Now, I have been having quite an idle time. And when I am faced with such a situation, my mind wanders around thinking of just randomly awesome things, trying to quench my “khujlee” for “nirmal anand“, which I have no control on. Now, I cannot mention all of them, as I can’t remember most of them, and those I do remember either are too strong [read: X-Rated] to be mentioned here, or just don’t make any sense. But, idle daydreaming can also be quite fruitful. In this case, what I have come up with is a possible script of a kick-ass Bollywood movie. Now, we have seen a lot of Zombie movies, and as you might or might not know, I love zombie movies. But we are yet to see any Bollywood director make a proper Zombie movie. The keyword here is ‘proper’. Yes, we have seen live actors sleepwalk through a whole movie (*cough* Sanju Baba *cough*), and wooden faces which can corrode a zombie (*ahem* Mimoh!!). But we are not talking Ramsay face-painted monsters, or Vikram Bhatt’s lineup of monstrous unintentionally comic actors. Zombie business is serious shit. And to suit everyone’s taste buds, I am presenting you three different takes that Bollywood can adopt as its own spin on the Zombie movie genre. The sole purpose behind this post is to generate some collective creative juice so that we can get a much needed break from the deficiency of fresh new ideas. So here are..

** 3 Ideas for The Next Bollywood Zombie Movie **

a) Comedy meets Horror:

Something on the lines of Shaun Of The Dead or Zombieland. You know, something like zombies on the loose in a Mumbai local train, and busy Mumbaiyyas not giving a shit, until one of them gets bit. And then, he bites the zombie back so hard, that he almost eats his eye out. Yep, it has to be gross and graphic, and gore has got to be not-toned-down and for a change, gut-wrenching. Of course, after that, the first bite victim would have to transform into a zombie himself, and start spreading the “rage virus”.

The story could be told from the perspective of a group of  South Mumbai slackers (like that Wake Up Sid gang), who have no idea of what is happening in the real world. And then, their parents and fellow college mates start vanishing. Best part here could be the inclusion of zombie outbreak on the sets of Bigg Boss (just like in Dead Set – which I’d highly recommend everyone to watch). Who wouldn’t love to see a zombie Dolly Bindra battle it out with a zombie Kamaal R Khan?? And our heroes could beat them up to pulp, quite literally. The group could even have some sort of a Zombie Kill Count.

Don’t tell about this to – David Dhawan or Priyadarshan.
My choice for the director – Dibakar Banerjee.
Background Score – Ram Sampath’s cracking grungy loud score.
Death count - 100+
Guest role zombie – Salman Khan, the host of Bigg Boss.
Proposed Title – Maar Maarke Laal Kar Dunga ( I’ll beat you until its red)

b) Horror:

Something on the lines of 28 Days Later on the streets of Mumbai. Or The Crazies in Delhi. Or the very awesome Dawn Of The Dead. This could be a very challenging job in terms of creating a perfect claustrophobic scenario. e.g. a whole movie (of 2 hours tops), set around a group of IT employees / call centre guys, all strangers, but getting back home late night from work – from Gurgaon to Delhi, only to see CP (Connaught Place) has been completely burnt down (since the army tried to bomb down the zombies).

Subplot- Another group of guys stuck in Delhi Metro underground, who cannot escape because the gates are shut, and their only way to survive is to stick together, even though there is clearly an ego clash ( insert a North Indian love triangle here). There has to be some casualties here, and a desperate need for night vision glowing eyes of the zombies. And of course, there has to be a religious fanatic inserted in the mix of the young and hip guys, who has her own spin on the story. And the slutty one dies first (but of course).

Don’t tell about this to –  Vikram Bhatt or Sanjay Gupta
Director of Choice – Ram Gopal Varma. The man made Raat, so all your arguments  are invalid.
Cinematographer – Binod Pradhan. He knows best how to show Delhi in an apocalypitc way. And also, that’d mean RGV would have to lose out the tilted camera technique. Also expect some shaky cam.
Background Score – Sandeep Chowta
Death count - All the main lead characters, especially the ladies. The chicken characters survive somehow. And there has to be some explanation about the outbreak. Possibly, an infected person from Singapore landed at IGI airport.
Proposed Title – Dead Delhi

c) Thriller/ Political Drama:

This is the most ambitious one in terms of idea. There will be only shots of the zombies through television screens in the form of news broadcasts. The focus here is on human drama, and how a quarantine camp arrangement in an apocalyptic world set in India would function. This should be something like Torchwood: Children of Earth / Miracle Day .

A zombie outbreak is a national emergency, and it would be absolutely interesting to see how the nation’s leaders would deal with it (given that we have the writers and the director making the best use of good actors and smartly written situations). Set in a near present Delhi, where the nation’s youngest Prime Minister ever faces the nation’s worst nightmare. The President has already been bitten on an aeroplane. But that is not the worst of it. How would the law and order system work when we have a nation of a billion, and almost 30% infected due to some virus spread by biting? And the count is increasing. Joint families trying to hide their loved ones, even when they are being bitten, and armies forcibly taking them away. Politicians taking care of the rich and the powerful to be kept in secured location, and a journalist leaking the story to the masses who are trying hard to survive through all of this. Aaj Tak is still the fastest news breaking channel. Also, a gangster chain operated by an ex-Army guy, who is smuggling people into these secured locations.

Don’t tell about this to: Subhash Ghai or Sanjay Leela Bhansali
Director of Choice: Neeraj Pandey or Raj Nidimoru and Krishna D.K.
Background Score: Amit Trivedi
Death Count: Reported many, none shown onscreen.
Proposed title: Rashtriya Aapatkaal (National Emergency - think about it. The story of a zombie outbreak, told through a sting operation on the nation’s leaders. Of course, there is no democracy to be spoken of, but who in their right mind, would like to lead a nation at such a moment, instead of saving their own asses).

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Spread the word right now using the buttons below, so that someone in Bolly land can pick up these ideas and translate them onto screen right away. Of course, me being a non-trained scriptwriter, there is an amalgamation of a thousand ideas which are thrown in the mix here. If someone intends to clean them up to produce a more cohesive plot, be my guest. If you are connected to any filmmaker, film magazine which can make these ideas get flashed in front of the right people, please feel free to do so (and a little credit thrown at my end would be very welcome). As always, comments and criticism are always welcome.

I enjoy R-rated (or in desi terms, rated A for Adult) films, for the fact that they give the filmmaker, the sort of independence, to portray characters and situations as real as possible, without any restrictions to fit into a set of rules of dos and don’ts. It is the same reason why movies such as the Godfather, Hangover, Tarantino movies or Guy Ritchie Brit-gangster flicks, which are layered with violence, blood and abusive language at the drop of a hat, manage to stand out as movies that are quoted repeatedly, as well as discussed over and over again, over a pint at the pub. To have restricted them to a lower rating would be like clipping their wings. Having said that, an R-rating doesn’t necessarily mean that every single word in the script needs an expletive suffix replete with F-bombs. Debutante director Abinay Deo’s DELHI BELLY is a mix of the two. There is enough potential and it also delivers the goods as a quality Rated R comic thriller, but at times, it falls prey to a contrived script written to ‘please’ a certain audience – that audience which gives a wolf-whistle when a rhyming curse word is uttered. But that does not take away most of the goodness from what DELHI BELLY achieves over its 90+ minutes, and there’s plenty of that.

The story:

The opening title credits settle on a frame of a hairy bum crack. The setting is a filthy, dirty and ‘messy to the brim’ flat, waiting to collapse, being shared by the lead trio – Tashi Dorjee Lhatoo (Imran Khan playing a Bhutani? Doesn’t seem right!), Nitin Berry (Kunal Roy Kapoor) and Arup(Vir Das). Tashi is a Times of India journo and Nitin is his accompanying photographer on a rusty scooter and Arup is a cartoonist. Tashi is caught between a relationship with a marriage notice, his boss at work Menaka(Poorna Jagarnnathan), and somehow the trio find themselves caught in between a smuggler web because of diamonds that they are unknowingly supposed to deliver. There is the expected chase to survive, making money on the way, and of course enough boom, bam, kisses and slams to keep you engrossed. And as they say, what matters is the journey, not the destination. With an appetite for munching down all possibilities of toilet humour that can be thrown at the audience, DELHI BELLY rolls from corner to corner with desi versions of the F-bombs.

Delhi:

If you go by the name, DELHI BELLY on its exterior, does not quite serve as a DELHI based story, apart from the minor nudge-nudge references to sign boards of Vasant Vihar and the Old Delhi roof top view (you know the one where Abhishek Bachchan does a freerunning exhibit in Delhi 6). But even so, there are some scenes which boldly shout out ‘Ye Dilli hai mere yaar!’. The sub-plot of Menaka’s boyfriend trying to hunt down Tashi and Menaka, as his sidekicks drive down the streets, reminds me of ‘No One Killed Jessica‘. This is a man who has a gun in his hand, a bloated ego and power in his head and believes that he is above the law. The whole – Tu jaanta nahi main kaun hu – attitude is what represents the rich and elite spoilt brats of the political capital who believe that they can buy expensive lawyers and hence buy their innocence, no matter what. And then there’s collapsing buildings, GB Road scandals of a landlord, street stalls not so high on hygiene and loots at Jewellery shops of Zhaveri Bazar by three burqa clad ..ahem..ladies. Now THAT is so Delhi!

The performances:

The ladies – Shehnaz Treasury (she’s dropped the ‘wallah’, possibly fearing that Anil Kapoor would start screaming her last name out loud) as well as Poorna Jagarnathan, merely serve as elements of raunchy scenes ( one of them being oral sex, the other being a fake moaning ritual). The lead trio is at the top of their game. Vir Das is wicked and snappy with his lines, whilst Imran Khan is just passable (No, I don’t think this was award winning material as far as acting was concerned). Of the trio, Kunal Roy Kapoor stands out as the most ‘natural’ as he struggles between attending to his nature’s call, and delivering the best lines in the movie. But it is the movie’s villain, Vijay Raaz ( aka PK Dubey from Monsoon Wedding ) who steals the show with his cold and deadpan portrayal of the diamond gangster. The man has got immense screen presence, and the sort of image that commands absolute attention. He calls out ‘Bunty’ and an immediate whack lands on the face, and you believe what you see. Someone collect all the awards and give it to him already.

The music:

The music is outstanding and composer Ram Sampath deserves a big pat on his back for this one. He’s for sure receiving the RD Burman Filmfare Award next year. Although the movie has almost no explicitly playbacked songs, the songs serve as a driving force with the narrative. Whilst the entire nation and beyond continues to swoon to the catchy tune of DK Bose, the remaining tracks of the soundtrack have more to offer. The title credit track – Saigal Blues, serves as an epilogue to the plot, whereas Nakkad Wale Disco gives a market feeling of Zaveri Bazar. There is even a reference to the competition song featuring the immortal trumpet track by Manohari Singh in RD Burman’s awesome Competition medley from Nasir Hussain’s (Aamir Khan’s uncle) Hum Kisi Se Kum Nahi. The very rock and heavy – Jaa Chudail, which has Vir Das in an Elvis suit, as a character called Disco King, is a brilliant concept and something which leaves me asking for more as it is quite abruptly ended (please make a full video of this). But quite surprisingly, I hate you( Like I love you) featuring Item boy, Aamir Khan as a love-child of Bappi Lahiri and Mithun da( no, don’t think in those terms please) dressed in bling, Austin Powers chest hair, and what not, is an awesome nod to the 70′s shiny disco ball theme. Unfortunately, it is an end credit showdown, and somewhat steals the thunder of the awesome climax.

To conclude:

Nevertheless, apart from a few annoyances of a-bit-more-than-needed farts and dropping sounds, the film triumphs like the lead trio, who manage to finish off the baddies, and even get the girl. Certainly not a family entertainer, and if you are quite easily offended by abusive language, then stay the fuck out of this . If not, then this is the sort of movie which will breeze through with its catchy urban language and entertain you through and through. Now, how many movies can claim of being able to do that these days, eh?

OKS Rating: 3.5 “Jhumke” out of 5

I am going through a mental state right now. And hence, my ideas, my thought process and my interpretation of daily life is bizarre (even for me). It’s probably an after-effect of sleeping 5 hours a day, and watching too much sci-fi. For the uninitiated, I am a self-proclaimed geek ( I have a separate blog catering to that side of me – 9e3k ). Anywho, that bit of background information was necessary, because whilst recapping to 2000′s JP Dutta feature – Refugee, I have made some liberal changes in the name of creativity and the sole purpose of achieving ‘Nirmal Anand’.

Original synopsis: Refugee tells the story of two lovers from either side of the border. Abhishek portrays the lead role of Refugee, an illegal transporter facilitating families to cross the border. And then he falls in love with one of the passengers – Naaz (Kareena Kapoor ). And then they sing, they dance, they face conflicts from the border authorities, and eventually overcome all odds. And oh, she conceives a baby and has the delivery at the Line of Control. And if I can remember correctly, Suniel Shetty ( who plays this Pakistani army dude) names that holy place of delivery – Insaniyatstan. Epic Etymology.

Now with no disrespect to JP Dutta or to the entire team of Refugee, hasn’t that story of love been done a zillion time before? Ok, not a zillion times agreed ( there aren’t as many movies made yet LOL). How about we give Refugee, the much needed booster kick and convert it into an Epic Sci-Fi saga. In four scenes flat.

Scene 1: Lost in the desert between this universe and the other, is our female lead – Bebo.

Yes, she is cursed by a Timelord. Not Samay ( or Harish Bhimani),  but by a proper Timelord, who sucks out energy from her life-source. That is, the remaining time she has to live, is all converted into KiloJoules of energy, and she is stuck in this time-frame of 4 seconds. Poor girl.

Scene 2 commences after the jump.

Scene 2: Our Munda – Male Lead is a space traveller and also a mutant. He received his internship under Magneto himself, and with Mannaniya Adhyaksh Mahoday Magneto’s Aashirwaad, can bend not only metals and matter, but also time and space. A brief demo.

Yes, the ability to bend not only metals, but also  matter, time and space have been added for convenience of the plot. Creative Freedom you see.

Scene 3:  BEBO won’t trust Junior Bachchan. It takes two songs to convince her that indeed, Sadda Abhishek can break the curse. Bebo’s doubt is that if Abhishek is that powerful, then why is he not wearing an underwear outside and instead wearing a Pathani suit. Silly woman. No budget for costumes due to SFX budget. Anywho, after extra efforts of man convincing woman, an exercise is triggered, where North and South poles of the magnets situated in Abhishek and Bebo’s palms respectively, are joined and separated. This process is repeated 42 times *wink wink* !

Scene 4: Once the curse is broken, the only thing left is for the couple to kiss and make out and live happily ever after. But since this is a SciFi love saga, almost on the lines of Star Wars (but less politics and much lesser plastic soldiers), and also since we are intrinsically Desi peepuul, we enjoy our Bhangra at any occasion. So, here you go people. Let’s do the…..

JEDI BHANGRA

FIN.

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Share the love and awesomeness of this post using the buttons below. May the Force be with you. And someone please tweet this to Mr JuniorBachchan as well.

Statutory Warning: All events depicted in this post are fictitious and deliciously humorous. If you do believe that these are real, then you should join the OKS Club as a co-writer. If you found this offensive, then please read news websites instead. There’s more offending stuff there to keep you busy.

Lemme begin with a the wise words of the world famous in India, vet Bhatavlekar – It is a true. What is? That Sheila ki Jawani has made me ‘Rumaani’. Thank you, thank you! Just when you thought Munni could not get any more badnaam, Farah and Katrina have teamed up alongside Sunidhi and Vishal to steam up with a chart topper. But enough about that item song. We at OKS control room are more geared up and loaded than ever more. This is all making no sense. It happens when anyone sees the following.

Meanwhile in Delhi, this wasn’t received very well. Especially with Suresh Kalmadi ( citation required). When the word spread about the existence of a certain song dedicated to the Chief Minster’s jawaani, the DMC hosted a big bash in her honour. Picture below.

But somewhere far away, in a living room…

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing – first on twitter – Chulbul Pandey !!!!

Since Chulbul is a man of more words that can never fit in 140 characters, he decided to invade Phacebook! And so he did! But before he could write anything even on his wall, his Dukhiyari Amma invaded his wall.

But Chulbul wasn’t going to listen to her. In true Herogiri style, he kicks his brother, to the music of Sajid Wajid.

Time for proper intro. 21 years later…

And oh, Chulbul Pandey cannot rejisht the Jalwa… What Jalwa yu ask. See it below.

Time for the other characters to make a Facebook entry as well. Oh, I meant, Phacebook!

But Cheddi Singh will not take it so easily. As in, Chulbul invading his property and all that Hero vs Villain shit. He still believes he’s the Hero — Go figure! So, Ladies, and Gent’s here it is, the time for mammoth face-off.

And then, Chulbul said:  Screw this, time for Paap se dharti phatii phatii..

Muscles se meri shirt Phatiii Phatii..Phatii…!!!

Is that the happy ending of the story? Not done yet!!!

Here’s what Chulbul is busy with..

Thanks to Praxy ( who tweets as @Pr4k4shR4j90p41) for educating me with the wonders of Firefox to edit Facebook, and just about any website in real time, without any compiling or saving of code.

P.S. No real actors were harmed, cursed or hurt in the making of this post. Please feel free to share this post on twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, StumbleUpon etc. And again, if you do share these images, please do credit my blog as the source. Dhanyawaad!!!

Disclaimer: The intention of this post is not to mar any person’s dignity or self esteem, dead or alive. Its just a piss take and please take it in the best of the spirits. Please don’t sue me. I am not a rich dude. KTHXBAI!

Ok, I am the occasional chick-flick visitor. I have watched the likes of Notting Hill (who hasn’t), Bridget Jones Diary etc etc. On quite a few occasions, I have managed to even like them. Not because of the underlying romance, but because the characterisation was very well dealt with. Be it the failing travel book store owner or the dumped writer who falls for the Portuguese girl or even the dancing Prime Minister (I know you know all those references). Which now brings me to Aisha, an adaptation of Jane Austen’s Emma (as the publicity press releases say) and unofficially copied from Clueless. I have neither read the book, nor seen the Alicia Silverstone movie. So what I write here, is just judging the movie by its own strengths and flaws.

Well you remember the first of the series – Tweeting the Movie – Veer( Part 1 and Part 2) . So here I am, with Chapter 2 – Aisha. Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise about the two hours of your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done.
P.S. The language on this post can get a bit too colourful for your taste, if you know what I mean

Hiya @everyone. I am like totally awesome chick.

I like, spend my rich Dad’s hard-earned cash for a living and have nicknamed it ‘Event Management’. How cool! #winwin

And like, I totally dig true love. Its so cute to see MILFs getting hitched with DILFs innit. #AishaIsAwesome Pls RT. kthxbye

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P.S. I like animals, I pretend to like Polo coz its totally upmarket.

Quick, time for an Elle makeover twitpic.

I’m having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses.

Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’? #hangover

Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible.

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Hiya @everyone. I am Bose, Pinky Bose.

Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.

We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).

Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her. #scifiTweet

Together, we form the ‘We love Aisha fanclub’ and spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. ooooh shoes!!!

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Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.

I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, #HayyRabba!!

Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.

Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…

Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.

Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!

P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally! #ShefaliFTW

And yes, that last tweet was more than 140 characters. I’m awesome!

So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya

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Whilst all of this is happening, the dudes in the movie are suffering from acute deficiency of testosterone.

@Aisha Girl, you need to take life lessons from me. After all, I am Mr.Practical from Wharton and shit.

@AmritaNYReturnGal You did come back due to recession, didn’t you? The black bikini clad sari outfit suits you.

@Aisha You gotta stop trying to fabricate lovey dovey situations aight!

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Oi @Arjun, you need to stop giving me these tips. If I needed those, I’d rather go to Baba Ramdev and start doing Kapaal Bharti. Bloody #InvestmentBanker!!

Oh yes, ’bout the last tweet. These non-creative rational beings, they should be totally eradicated from the face of this earth.

And then, this planet will be filled with people – all of whom are dressed in Armani and #Versace branded garments. How pwetty!

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@Aisha Of course, of course , that’s the life innit.

BTW @Aisha, why have you kept your mouth open so widely? Breathing problems?

Also @Aisha, what’s with those heart shaped glasses.

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Arre nahi yaar @Arjun, my eyes are all drained out by the immense amount of work I have put into nuturing my pink teddy bear all night.

And suno @Arjun, my mouth is open, just in case someone gives me some ‘chanda’ for my next new dress. I am bankrupt now you see.

Where’s mah girls?? Bitches!!! Come to me. #ILoveAishaFanClub

@Shefali Tum ye karo @PinkyBose Tum wo karo

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Naari ka Samman Karo, Mat Uska Apmaan karo !!!

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Man, what am I supposed to do. @Aisha Is  this our first date?

@AmritaNYReturnGal Is this our first… ummmmmm!!!!

Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body??

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Enough!!! Enough of all this shallowness. Even I can’t sink LOL.

Time now to hit on that rich @MithaiwallaDude. I know he totally digs Aisha, but still.Shhh!! #EvilPlan

And I know exactly when to ask him out, right after he comes out of the loo, and when I am like almost shitting myself (literally) with the loo roll in my hand. #Twitpic

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Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.

I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.

Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.

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No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. #Bitchwanti

*** Gave me the Sunshine.. of Seasons Past***

Warning: This is not a review of 3 idiots. And sometimes the language in this post could be a tad colourful for your taste.

I am a child of the eighties. Unlike the children of the late Nineties or the Noughties, who grew up with Satellite TV and alternative career choices, my options were limited. I never clearly knew what I wanted to do. Maybe I don’t know still. I was good in Maths. I hated blood and dissecting frogs, and I wanted to travel outside my hometown, maybe work somewhere in a city in India or even abroad. I have 3 cousins who are Engineers, and hence my parents were keen enough to make me one. And so I became one. All of this sums me up as a blend of Raju, Farhaan and Rancho – our three protagonists of 3 idiots. And hence, unlike “reviewers” who would compare this with Munnabhai B.Tech [with certainly no idea of what they're talking about], I feel deeply connected with this movie in a very obvious way. I have gone through that phase of peer pressure, fear of failure, coping with parental expectations and above all, the struggle between the safe-route naukri routine and the true calling in one’s self. I have a confession to make – I became a Mechanical engineer not because I was fascinated about Machines or autombiles, but because it ensured a better and a secured future. [ #Fact: Majority of Mechanical and Civil Engineers get recruited by IT services MNC's, or go ahead with yet another struggle called CAT]. And yes, although I am not proud of my decision that I never gave enough room for my own interest in music, movies or writing which surely doesn’t match my Mechanical Engg degree [or my Masters in Operational Research], it certainly pays off my bills and in a way they make me happy. Yes, I am materialistic, who’s not?

But let’s not ramble around like this, and get back to the movie. The world of 3 idiots set in a certain Imperial College of Engineering is typical of any Engineering college campus. The water tank aka ‘Tanki’ is reminiscent of the one that was in my campus. Of course, we had a biological name for it And like non-living objects, we had nicknames for each and every character we found as worthy of being termed as a characteristic. So similar to the movie which has Chatur the Silencer, we had a Silent Killer, a DOPA [Dean of P@ndy Affairs] and also Remix King [I wish he's reading this] who was responsible to add his wicked non-veg remixes to popular Bolly numbers [shining examples being Behra Piya Bada Bedardi, Hilake Pilake- Sharara Sharara and something that I can't write about in public but I can certainly reveal that it is based on Tushar Kapoor's Is Pyaar Ko Main Kya Naam Duu]. Although I wasn’t at all as competitive as Chatur, I did know an awful lot of people who were the ulta-cramming machines like Chatur, but quite ironically, would never top the class. And amongst others, I also had a couple of mates who would spend late nights until the wee hours of the morning playing cards or multi-player games and still score the highest marks. Typical Ranchos they were. And also a world which had the multi-tasking Millimeter, the Mega-Byte and Giga-Bytes And for such obvious reasons that the movie brought all these memories back to me in a gush, I loved it. Not just a bit, but a whole lot.

Of course, 3 idiots has its share of flaws of being totally over-the-top bollywood melodrama with the main hero going straight for the director’s daughter who looks like Bebo. Oh yeah, it was inspired from that book, but there’s an explanation to that. Rancho says Peeya’s mum should’ve been a looker and explains – Have you seen your dad? The melodrama and Bolly masala continues with the lukewarm chemistry between Rancho and Peeya which actually acts as a distraction to the main plotline. Not to forget the scene that I despise – The now infamous – online tutored – video conferenced – delivery scene with the aid of pressure controlled vacuum cleaner with special mention of YouTube. Not to forget Boman Irani’s portrayal of the velcro shirt wearing, time-efficient director who has a power-nap and a shave simultaneously while tuning into Opera music is although a bit OTT, I can certainly vouch for similar characters profs who have similar extreme deviant behaviour. And yeah, yeah I am well aware of the comparison of Jadoo ki Jhappi and Gandhigiri to Aaall izz Well!! But does that really bother you? Really?

But I am not complaining at all. For what it is worth, 3 idiots is a gem of a movie. It has its heart at the right place. Sharman Joshi had impressed us previously with his crackling portrayal of Sukhi (Range de Basanti) and in 3 idiots, he brings back that very innocence, and the vulnerability in the character of Raju. Extra browie points for Raju Hirani and Abhijat Joshi to have condensed Raju’s family background in a Bollywood vintage showreel montage. That was ROFL stuff. And Farhaan’s story narrated in the skin by Madhavan was just spot on. From his 1st minute-on-earth expectation load given by his Abba, to his effortlessly expressive acting, he is a breeze to watch. And of course 44-year old Aamir Khan playing a late teens guy [yes not twenties duh! We enter Engineering in our late teens, to clarify everyone who have been talking about 44 yr old Aamir playing a twenty something] is a funtoosh character. Someone should probably make “The Curious Case of Ever-Young Fair n Lovely Aamir Khan” someday And for people who find it hard to believe that a single guy can dance, sing, make hovering copter models, not care about studying late nights, romancing the leading lady, and yet emerge triumphant with the mark-sheet – lemme just say, there are such mahapurush in every batch of every department of every effin Engineering college.

And although the movie was replete with age-old jokes of students bribing gods for their results, or the paper-mixing joke or the one about -how does an induction motor start, it still makes me chuckle. And even no cynical bastard can fail to do so. Most importantly I’d like to applaud Raju Hirani for making a bold statement about the state of the Indian education system which is more stressed on the mark-sheet rather than the ‘kaabiliyat’ [ability]. I cannot disassemble an automobile engine, and my 96% marks in Machine design certainly should only remain true on paper. But I am not sure about Engineering colleges demanding text-book definitions rather than the basic concept. This is more of a high-school norm. I was wishing though that I do get to see a bit of the Kota community, FIITJEE and Bansal classes story which leads these bhains-bakri people to Imperial College. That’d been an interesting 2 minute lead to their college joining.

Chatur’s obsession with becoming successful in terms of material possessions is a harsh truth that I find in myself. Yes, in Fight Club style, we try to evaluate ourselves in terms of an Ikea catalogue by the amount of Vintage Wine we have at home, the marble flooring, the Swiss watch we wear, or the gadgets we have but hardly have an effing clue how to use. It was funny to see how Chatur remembered about a 10 year old challenge and comes back to show how much he has achieved. Some people are bloody competitive. The other side of Chatur being a complete misfit in a Hindi speaking population has been awesomely portrayed by Omi Vaidya. His confusion over the proper usage of gender with Hindi is typical and funny and not exaggeration to a bit. And that’s because he does not say Aiiyo before every line, and still manages to makes me wet my pants everytime he says -Mootra Visarjan

But that’s enough of me ranting about the movie. Engineer or not – you should go watch this movie. Thanks to Raju and Abhijat Joshi to have written a wonderful story and to have borrowed just a limited bit from the book. Thanks for an awesome Intermission and for a zippy cameo by Javed Jaffri. Thanks to Shantanu Moitra for giving all the engineers a new anthem – Give Me Some Sunshine, Give Me Some Rain, Give Me Another Chance, I wanna grow up once again, and of course to Shaan and Shantanu to have given us – Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh. Every time the lines – Yaar Humara Tha Wo- appears, I get reminded of the many friends I have lost contact with, with whom I have spent a whole lotta sleepless nights, drinking, watching horrible B-grade movies, playing Need For Speed or Unreal Tournament, or bunking classes and tormenting juniors to write our assignments. 3 idiots succeded in bringing back all those memories in just a matter of a couple of minutes. And for that reason alone, I declare it as Bloody Brilliant!!

And to conclude, I dedicate this post, to my lovely mates from college. A picture to share – captured on the day of my last exam of final semester. No points for guessing that guy in the middle. And for the record – no matter what – Mechs Rock!!!!

Time for some insanity connecting two absolutely different characters. This edition of Separated At Birth is to do with two extremely transformed characters with some mindblowing make-up work. There were no second thoughts when I saw Mr. Amitabh Bachchan’s avatar in the new to-be-released R.Balki film – Paa. So, in the Red Corner, we have Mr. Amitabh Bachchan in heavy make-up to look like a 13-year-old boy with a rare genetic defect that accelerates ageing. The make-up is certainly ground breaking stuff in Bollywood, and has been done by Oscar-nominated makeup specialist Christien Tinsley and Dominie Till. [ courtesy: NDTV ]

And in the Blue Corner is ROFL..mindblowing comic artiste – Catherine Tate as Uncle Derek. Uncle Derek’s character is of a middle aged gay guy, who lives with his mother and partner. But he would not admit to being gay. There are a series of sketches on Derek and it is extremely hilarious.

After the Jump, how Catherine Tate actually looks like, and a few embeds of Uncle Derek sketches.

So, Catherine Tate actually looks like this:

ROFL. Just Kidding. That’s another character on the Catherine Tate show called Nan. You have to see it to believe it.

Here’s how she looks like in reality.

And to end, I’d introduce you to some awesome videos of Uncle Derek.

And that’s Lauren, a troublesome school going girl. Her fav dialogue: Am I bovvered? Watch the video below.

And finally, my favourite – Nan

You got to watch the video below. Let me warn you though, the language is colourful.