score – Sandeep Chowta
Death count – All the main lead characters, especially the ladies. The chicken characters survive somehow. And there has to be some explanation about the outbreak. Possibly, an infected person from Singapore landed at IGI airport.
Proposed TitleDead Delhi

c) Thriller/ Political Drama:

This is the most ambitious one in terms of idea. There will be only shots of the zombies through television screens in the form of news broadcasts. The focus here is on human drama, and how a quarantine camp arrangement in an apocalyptic world set in India would function. This should be something like Torchwood: Children of Earth / Miracle Day .

A zombie outbreak is a national emergency, and it would be absolutely interesting to see how the nation’s leaders would deal with it (given that we have the writers and the director making the best use of good actors and smartly written situations). Set in a near present Delhi, where the nation’s youngest Prime Minister ever faces the nation’s worst nightmare. The President has already been bitten on an aeroplane. But that is not the worst of it. How would the law and order system work when we have a nation of a billion, and almost 30% infected due to some virus spread by biting? And the count is increasing. Joint families trying to hide their loved ones, even when they are being bitten, and armies forcibly taking them away. Politicians taking care of the rich and the powerful to be kept in secured location, and a journalist leaking the story to the masses who are trying hard to survive through all of this. Aaj Tak is still the fastest news breaking channel. Also, a gangster chain operated by an ex-Army guy, who is smuggling people into these secured locations.

Don’t tell about this to: Subhash Ghai or Sanjay Leela Bhansali
Director of Choice: Neeraj Pandey or Raj Nidimoru and Krishna D.K.
Background Score: Amit Trivedi
Death Count: Reported many, none shown onscreen.
Proposed title: Rashtriya Aapatkaal (National Emergency – think about it. The story of a zombie outbreak, told through a sting operation on the nation’s leaders. Of course, there is no democracy to be spoken of, but who in their right mind, would like to lead a nation at such a moment, instead of saving their own asses).

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Spread the word right now using the buttons below, so that someone in Bolly land can pick up these ideas and translate them onto screen right away. Of course, me being a non-trained scriptwriter, there is an amalgamation of a thousand ideas which are thrown in the mix here. If someone intends to clean them up to produce a more cohesive plot, be my guest. If you are connected to any filmmaker, film magazine which can make these ideas get flashed in front of the right people, please feel free to do so (and a little credit thrown at my end would be very welcome). As always, comments and criticism are always welcome.

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One thought to “Steal This Pitch: Bhaago Zombies Bhaago!”

  1. Comedy meets horror is what I think the audiences might like to watch. The stress of the modern day is enough horror for busy people. Atleast they can get some thrill and entertainment with these kind of movies.

    [Reply]

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