Disclaimer: The intention of this post is not to mar any person’s dignity or self esteem, dead or alive. Its just a piss take and please take it in the best of the spirits. Please don’t sue me. I am not a rich dude. KTHXBAI!

Ok, I am the occasional chick-flick visitor. I have watched the likes of Notting Hill (who hasn’t), Bridget Jones Diary etc etc. On quite a few occasions, I have managed to even like them. Not because of the underlying romance, but because the characterisation was very well dealt with. Be it the failing travel book store owner or the dumped writer who falls for the Portuguese girl or even the dancing Prime Minister (I know you know all those references). Which now brings me to Aisha, an adaptation of Jane Austen’s Emma (as the publicity press releases say) and unofficially copied from Clueless. I have neither read the book, nor seen the Alicia Silverstone movie. So what I write here, is just judging the movie by its own strengths and flaws.

Well you remember the first of the series – Tweeting the Movie – Veer( Part 1 and Part 2) . So here I am, with Chapter 2 – Aisha. Its always fun to take the piss out of movies which make you realise about the two hours of your life that you’ll never get back. And so here I am, spending more than 2 hours to get this post done.
P.S. The language on this post can get a bit too colourful for your taste, if you know what I mean

Hiya @everyone. I am like totally awesome chick.

I like, spend my rich Dad’s hard-earned cash for a living and have nicknamed it ‘Event Management’. How cool! #winwin

And like, I totally dig true love. Its so cute to see MILFs getting hitched with DILFs innit. #AishaIsAwesome Pls RT. kthxbye

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P.S. I like animals, I pretend to like Polo coz its totally upmarket.

Quick, time for an Elle makeover twitpic.

I’m having a hangover from that party I had last night. Hence the glasses.

Also, I can’t remember which movie I am in right now. Is this ‘I Hate Luv Stories’? #hangover

Also, I so love sobbing whilst I watch that Kajol-SRK dancing in the rain scene from K2H2. That movie is my Bible.

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Hiya @everyone. I am Bose, Pinky Bose.

Together with Aisha, we spread the all mighty shallowness of our lives through our devotion to the Elles, Vogues, Chanels and the likes.

We wear shades in the night (just kidding!).

Oh, I love Aisha so much that I’d get my face cloned like her. #scifiTweet

Together, we form the ‘We love Aisha fanclub’ and spend all day long spending money on all kinda.. ooooh shoes!!!

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Myself Shefali from Haryana. I am the Behenji types.

I am like in the big city to find a Dulha for myself, and fall in love, #HayyRabba!!

Doesn’t matter how many times I fool myself falling in ‘love’ with so many men. Oh! I am so confused jee.

Thanks Aisha jee, for making me your project, and transforming me into that…

Here’s my Before and After transform pic. Now watch closely, coz this is going to be more interesting than anything else in this movie.

Some dude will definitely fall for me, hai naa!

P.S. All this was my evil plan, huaahahaa. All this while, when Aisha and everyone else would be busy dealing with all the superficial problems of their shallow lives, I will actually steal the show. Like totally! #ShefaliFTW

And yes, that last tweet was more than 140 characters. I’m awesome!

So, officially, we are the I love Aisha fan club. Any moment now, we’ll start singing – Piya Piya O Piya Piya

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Whilst all of this is happening, the dudes in the movie are suffering from acute deficiency of testosterone.

@Aisha Girl, you need to take life lessons from me. After all, I am Mr.Practical from Wharton and shit.

@AmritaNYReturnGal You did come back due to recession, didn’t you? The black bikini clad sari outfit suits you.

@Aisha You gotta stop trying to fabricate lovey dovey situations aight!

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Oi @Arjun, you need to stop giving me these tips. If I needed those, I’d rather go to Baba Ramdev and start doing Kapaal Bharti. Bloody #InvestmentBanker!!

Oh yes, ’bout the last tweet. These non-creative rational beings, they should be totally eradicated from the face of this earth.

And then, this planet will be filled with people – all of whom are dressed in Armani and #Versace branded garments. How pwetty!

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@Aisha Of course, of course , that’s the life innit.

BTW @Aisha, why have you kept your mouth open so widely? Breathing problems?

Also @Aisha, what’s with those heart shaped glasses.

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Arre nahi yaar @Arjun, my eyes are all drained out by the immense amount of work I have put into nuturing my pink teddy bear all night.

And suno @Arjun, my mouth is open, just in case someone gives me some ‘chanda’ for my next new dress. I am bankrupt now you see.

Where’s mah girls?? Bitches!!! Come to me. #ILoveAishaFanClub

@Shefali Tum ye karo @PinkyBose Tum wo karo

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Naari ka Samman Karo, Mat Uska Apmaan karo !!!

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Man, what am I supposed to do. @Aisha Is  this our first date?

@AmritaNYReturnGal Is this our first… ummmmmm!!!!

Man, what am I supposed to do. Build some more body??

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Enough!!! Enough of all this shallowness. Even I can’t sink LOL.

Time now to hit on that rich @MithaiwallaDude. I know he totally digs Aisha, but still.Shhh!! #EvilPlan

And I know exactly when to ask him out, right after he comes out of the loo, and when I am like almost shitting myself (literally) with the loo roll in my hand. #Twitpic

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Meanwhile, I’ll keep on stealing the thunder from all these bitches.

I’m gonna first fall for Randhir, oh jee am confused.. And then Dhruv, and then.. Arjun.

Ha! The slag from Haryana, that’s what they’ll call me.

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No one steals the thunder of the superbitch, that’s me!!!! Banungi main.. #Bitchwanti

*** Gave me the Sunshine.. of Seasons Past***

Warning: This is not a review of 3 idiots. And sometimes the language in this post could be a tad colourful for your taste.

I am a child of the eighties. Unlike the children of the late Nineties or the Noughties, who grew up with Satellite TV and alternative career choices, my options were limited. I never clearly knew what I wanted to do. Maybe I don’t know still. I was good in Maths. I hated blood and dissecting frogs, and I wanted to travel outside my hometown, maybe work somewhere in a city in India or even abroad. I have 3 cousins who are Engineers, and hence my parents were keen enough to make me one. And so I became one. All of this sums me up as a blend of Raju, Farhaan and Rancho – our three protagonists of 3 idiots. And hence, unlike “reviewers” who would compare this with Munnabhai B.Tech [with certainly no idea of what they're talking about], I feel deeply connected with this movie in a very obvious way. I have gone through that phase of peer pressure, fear of failure, coping with parental expectations and above all, the struggle between the safe-route naukri routine and the true calling in one’s self. I have a confession to make – I became a Mechanical engineer not because I was fascinated about Machines or autombiles, but because it ensured a better and a secured future. [ #Fact: Majority of Mechanical and Civil Engineers get recruited by IT services MNC's, or go ahead with yet another struggle called CAT]. And yes, although I am not proud of my decision that I never gave enough room for my own interest in music, movies or writing which surely doesn’t match my Mechanical Engg degree [or my Masters in Operational Research], it certainly pays off my bills and in a way they make me happy. Yes, I am materialistic, who’s not?

But let’s not ramble around like this, and get back to the movie. The world of 3 idiots set in a certain Imperial College of Engineering is typical of any Engineering college campus. The water tank aka ‘Tanki’ is reminiscent of the one that was in my campus. Of course, we had a biological name for it And like non-living objects, we had nicknames for each and every character we found as worthy of being termed as a characteristic. So similar to the movie which has Chatur the Silencer, we had a Silent Killer, a DOPA [Dean of P@ndy Affairs] and also Remix King [I wish he's reading this] who was responsible to add his wicked non-veg remixes to popular Bolly numbers [shining examples being Behra Piya Bada Bedardi, Hilake Pilake- Sharara Sharara and something that I can't write about in public but I can certainly reveal that it is based on Tushar Kapoor's Is Pyaar Ko Main Kya Naam Duu]. Although I wasn’t at all as competitive as Chatur, I did know an awful lot of people who were the ulta-cramming machines like Chatur, but quite ironically, would never top the class. And amongst others, I also had a couple of mates who would spend late nights until the wee hours of the morning playing cards or multi-player games and still score the highest marks. Typical Ranchos they were. And also a world which had the multi-tasking Millimeter, the Mega-Byte and Giga-Bytes And for such obvious reasons that the movie brought all these memories back to me in a gush, I loved it. Not just a bit, but a whole lot.

Of course, 3 idiots has its share of flaws of being totally over-the-top bollywood melodrama with the main hero going straight for the director’s daughter who looks like Bebo. Oh yeah, it was inspired from that book, but there’s an explanation to that. Rancho says Peeya’s mum should’ve been a looker and explains – Have you seen your dad? The melodrama and Bolly masala continues with the lukewarm chemistry between Rancho and Peeya which actually acts as a distraction to the main plotline. Not to forget the scene that I despise – The now infamous – online tutored – video conferenced – delivery scene with the aid of pressure controlled vacuum cleaner with special mention of YouTube. Not to forget Boman Irani’s portrayal of the velcro shirt wearing, time-efficient director who has a power-nap and a shave simultaneously while tuning into Opera music is although a bit OTT, I can certainly vouch for similar characters profs who have similar extreme deviant behaviour. And yeah, yeah I am well aware of the comparison of Jadoo ki Jhappi and Gandhigiri to Aaall izz Well!! But does that really bother you? Really?

But I am not complaining at all. For what it is worth, 3 idiots is a gem of a movie. It has its heart at the right place. Sharman Joshi had impressed us previously with his crackling portrayal of Sukhi (Range de Basanti) and in 3 idiots, he brings back that very innocence, and the vulnerability in the character of Raju. Extra browie points for Raju Hirani and Abhijat Joshi to have condensed Raju’s family background in a Bollywood vintage showreel montage. That was ROFL stuff. And Farhaan’s story narrated in the skin by Madhavan was just spot on. From his 1st minute-on-earth expectation load given by his Abba, to his effortlessly expressive acting, he is a breeze to watch. And of course 44-year old Aamir Khan playing a late teens guy [yes not twenties duh! We enter Engineering in our late teens, to clarify everyone who have been talking about 44 yr old Aamir playing a twenty something] is a funtoosh character. Someone should probably make “The Curious Case of Ever-Young Fair n Lovely Aamir Khan” someday And for people who find it hard to believe that a single guy can dance, sing, make hovering copter models, not care about studying late nights, romancing the leading lady, and yet emerge triumphant with the mark-sheet – lemme just say, there are such mahapurush in every batch of every department of every effin Engineering college.

And although the movie was replete with age-old jokes of students bribing gods for their results, or the paper-mixing joke or the one about -how does an induction motor start, it still makes me chuckle. And even no cynical bastard can fail to do so. Most importantly I’d like to applaud Raju Hirani for making a bold statement about the state of the Indian education system which is more stressed on the mark-sheet rather than the ‘kaabiliyat’ [ability]. I cannot disassemble an automobile engine, and my 96% marks in Machine design certainly should only remain true on paper. But I am not sure about Engineering colleges demanding text-book definitions rather than the basic concept. This is more of a high-school norm. I was wishing though that I do get to see a bit of the Kota community, FIITJEE and Bansal classes story which leads these bhains-bakri people to Imperial College. That’d been an interesting 2 minute lead to their college joining.

Chatur’s obsession with becoming successful in terms of material possessions is a harsh truth that I find in myself. Yes, in Fight Club style, we try to evaluate ourselves in terms of an Ikea catalogue by the amount of Vintage Wine we have at home, the marble flooring, the Swiss watch we wear, or the gadgets we have but hardly have an effing clue how to use. It was funny to see how Chatur remembered about a 10 year old challenge and comes back to show how much he has achieved. Some people are bloody competitive. The other side of Chatur being a complete misfit in a Hindi speaking population has been awesomely portrayed by Omi Vaidya. His confusion over the proper usage of gender with Hindi is typical and funny and not exaggeration to a bit. And that’s because he does not say Aiiyo before every line, and still manages to makes me wet my pants everytime he says -Mootra Visarjan

But that’s enough of me ranting about the movie. Engineer or not – you should go watch this movie. Thanks to Raju and Abhijat Joshi to have written a wonderful story and to have borrowed just a limited bit from the book. Thanks for an awesome Intermission and for a zippy cameo by Javed Jaffri. Thanks to Shantanu Moitra for giving all the engineers a new anthem – Give Me Some Sunshine, Give Me Some Rain, Give Me Another Chance, I wanna grow up once again, and of course to Shaan and Shantanu to have given us – Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh. Every time the lines – Yaar Humara Tha Wo- appears, I get reminded of the many friends I have lost contact with, with whom I have spent a whole lotta sleepless nights, drinking, watching horrible B-grade movies, playing Need For Speed or Unreal Tournament, or bunking classes and tormenting juniors to write our assignments. 3 idiots succeded in bringing back all those memories in just a matter of a couple of minutes. And for that reason alone, I declare it as Bloody Brilliant!!

And to conclude, I dedicate this post, to my lovely mates from college. A picture to share – captured on the day of my last exam of final semester. No points for guessing that guy in the middle. And for the record – no matter what – Mechs Rock!!!!

Time for some insanity connecting two absolutely different characters. This edition of Separated At Birth is to do with two extremely transformed characters with some mindblowing make-up work. There were no second thoughts when I saw Mr. Amitabh Bachchan’s avatar in the new to-be-released R.Balki film – Paa. So, in the Red Corner, we have Mr. Amitabh Bachchan in heavy make-up to look like a 13-year-old boy with a rare genetic defect that accelerates ageing. The make-up is certainly ground breaking stuff in Bollywood, and has been done by Oscar-nominated makeup specialist Christien Tinsley and Dominie Till. [ courtesy: NDTV ]

And in the Blue Corner is ROFL..mindblowing comic artiste – Catherine Tate as Uncle Derek. Uncle Derek’s character is of a middle aged gay guy, who lives with his mother and partner. But he would not admit to being gay. There are a series of sketches on Derek and it is extremely hilarious.

After the Jump, how Catherine Tate actually looks like, and a few embeds of Uncle Derek sketches.

So, Catherine Tate actually looks like this:

ROFL. Just Kidding. That’s another character on the Catherine Tate show called Nan. You have to see it to believe it.

Here’s how she looks like in reality.

And to end, I’d introduce you to some awesome videos of Uncle Derek.

And that’s Lauren, a troublesome school going girl. Her fav dialogue: Am I bovvered? Watch the video below.

And finally, my favourite – Nan

You got to watch the video below. Let me warn you though, the language is colourful.

I am writing this by stealing some hours of work. Sandwiched between deadlines to meet, this post just cannot wait to get out of me. Yes, I loved Kaminey – to the core. I don’t know if its brilliant, but it does come close, very close. Here’s the thing. I am a Manipuri, born in Assam. Most of my friends are Bengali. And then I went to work in Pune. So, I am quite fluent in Bengali, and I know enough Marathi to ask my maid to cook Daal with Bengan ka Bharta. And I love listening to street Bengali – the kind that you get to hear at Siliguri or Bordhoman, or may be Howrah – stuff like – Budho boyoshe Phaazlaami [ Translation: You're getting senile as you get older ]. And when I get all of this together under one roof, surrounded by a skimmed, sugar-free script with unforgettable characters , I smile in utter satisfaction. Yes, Kaminey is THAT good.

Without giving much away, Kaminey’s plot revolves around twin brothers – Charlie and Guddu [Shahid] who have nothing else in common, except their face. One is a wannabe bookie, a lisp, and sees hallucinating images of his own bookie counter. The other is a self-righteous, stammering NGO worker, spreading AIDS awareness. Guddu falls in love with Sweety [Priyanka] who is the younger sister of a gangster turned wannabe politician, Bhope Bhau. Enter other characters in this weird jigsaw – Tashi, Inspector Lele, Mikhail, The Bengali Brothers; and yes, the pieces fit together in a magnificient climax. Let’s not talk about that just yet. Its life, destiny -whateva, that makes all of them come face to face with each other, and in this comedy of errors, horrors and gun-bam bams, the plot is revealed – of why Charlie is what he is.

Vishal Bharadwaj’s writing is excellent. The Bengalis speak in Bengali – and not just some tailored line, awfully pronounced . It is non-compromised street stuff without the F-bomb [ or in Bengali the Ch-bomb]. And so is the case with Marathi. And the characterisation of each actor has been very well defined. The last time I remembered all of the supporting character names was I guess – Mr.India – Daaga, Teja, Calendar etc [ Of course, we know of Sholay, but that is quite obvious, and it was released before Mr.India]. The screenplay is non-linear, but the events unveil the layers in the fashion they should. And thank God, for not spoon-feeding us with the details, and trusting us with our brain.

The delectable ensemble created the much required onscreen magic.Bhope bhau is protrayed as the vada paav eating, Jai Maharashtra chanting, ever-threatening-with-a-smile ex-gangsta, now a politican, who is never OTT [ you know the kind who drop metaphors after metaphors, the stuff that Bolly often can't resist resorting to].Mikhail is a coke-addict who knows the business through and through and gets a high thinking of Copacabana trance.The Bengalis are maniacs who know their snipers and love First Person Shooters. And Tashi, Lele, Lobo and the African brothers are just brilliantly used in the plot, and do not seem like some characters staright out of a comic strip.

The pop-culture references are a delight to spot. Much like the movie itself is playing a trivia quiz with its audience. Let’s see.
1.’Apna Haath Jagannath’ on the door of Guddu’s Chawl’s Loo.
2.Do Lafzo Ki Hai playing in the room of Franfiff
3.Duniya Mein..Logo Ko..[ Was it a sweet tribute to Panchamda?]
4.Spiderman…Fpiderman
5. The horse chasing – I donno why it reminds me of Zanjeer
6. Maharashtra vs. UP as an Election agenda [ Yes, that IS a pop-culture]
..I’ll update this list when I watch it on DVD.

The whole world of Kaminey created in front of my eyes, spell magic. And yet it doesn’t seem anything different or unreal. Mumbai drenched in rain, Chawls, crowded Local trains and dark alleys in the night – all have been recreated to perfection. Excellent cinematography, and brownie points to unchoreographed fights, dances.

I know this is a brilliant movie for Shahid and Priyanka. And they definitely did not disappoint. Guddu and Charlie are poles apart – in personal beliefs and motives. And Sweety is the fearless tigress of sorts. Yes, Priyanka outdoes any of her previous works with this one. But Bhope Bhau steals the show for me. He knows how to have fun with the Ghoda in his hand. He giggles in an infectious way, and every line he speaks, comes across as a line from a certain Bhope Bhau that you’d expect having massive hoardings on the Chowk, wearing a white kurta and a fanatic supporter of the Mee-Marathi campaign. His cunningness is reflected in ways like he refers to getting his sister married to a builder’s son, just to raise election funds, and even bribe his nephew to keep him silent. And in such small details is what this movie made me tickle. Right before the climax, when Sweety starts blank-firing, Bhope guesses if his nephew has told Sweety, and he looks at the balcony to find the little boy to be munching a chocolate. No words spoken, but the message is conveyed. Bravo Vishal.

Lastly, Gulzar’s lyrics and Vishal’s music glides on this thrilling joy-ride. The lyrics are extra-ordinary, and someday I will do a music review of this. But for now, let me just not stop dancing to Dhan Te Nan. WARNING: Watching Dhan Te Nan might cause you a rare infection called – Shakemybootiosis. Sukhwinder’s vocals are piercing, and the picturisation of that song could not have been more apt. Not only does it serve as a major point in the movie, but it also appears at major junctions of the movie.

Yes, the climax was very Lock-Stock-ish when all characters collide, and there is wham bam. But even during the climax, as the bodies pile-up, the characters refuse to fade away. Not at least from my mind. Kaminey is a must watch of this year, and it is my favorite to sweep all the awards – or should it be Dev D. Now I’m pretty damn confused.

If someone is a huge F.R.I.E.N.D.S fanatic like me,Vatsal or Abhishek (well, I know there are exactly a billion of this species), the name ‘Apartment Bet’ would certainly ring a bell. Yes, it is the episode where Phoebe gets the eggs implanted in her uterus, and Joey knows Monica too well (old lady underpants, remember!). For the rest who are not as blessed, we are talking about Season 4-Episode 12: The One With The Embryos. And this post is totally dedicated to my F.R.I.E.N.D.S fanatic duo -Vatsal and Abhishek, and also the newly wed-Mohit and Asha. CONGRATULATIONS my darlings (I sound like Feroz Khan now..hehe).

To set the scene..

Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and It’s All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.)

Mere Ande … Mere Akhrot

Nikhil Advani, during his childhood days was very good in essay writing. Not that good with making sense of them though. Very often, his Hindi teacher used to scold him on his “Nibandh Lekhan” trying to limit them into the less than 10,000 word limit, but little Nikhil used to go on and on with his “Charitra Chitran” and ” Bhaavna Vishleshan”. Little Nikhil has grown up now. But he still finds it hard to sticking it to the word limit. Neither has he given up the “not making sense” habit. Chandni Chowk to China (CC2C) was a brilliant dissertation topic for Little Nikhil to use it for his ‘graduation’. He had the right professors – Warner Bros. and Ramesh Sippy, and the perfect material. But naughty Nikhil, rather than preparing the script, and chawking out the correct plan, had too much cheap Chinese wine to drink, went to a cheap motel and God knows what he did there. He woke up and started writing the dissertation (a metaphor for directing this movie…just for the benefit of the doubt). The result as we say- is CC2C. The only good thing that he gets in his feedback form is appreciation for the inclusion of Dada- Mithun Dada, and the continuous reference to the son of Bappida- Bappa. \m/

First things first, please…no Kungfu Hustle comparisons. That movie was completely Stephen Chow. This is Sadda Bollywood. So we will have all the rights in the world to have Bulletproof umbrellas, acidic lipsticks and the only Chinese connection that we will ever show is the Great Wall. We shall have the clash of the two titans – No, not Gordon Liu (yeah I do watch 36 chambers every other month, even then.. ), but Akshay Kumar and Mithun Da sharing the same screenspace. We shall have twin heroines in pure Seeta aur Geeta style ( another Sippy production). We shall have the protagonist Siddhu as the ‘gaanv ka chhora’, brought up on the streets of Chandni Chowk and who still has a ‘Choti’ (not small, but as in Mohan Choti), chops veggies and speaks like Namak Halal’s Arjun Singh vald Bheem Singh vald Dasarath Singh (not a Sippy production). In fact, we shall make the trailer as interesting as possible, so that we make the best grosser in the first week itself before the word is out. And we would make you think that Sidhhu could well say something on the lines of … 

“I know such English Chinese that I will leave the Chinese behind. You see sir, I can talk English Chinese, I can walk English Chinese, I can laugh English Chinese, I can run English Chinese, because English Chinese is such a funny language. Bhairo becomes Baron Bei-Rong and Bei-Rong becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow “

But instead he says “Ye log Sindhi main Baat kyu kar rahe hai…Dado Hojo Dado Hojo”. ( I seriously think that I can land up a job as a personal advisor to Warner Bros., Sippy productions with all these awesome ideas flowing in my head right now..anywho) So, where was I? Yes, this is a Bollywood kung-fu production of the crappiest kind. Easier said then done! If you thought Slumdog Millionaire was a story of victory, think again. This is the story of a Chandni Chowk guy kicking serious buttocks of a guy who has done Shaolin kung-fu all his life (I think). This villain wears a boomerang hat which has serious sharp edges..not shitting. I donno how old is he, but he’s at least older than that statue of Liu Shengh. And what makes our hero stand out? He refers to his testicles by two nicknames – Ande (eggs) and Akhrot (Walnut). He even disrespects his Shifu (Chinese for Teacher, much like Sensei in Japanese …yeah yeah, I’m just showing off my language skills) who also is his future father-in-law. Even whilst his training, when he should rather be focussed about taking revenge, he gets more and more pissed off watching Shifu and Sakhi (which reminds me of Rakhi in Bemisaal, brilliant movie btw) eating yummy Chinese cuisine with Roti. Mr. Sidhhu can’t hold his emotions and yells out..” Rotiii????? Teen Hafta ho gaya ..Meri Gotiya Mooh main Aa Gayee hai…” ( a subtle English translation to that would be ..Bread??? It’s been three weeks and my ‘Jewels’ have come in my mouth ). He doesn’t stop there. He insults his sasurjee by saying “Agar Tu Sakhi ka Baap nahi Hota naa..to Main Ye Bamboo tere pichwade main Pel deta”..Yes he did say that, honest. (hmm…subtitles: If you weren’t Sakhi’s dad, I would have stuck this bamboo up your posterior).

So, you see, this movie has it all. Revenge plot, Great Wall, weird and absurd ‘slumdog’ hero and twin heroines (awesome chance of getting threes@##.. ahem). And yes, we have Kailash Kher taking a long aalaap in the background every time Sidhu gets emotional. And when Sidhu starts to fight, the aalap gets converted into a “Specially mixed in London Studios Underground House Mix”. So the question is-do we have anyone here who saves the day…err the movie?

Deepika…as Sakhi and the Michelle Pfeiffer Halle Berry inspired Catwoman Meow Meow…NOPE.
Oh yes, the Miss TSM thing was quite intelligent though. The only mentionably funny scene was the one when Akshay was made to dance to Aaja Aaja… Aao Twist Kare..Vinod Rathod singing Dholi Taro…and a very unjustified portrayal of ‘I am a Disco Dancer’, followed by Dardi Rab Rab, Aika Dajiba, Parda Hai Parda, Salaam-e-Ishq, It’s the time to disco and finally Tumse Milke.
Gordon Liu..c’mon the man is Shaolin personified..but still, NOPE.
Ranvir Shorey as Chopstick..meh! Next?
Akshay Kumar..yes a bit..actually his Akhrot and Ande jokes.
The S.I.D.H.U. song? Pass…so who’s left? Yes, we are arriving at that.

MITHUN DA. This movie would sell to full houses in Japan and Russia just because of him. And that is a fact. The echo effect that has been accompanied in Mithun Da’s speech truly justifies his greatness. And he is in fact, the true Liu Shengh. See his gravity defying kicks, and combine that with “Aeeee Saalaa…” clubbed with a very Desi Bihari accent-ba. I don’t need no more. According to me, he gets the Golden Globe Akhrot.

P.S. Just a few final thoughts. Salaam-E-Ishq, the other movie by Nikhil Advani is shown as one of the in-flight movies when Sidhu flies to China. These movies are meant for Cheap video coaches from Pune to Bombay, not for in flight ‘entertainment’. Else please reconsider flying by Jet Airways. Yeah, that’s it. Rating???? Are you kidding?

Ok here’s the difference. Immad is “impotent“(well, in his speech,ie). Yes,I have not recovered from the trauma of Dil,Dosti excreta..!!!!And Mr.Naseeruddin Shah, his father, kicks serious ass. Coming back to the movie “review” or whatever, Monsoon Wedding goes down in my list as one of my hot favs. Absolutely no second thoughts. I have seen Mira Nair’s other works such as Namesake, KamaSutra(for obvious reasons), and Salaam Bombay.

While Salaam Bombay remains a huge milestone in Indian cinema, it doesn’t leave me as moved (read Jubilant,infectiously Celebrating,exuberant and Joyous,all in the same breath).It is difficult to write something limited of a movie that spans across all cultures,and brings together all cliche’s attached to “Indian” cinema as seen by the firangs(u know ,the colors, the music and the singing routine) in a very respectable way, and simultaneously deals with intense elements of child abuse, pre arranged marital infidelity,growing old and (non)settled NRI housewives and their puttars and betis with the tag of confusion of being an ABCD…or a Muscat born whatever…phew!!!

And then you have the Event manager-wedding producer of Old Delhi and his love ,the maid who knows what an email ID is and has a name taken from the pages of Lewis Carol. Whoa! Monsoon Wedding , or Matrimonia Indiano( as it is known in Italy),has it ALL. And I love them all, from the minutest of the details that Ms Nair has put together with a brilliant ensemble cast that comprises of someone as versatile as Lilette Dubey as Mrs.Pimmi Verma,cigarette smoking-hair-curling-nervous mother of the bride, Shefali Chaya as the unmarried elder cousin Ria Verma,Parvin Dabas as the IIT alumni-Softie Export settled in Houston,Vasundhara in one of her most major roles as D-Bride (wont say a word more about here,c’mon she has already faced so much)and (in his debut)Randeep Hooda as the Muscat raised guy who dreams of Hot Indian girls.

2. “Tej bhaisaab” became synonymous to being a pedophile, so much that we still laugh at a friend who is called Tej.Well, we treat him with some respect you see. Brilliant Job Mr.Rajat Kapoor.

3. The obtuse-angled auntie/dadee-jee in white sari grooving to Chunari Chunari. Now that’s called Freaking out Bay-Beh!!!

4.Shefali Chaya,what an actress yaar!The family group photo scene when she is supposed to smile while she sits below Tej Bhaisaab.That’s something Brilliant.

4. Naseeruddin Shah is the greatest actor of Indian cinema.Give him the Oscar,the Golden Globes, the Golden Lion, the Golden Unicorn, damn it!!

The drenched city of Delhi also somehow blends so smoothly into the color of the movie or rather adds to the glory of it. The hustle and bustle of Chandni Chowk’s Saari Bazaar, to the rickshaws and CP, to huge painted posters of Hindi Movies have been captured brilliantly. Not only does Ms Nair show this part of Delhi, but she also narrates through her characters,how globalisation has transformed us.Elements like becoming cellphone addicts,fast food, sexual freedom and all the other manifestations of the new global American culture ,Cosmopolitan mags, tattoos and well democratic chat shows like”Delhi.com”

***BING***BING***BING***ALERT
Delhi.com is one of the other points to be noted which I forgot to mention, for obvious reasons-The top dubbist Shivanita Lakhia..Bade Ladke..ROTFL

Rarely do we find a movie that brings all the chaos and components which are so cluttered, yet tied to a very sensitive string called family. I wish the KOFFEE guy could understand that family movies are not made with chiffon saris and song sequences in London or Switzerland or mansions hanging crystal chandeliers.

Most importantly, Monsoon Wedding infuses in me a feeling of TRIUMPH and well an infectious urge to dance, of course thanks to Sukhwinder Singh forKawa Kawa, Anu Malik (singers Abhijit and Anuradha Sriram) for the hot hot number Chunari Chunari, and well Hans Raj pajee and Bally Sagoo forAaja Nachle. Simply LIBERATING!!!!

Naseeruddin Shah is the BEST! Likhwa Lo. I mean, maine Likh Diya.And Hollywood,please don’t consider him for movies where he has to play a bloody bearded thick-accented Maharaja called Captain Nemo. Bollywood tum khush raho!

Sweded!

If you love the movies, you better watch Be Kind Rewind.I am completely swept, Sweded and absolutely blown away. And if I may say, this is what movies should be in the first place. Let’s leave the reviewing part for a while, and take this moment to praise the creative genius that Mr. Michel Gondry is. He has given us one of the most heart wrenching romantic movies of all time (Eternal Sunshine..) and here, he has set out to do a light hearted movie, casted Jack Black and Mos Def in the lead, which even has an uncanny premise to it. Almost silly you might presume. But what happens next is best described as Brilliant with a capital B. And I really don’t care what the ratings are, what the critics say. In a year where the movies are divided into two segments chronologically- Summer Blockbusters and Thanksgiving season, there comes a movie which retells the tale and brings the moral upfront- that movies were all about the heart more than the moolah. And mind you, it IS inspirational in ways more than a million.The plot is pretty much present in a lot of websites already, and so wouldn’t at all qualify as a spoiler if I mention it here. Neither would it matter, because you really HAVE to watch this one to get what I say. Now listen carefully James!

Elroy Fletcher runs a video store which faces a demolition notice. In hope to get back in business he sets out to spy on the business of DVD rental chains while he leaves the store under the supervision of Mike (Mos Def). In a power plant mishap, Mike’s friend Jerry (Jack Black) gets magnetised (don’t think it’s silly, it IS SILLY, but yeah what the heck). He leaves all the VHS tapes in the store blank, and when the store’s (which is named Be Kind Rewind) most loyal customer-Miss Falewicz (Mia Farrow) asks for a tape of Ghostbusters, to ensure that she doesn’t complain to Fletcher, Mike and Jerry decide on making a version of Ghostbusters of their own. And so the journey begins. Yeah I know, the initial 30 minutes are a bit mediocre, so you really need to sit through it please, because it has all been built up for the moments you are going to experience next.

Ghostbusters -Sweded, here we come. What’s next? Mike says: I’m Bill Murray, you’re everybody else. Haha!! Ghostbusters version Sweded features hanging books, silver foils, the perfect location of a library, and even a soundtrack

Walking down the street
You see a little Ghost
What you’re gonna do about Ghostbusters

And with help from fellow assistant mechanic, smart photocopies, and final minute dubbing, Ghostbusters is ready in the Bootleg Sweded version. What Jerry n Mike did not know was that they were about to begin their journey of film making and explore/swede movies on demand of their local neighbourhood. YAYYYYY!!! And next level: Jerry refuses to kiss Wilson (required in an intimate scene of Rush Hour 2 sweded) and hence they start hunting for a female lead who is equally creative in all aspects and even has the negotiating powers of a movie producer. And once Jerry gets demagentised, they all need to get back to making some more movies. The list contains 2001:A Space Odyssey, Robocop, Men in Black and on and on and on. The only little complaint here is that the sweding procedure is being skimmed through. I would have loved to watch some more of it. Especially for King Kong and LOTR (both done by Peter Jackson, coincidence). The MIB stuff was really smart and you have to see it to believe. Well, I have included it in the screenshots below. And yes we know that Rush Hour has become a franchise now in a way, but it is not an integral part of our pop culture. Not enough to be sweded at least! I did like the Chinese Bamboo strong enough parody. LOL.

Fletcher returns to find that his video store has become the hub of a community video production which is doing way better business than it ever did. But he still faces a demolition deadline. They have to reach a target revenue of 60,000 USD ,and how do they do it? Make some more movies, fast and short. So they involve the local community to be a part of it. But then copyright infringement and IPR enforcement officials pay a visit and it is payback time. Fletcher has lost everything. His store faces demolition, the sweded movies are run over by a bulldozer as Mike and Jerry watch and they even face a lawsuit. But Jerry doesn’t give up , and they decide to make an original one. One of their own local hero – Jazz pianist Fast Waller. And this is where the movie moves from being just fun to a Big Tribute – to Filmmaking at its crude and unpolished best. Seven Days to shoot a biopic. And the process just narrates the cool factor of making movies, of creating stories that speak, and making people a part of the entire process in many ways.Not so surprisingly, I was instantly reminded of the school plays I had been involved with, mostly in the script part. It inspires and educates you about the passion, dedication and love required to understand this art form and that it is ART to make movies, perhaps way more than an oil paint, and that moving pictures tell better stories and they can make you laugh, cry, smile and experience and express jubilance even when life is tough. That is why movies still exist in a world where we have numerous options of escapism. That is why we Love Movies.

The climax is a bit incomplete because we do not get to know what happens of Be Kind Rewind. But then it would be silly to have a fairy tale happy ending, and hence better kept open. And when movies move me, I can’t help clapping, and even giving a very desi-seetee (whistle blow). This movie deserved three of it!! Just forget all the logic if magnetism can be drained away in pee. Forget Sigourney Weaver.Have a look at JB.Jack Black does what he does best, and minus the irritating overdose of fart jokes (which I love except when it is just way too much ). He reminds me of his other ‘really good’ movie- High Fidelity. This is the High Fidelity of VHS. LOL. Mos Def is just so much fun to watch. But the winning vote goes to Mr.Gondry for giving us a winner which not only entertains us through and through, but even somehow made me rework on my budget to buy a handycam. Youtube here I come!! Till the time I replace Spielberg and Tarantino you enjoy the screenshots.

Screenshots Here.

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