Apparently, Bollywood came to a stand still when Riteish D and Genelia D (RD n GD) got married in an elaborate wedding ceremony, which spanned across many days, and venues, and some more. Almost the entire Bollywood, from all corners, clans and camps, landed up at each of the 157 ceremonies. And thanks to TheDailyHoney, we got to know that Jeetu jee was just around the corner, doing his morning jog. And Asin looked absolutely stunning in her traditional sari. But since I am as twisted and weird, I thought it’d be wicked to remix these celebs piccies, with my twisted celeb thoughts. Thanks to DailyHoney’s mammoth post on the RD/GD wedding reception, and for letting me use the images. So, here it goes.

Beware, image heavy post, and the language ranges from naughty to downright uncensored. And the celebs seem to have a weird obsession with “Kheer!”.

As always, this is a fictional post, and has got nothing to do with the “actual” thoughts of these celebs. I am no Professor X, but we live in a world of such dumbos, so I had to clear this up. Also, please do not sue me, or send me hate mails. It’s all in good spirit, and for laughs yaar. C’mon, it’s Monday!

And so, at the grand wedding reception, the guest started to show up. First up, were Jacqueline Fernandez and Sajid Khan (fresh from building the #Slapgate bridge of love), and Saif was at his geeky best. And seems like Bebo did learn a thing or two about being a Trekker.

Next to enter were Himmesss bhai and Imran Khan
(in his Chambal Ghaati avatar)

Speaking of Chachu, as soon as Aamir saw Saif, he was like totally back to his DCH days. Whilst, Saifuu, being in an overdrive of Agent Vinod promotional tour, had lost his mind.

This was all interrupted by air-hostess  Zarine Khan. Whilst guests Atul Agnihotri and Chetan Bhagat were completely lost in their own world.

Bappi da’s bling received the transmission from Atul Agnihotri’s kheer thoughts.. and while Satish Kaushik was inquisitive, Ismail saab seemed very emphatic about his Kheer cravings.

Even Chunky and Gulshan were concerned as well about the Kheer. RD and GD started getting worried!! Look!

Aaah, that Fardeen! More guests kept showing up, and surprisingly, they weren’t so keen on the Kheer. Probably, because they looked dead as Kangna, or Hyper-Excited like Mimoh.

Whilst, others were busy competing for the Best Sari title

Meanwhile in the BORED corner..

And finally the Bachchans arrived.

[ Aishwarya's comment refers to this legendary article that puts all tabloids to shame]

But the show stopping moment was when these show stoppers arrived in their show-stopping outfit.

[Images courtesy: TheDailyHoney]

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And another one bites the dust. The penultimate awards show of the year (until IIFA wakes up, sometime in June-July), and the biggest of B-Town, Filmfare awards, were handed out tonight at the Yashraj Studios. Earlier, we had discussed the nominations, and made some predictions as well. And here’s the list of winners from tonight, and also my mini-take on each one of them.

The Filmfare Awards 2012 Winners

_______________________________________________________

BEST FILM -  Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Really, was this the best of 2011? REALLY! Here are my choices btw]

BEST ACTOR MALE - Ranbir Kapoor, Rockstar [Mubaarakaa..again]

BEST ACTOR FEMALE  – Vidya Balan, The Dirty Picture [Very deservingly so]

BEST DIRECTOR  - Zoya Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [ Fine, whatever. Congratulations!! You see, I have a problem with ZNMD. More on it here]

BEST DIALOGUE – Farhan Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Mantally challenging dialogue - Mushi Mushi! ]

BEST SCREENPLAY – Akshat Verma, Delhi Belly [Seriously, what the effing eff !!! Here are my thoughts on Delhi Belly ]

BEST STORY – Sanjay Chauhan, I Am Kalam 

BEST ACTOR MALE (CRITICS) - Ranbir Kapoor, Rockstar [Mubaarakaa]

BEST FILM (CRITICS) - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [BRB, busy LOL-ing]

BEST ACTOR FEMALE (CRITICS) – Priyanka Chopra, 7 Khoon Maaf [Shukriya for coming. And while you are here, why don't you take home this award]

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR MALE - Farhan Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Mantal Bwoy beats Kabiraa, Mandook, and Superstar Suryakanth. How typically Filmfare! I have got a Kolveri di right now. ]

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR FEMALE – Rani Mukherjee, No One Killed Jessica [Welcome back Rani. And congrats on the award for having uttered the word Gaand!]

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD – Aruna Irani [LOL. I don't mean any disrespect, but this could only be because they wanted to play Chadhtee Jawani on the show]

SCENE OF THE YEAR – The Dirty Picture [I bet the pichkaari scene was shown in the AV]

RD BURMAN AWARD  - Krsna, Tanu Weds Manu [Finally a Rang for the Rangrez]

BEST MUSIC – AR Rahman, Rockstar [Here's one more feather in your overcrowded cap]

BEST PLAYBACK SINGER FEMALE – Usha Uthup & Rekha Bhardwaj, Darling, 7 Khoon Maaf [I am very happy for Usha Uthup]

BEST LYRICS – Irshad Kamil, Nadaan Parindey, Rockstar [Yes, yes, yes]

BEST PLAYBACK SINGER MALE – Mohit Chauhan, Jo Bhi Main, Rockstar [Man of the moment]

BEST DEBUT DIRECTOR – Abhinay Deo, Delhi Belly [Preposterous!! ]

BEST DEBUT MALE – Vidyut Jhamwal, Force [Muscles impresses Filmfare. Who else was nominated? No love for Liquid? ]

BEST DEBUT FEMALE – Parineeti Chopra, Ladies vs Ricky Bahl [Predictable!]

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY – Bosco-Caesar, Senorita, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [I am worried about this trend. Seriously, did no one see Chammak Challo?]

BEST VFX – Red Chillies, Ra.One [Deserving!]

BEST BACKGROUND SCORE – Ranjit Barot, Shaitan [Deserving as well]

BEST ACTION – Don 2 [Y U NO give Shaitan the best action award? ]

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY – Carlos Catalan, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara 

BEST SOUND DESIGN - Nakul Kamte, Don 2 

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN – Shashank Tere, Delhi Belly

BEST EDITING – Huzefa Lokhandwala, Delhi Belly

BEST COSTUME - Niharika Khan, The Dirty Picture

Quite shameful of Filmfare to have given absolutely no award to the finest movies of the year – Shor In The City and Dhobi Ghat. After all, it is all about loving your parents, family, and your relatives. There is a reason, why B-Town award shows are also known as Khan-Daan awards. Until the IIFA’s, keep watching this space. I will know if you don’t. Nope,..don’t even try to.

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And then, there was yet another B-town award. This time around, it was the Producers Guild awards – a.k.a Apsara Awards. And apparently, Zoya Akhtar’s Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was the year’s best movie, according to the producers. There are some pleasant surprises, and a lot of facepalm worthy awards. Hit the jump for the complete list of winners, and my mini-take on them.

BEST LYRICS – Irshad Kamil, Naadaan Parindey, Rockstar [Well deserved. Apsara got it right]

BEST MUSIC – AR Rahman, Rockstar [Need I say anything here?]

BEST SINGER MALE – Mohit Chauhan, Saada Haq, Rockstar [Unstoppable]

BEST SINGER FEMALE – Shreya Ghoshal, Teri Meri, Bodyguard [Right choice, wrong song]

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A COMIC ROLE - Deepak Dobriyal, Tanu Weds Manu [Awesome surprise, but at the cost of Pitobash. Hang on, he wasn't nominated. WTF!!!]

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A NEGATIVE ROLE – Prakash Raj, Singham [Screams "This is Goaaaaaaa"!]

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE - Farhan Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Mantal choice]

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE – Parineeti Chopra, Ladies vs Ricky Bahl [Yea right. No Swara Bhaskar boo!]

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE – Ranbir Kapoor, Rockstar [Yet another one in the bag]

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE – Vidya Balan, The Dirty Picture [And for her too]

BEST DIRECTOR – Zoya Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Imma let you finish Zoya, this was an OK movie, but really Milan Luthria is the best director of 2012.]

BEST FILM – Ritesh Sidhwani & Farhan Akhtar, Zindagi Ne Milegi Dobara [Give me a roundhouse facepalm everyone]

BEST SCREENPLAY - Reema Kagti & Zoya Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Can we just call this a ZNMD awards show?]

BEST STORY – Reema Kagti & Zoya Akhtar, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Hehehe, best story..or best tour catelogue]

BEST DIALOGUE – Rajat Arora, The Dirty Picture [Sigh! For all those Emraan Hashmi metaphors]

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY – Bosco Caesar, Senorita, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara [Again, boo for no Chammak Challo love]

BEST DEBUTE FEMALE – Parineeti Chopra, Ladies vs Ricky Bahl [Yea, ok she was good for a debutante]

BEST DEBUT MALE – Rana Daggubatti, Dum Maaro Dum [Rana who? That Te Amo dude who disappeared after Bips called dibs on drugs. Evs! ]

MOST POPULAR SONG – Chammak Challo, Ra.One [Yes, Yes, Yes!]

PRESIDENT GUILD HONOUR – Amitabh Bachchan, Kaun Banega Crorepati [Ermm, ok. At least they are not giving it to him for Aarakshan ]

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR MALE - Shahrukh Khan [Not Salmaan, who gave the year's biggest hits - Ready and Bodyguard, but SRK - who gave the biggest dud of the year - Ra.One]

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR FEMALE – Priyanka Chopra [Whaa... Ainveyi! ]

TECHNICAL AWARDS:

BEST EDITING – Aarti Bajaj, No One Killed Jessica 

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY – Ranjan Palit, 7 Khoon Maaf & Chirantan Das, Tanu Wds Manu

BEST ART DIRECTION – Subrata Chakraborty & Punita Grover, 7 Khoon Maaf

BEST SOUND DESIGN – Resul Pookutty & Amrit Pritam Dutta, Ra.One

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS – Red Chillies VFX, Ra.One

BEST COSTUME DESIGN – Payal Saluja, 7 Khoon Maaf

BEST SOUND MIXING – Anup Dev & Tarun Bhandari, Ra.One

And that’s the whole list of winners. What did you think of the winners? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. The awards show airs on Colors on the 11th of March. Yep. Probably it does need a lot of post production work to be done. And that is the beauty of B-Town award shows.

P.S. The Official Apsara Awards website has not been updated for more than 2 years.

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Is there a good reason to make a remake, other than making a quick buck over a pre-existing idea? I guess that debate has been all discarded, since all that we have been chewing on in Bollywood, Kollywood, Tollywood are remakes, inspirations and redone guano of some kind. We have had Tolly remakes of Bolly hits, and vice versa. I don’t need to cite any examples; a quick look at the Bolly releases of the year will suffice. The latest to enter this list, is the remake of the Telugu blockbuster – Magadheera. Ranveer Singh is helmed to play the lead role, and Anurag Kashyap’s production company Phantom will be producing it. Now, you all who follow this blog, know of my love and intense affection for this film. And hence, I have a big problem with it being tinkered with. Read on to find out my..

5 Reasons Why I Don’t Want a Magadheera Remake

1. The Music:

Being a project in it’s initial stages, it is quite unclear whether it’ll be using a new soundtrack, or re-using the existing one. And in this case, both could backfire. Magadheera‘s soundtrack is unique in every sense, with M.M.Keeravani’s mix of epic royal sounds in Dheera Dheera, as well as downright desi beats in Jorsey, leaves very little scope for it to be transformed to fit into Hindi lyrics. (Look what they did to Aaromale). And we haven’t talked about Panchadara Bomma. And if they are having a new soundtrack altogether, I guess, the pressure is on!

2. Bangaru Kodipetta

And reason 1 brings me to this. Bangaru Kodipetta is a cheesy ol’ tribute to the tour de force of Superstar Chiranjeevi anna. A smart fusion of Baap-Beta doing a dance routine together on a remixed version of Baap’s 90′s hit was one of the high points of the movie (the movie had many high points, and that’s how they make a blockbuster). That and Mumaith’s Medusa sonic boob explosivo move (refer GIF above). With Ranveer Singh taking the lead role, the only person I can think of joining him in a Hindi Bangaru Kodipetta-esque remix is Anil Kapoor on – Ladki Hai Kya Re Baaabaaa!!! Now, think of the consequences if this shit got real!

3. Anurag Kashyap vs the Cheese

Anurag Kashyap is a prolific director. He is brilliant in every single way. His filmography speaks for itself. But it definitely does not speak the language of cheese. And Magadheera is well known for not taking itself too seriously. Right from the downright evil villain Billa, to the ever submissive Kajal Agarwal as Mithravinda. And even the reincarnated friend Sulaiman/ Sher Khan. This is a love story spanning two births, and the new age one involves horse riding, falling from helicopters, a dramatic entry at intermission, and loads of cheesy romance. Can Kashyap’s Phantom production handle this? I have some serious doubts.

4. Ranveer Singh vs Ram Teja

And speaking of more cheese, the lead figure who will be in charge of delivering the cheesy lines, is going to be Mr Bittu aka Bread Pakorha – Ranveer Singh. We haven’t seen much of him yet, apart from the two Yashraj films, which could be a boon, as he has more areas left to explore. But as an unexplored territory, I feel apprehensive about a Bollywood actor handling the same amount of silly banter, epic anger and poker face sword slashing in the same movie.

5. Do not mess with perfection

This argument sort of stems from my opinion about remakes. If you did not think of it in the first place, there must’ve been a reason. And some original pieces should just remain undisturbed. Magadheera, remains a perfect piece that embraces all flaws and eccentricities under it’s awesome umbrella. [Read my mental rant] There are flipping jeeps cannonballed onto a helicopter. There is an epic face-to-face combat with 1 vs 100. And a villain who javelins through his servant’s hearts. The lead jodi have a very strong conductive property which ignites a flashback. Yes, it does look preposterous on paper, but Magadheera does it so well, like no other. And hence, the only reason I’d be compelled to watch the remake is to quench my curiosity of how bad did they fuck it up! Look at what happened to Veer. Hollywood is remaking Oldboy. And Bollywood wants to remake Magadheera. It must be 2012 indeed!

So, the Screen awards for 2012 got handed out in an elaborate awards function show last night. We’ll get to see more of it in a few weeks, when the heavily edited, and appropriately placed emoticons of Priyanka Chopra smiling at Shahid Kapoor’s jokes will be one of the highlights of the show. Because, if we talk about the awards, the final winners list looks more like a token give-away to anyone who attended the show. And just in case the blogosphere doesn’t explode with opposing comments over SRK winning an award in a year where he’s mostly done more publicity work than Times Square billboards, Screen has quite conveniently created new categories to make everyone a very happy family. Welcome to the Bollywood awards season – the season of egalitarian policy and where acting doesn’t matter.

Earlier in the month, we made some predictions. And by the looks of it, Screen actually managed to pull off a “ha-ha, gotcha! In your face everyone”. Hit the jump, as we review the winners, and also review our predictions vs. the final list of winners.

THE 18th SCREEN AWARDS 2012 – WINNERS

TECHNICAL AWARDS:

Costume: The Dirty Picture  / OKS: Ra.One
Verdict: Fair-dos

Action: Ra.One / OKS: Ra.One
Verdict: Told-ya

Choreography: Bosco Caeser – Senorita, ZNMD / OKS: Chammak Challo – Ra.One
Verdict: Meh! Senorita looked more like impromptu stuff. I don’t see anyone doing Abhay’s moves. Chammak Challo is still my winner.

Cinematography: R Madhi – Shaitan / OKS: ZNMD
Verdict: Fair-dos

Dialogue: ZNMD / The Dirty Picture / OKS: Tanu Weds Manu
Verdict: WTF!!! TDP for it’s mega boom-bastic Emraan Hashmi metaphors, dropped at 1000 per minute. And what is with the two winners. Ooh, there’s more!

Story: Delhi Belly / OKS: Stanley Ka Dabba
Verdict: WTF!!! I don’t get it how a crime caper comedy is the best story we’ve heard in 2011.

MUSIC AWARDS:

Lyrics: Prashoon Joshi – Aarakshan / OKS: Irshaad Kamil – Rockstar
Verdict: Complete WTF!!! I think the closest comparison would be to give SRK the best actor for English Babu Desi Mem. Wait, did he win anything for that?

Music: A.R.Rahman – Rockstar / OKS: A.R.Rahman – Rockstar
Verdict: Told ya! This was unstoppable.

Background Score: Ranjit Barot – Shaitan / OKS: Ram Sampath – Delhi Belly
Verdict: Fair-dos.

Playback (Male): Mohit Chauhan – Rockstar / OKS: Mohit Chauhan – Rockstar
Verdict: Told ya! Another one of the most predictable winners this year. Although, I’d have LOVED to see Bappi da going home with this award this year!

Playback (Female): Shreya Ghoshal – The Dirty Picture / OKS: Usha Uthup – 7 Khoon Maaf
Verdict: Fair-dos. Yes, Shreya is deserving, but more so for Saibo, imho. But am happy with this too.

MAIN AWARDS:

Child Artist: Partho Gupte – Stanley Ka Dabba / OKS: Partho Gupte – Stanley Ka Dabba
Verdict: Yep, told ya!

Ensemble: ZNMD / OKS: Chillar Party
Verdict:  Fair-dos. I think I got a bit carried away with my own judgement, rather than who I believed would win on the night. Stupid decision, considering how obvious it was that Screen loved ZNMD.

Actor in a comic role: Pitobash – Shor in the City / OKS: Pitobash – Shor in the City
Verdict: Told ya! A very well deserved award. All the best for Filmfare and future projects.

Promising Newcomer (Male): Divyendu – Pyar Ka Punchnama / OKS: Pitobash – Shor in the City
Verdict: Haven’t seen the movie PKP, so really can’t give the verdict on this.

Promising Newcomer (Female): Parineeti Chopra  - Ladies Vs. Ricky Bahl / OKS:  Parineeti Chopra  - Ladies Vs. Ricky Bahl
Verdict: Told ya!

Actor in a negative role (Male): Prashant Narayanan (Murder 2) / OKS: Amole Gupte – Stanley Ka Dabba
Verdict: Fair-dos. Prashant was good, but it is hard for me to judge, since the Korean original, The Chaser, is far superior than the desi-copied version.

Actor in  a negative role (Female): Priyanka Chopra – 7 Khoon Maaf / OKS: Kalki Koechlin – Shaitan
Verdict: Fair-dos. But, am curious if she had a performance lined up for the night.

Supporting Actor: Saif Ali Khan -Aarakshan / OKS: Rajesh Sharma – No One Killed Jessica
Verdict: WTF! And I’d like to add a thousand more WTFs. Seems like the name of the movie for which Saif got the award speaks for itself.

Supporting Actress: Aditi Rao Hydari – Ye Saali Zindagi / OKS:  Parineeti Chopra – Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl
Verdict: Fair-dos.

Actor: Ranbir Kapoor – Rockstar / OKS: Ranbir Kapoor – Rockstar
Verdict: Told ya!! Was anyone else even competing?

Actress: Vidya Balan – The Dirty Picture / OKS:  Vidya Balan – The Dirty Picture
Verdict: Ditto!

Director: Milan Luthria – The Dirty Picture / OKS:  Milan Luthria – The Dirty Picture
Verdict: Told ya! Although, I believe Filmfare will decided otherwise.

Film: The Dirty Picture / ZNMD / OKS: Shor in the City
Verdict: WTF!! Fair-dos. I managed to get both of them wrong. LOL. And what part of Best Film says two movies? Aah, it’s all about loving your family and front row seats.

 MORE WTF-ery 

Popular Choice Male: Shahrukh Khan for Don 2. / OKS: Can I LOL now, or should I just shoot you in the face?

Popular Choice Female: Deepika Padukone for Desi Boyz. / OKS: What movie is that ?

Performer Of The Year: Ekta Kapoor / OKS: Thank you Ekta jee for making The Dirty Picture and Ragini MMS and Shor in the City.

Jodi Award: SRK and Priyanka Chopra / OKS: Did I hear her blush and smile uncontrollably again like on that Koffee show?

Ramnath Goenka Memorial Award for “having made a difference”  - Aarakshan
OKS: And Stanley Ka Dabba which addressed the issue of Child  Labour is irrelevant compared to the “making difference” qualities of Saif winning the Supporting Actor. Two words – Bitch please!

Didn’t predict in my previous post:

Sound Design: Kunal Sharma – Shaitan
Editing: Huzefa Lokhandwala – Delhi Belly
Production Design: Delhi Belly
SFX: Ra.One
Screenplay: Delhi Belly

SCORES:

Told ya: [Correct Predictions ] – 9 out of 35
WTF: [Screen needs some education ] –  8.5 out of 35
Fair-dos: [That was ok! ] – 9.5 out of 35

And Asha Bhonsle received the Lifetime Achievement Award. Congratulations Asha jee and keep blessing us with your melodious voice. On that note, I end this post. Please leave your comments below.

_______________________________________________

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The nominations for the 57th Filmfare Awards have been announced. And by the looks of it, the jury clearly did not watch a lot of movies. There is a clear omission of some of the most best movies in Bollywood of 2011. And a clear favouritism can be spotted as well, as you’d expect from the biggest movie awards in Bolly land. There is no clear consistency in the number of nominees (as in some have 5 nominees, and others 6 – e.g. Best Actor / Actress), and certain nominations are complete wtf-ery. The complete list can be found at the Filmfare awards website.

Hit the jump, as I discuss the nominations, and make my predictions.

Lyrics: Quite similar to the Screen award nominations, but wtf – Javed saab got a nomination, not for Khwabo Ke Parindey, but for the more impromptu Senorita. Remember  - “Na Main Samjha, Na Main Jaana, Jo bhi tumne hai mujhse kaha hai Senorita“. Really Filmfare..Really? Gulzar saab’s Daarling also makes it to the list, along with Irshaad Kamil’s Rockstar accomplishments. And to end the list is another mindfuck – Vishal Dadlani for Chammak Challo. I think it is indeed the end of the world order.

OKS Prediction: Irshaad Kamil for Sadda Haq, but if Vishal wins for Chammak Challo – all bets are off.

Music: A surprise entry here – Sohail Sen is nominated for Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. IMHO, that soundtrack had only one good track and that was Madhubala. Is it worth the nomination – No! Tanu Weds Manu is absent from the list, and so is Shor in the City. Other nominees are Vishal Shekhar for Ra.One, A.R. Rahman for Rockstar, and SEL for ZNMD.

OKS Prediction: A.R. Rahman for Rockstar, just coz it’s easy and uncontroversial.

Playback Singer Male:  Filmfare seems to be clearly impressed by Mohit Chauhan, as he gets dual nods for Rockstar. But wtf, Akon and Vishal for Best singer in Chammak Challo. C’mon, that song was so auto-tuned that even the fire brigade siren called it it’s step brother. And seriously Shafqat and Rahat nominated for one of their weakest songs ever. There is no explanation whatsoever for Bodyguard making it to the nominations, for any of the categories.  There’s no Tochi Raina, Shriram Iyyer for D-D-Dilli, or Wadali Brothers for Rangrez, or Lehmber Hussainpuri for Saddi Gally. And where is Bappi da’s Ooh La La? Bloody annoying!

OKS Prediction: Mohit Chauhan for Rockstar; he’s the man of the moment.

Playback Singer Female:  Again, you can see Filmfare did not listen to that many soundtracks. Bodyguard is included again, just so that we do not forget the year’s biggest grosser. Alyssa Mendosa’s Khwabo Ke Parindey gets the well deserved nod, and so does Shreya’s Saibo. Usha Uthup’s Daarling is a safe bet, but really – Katiya Karu ? I didn’t even like it a bit. Where is Sona for Bedardi Raja? I give up.

OKS Prediction: Alyssa Mendosa for Khwabo Ke Parindey, ZNMD

Supporting Actor Female: It’s interesting to see Juhi Chawla (I Am) getting on the nominations list after ages, and for a well deserved role. Up against her are, Parineeti Chopra (Ladies vs Ricky Bahl), Rani Mukherjee (No One Killed Jessica), Swara Bhaskar (Tanu Weds Manu), and Kalki Koechlin (ZNMD). If it was left for me to choose, I’d go for Swara Bhaskar for her intense and fierce Biharan performance, an absolute treat to watch. But again, this is the Filmfare awards.

OKS Prediction: Juhi Chawla, I Am.

Supporting Actor Male: Evidently, Filmfare lapped up ZNMD..or vice versa. Farhan and Abhay make it to the Best Supporting role nominations. And poor Arjun, I mean Hrithik msut’ve felt left out. Quite cool to see Naseer saab getting a nod as well for his Superstar Surya role in The Dirty Picture. And Vir Das nominated for Delhi Belly is just one of those favouritisms I was talking about. Probably, it is more down to him doing the hosting honours last year, or his Jaa Chudail routine, whichever you preferred. Ending the list, is the strongest contender – Pitobash for Shor in the City. And you know how much I loved his role as Mandook.

OKS Prediction: Pitobash, Shor in the City. I hope Filmfare does an ‘Udaan’, and gives it to the well deserved guy.

Continue here for the Big 4 >> Best Actor / Actress / Director / Film

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As the new year settles in, we are bombarded with the year’s first of many Bollywood awards - The 18th Annual Colors Screen Awards. The nominations are out, and in this post, I’ll be ranting a lot and trying to review the choices for the nominations of this year. Also, winner predictions will be made, and trust me, you can place your bets based on my predictions** (Only at your own risk)**.

The complete list of nominations can be found on Screen’s website here.

P.S., we won’t be discussing all the categories.. pfft. Way too many to even count. Hit the jump for the review.

TECHNICAL AWARDS

Costume: Seems like the only chance for Patiala House to have surfaced on the awards nominees list. But really, what was so striking about the costumes of that movie? But well, neither can I remember anything about two other nominees – Mausam, Ye Saali Zindagi. Ra.One seems like a good contender for bringing spandex back to fashion, but especially for THAT striking Bebo red sari in Chammak Challo. Either that, or the Pink Apsara costume of Vidya (The Dirty Picture), that I’ve been drooling on.

OKS prediction – Ra.One

Choreography: All predictable nominees here, with Chammak Challo, Senorita, Ooh La La, Disco Fighter, and Darling making the cut. In terms of mass appeal, Chammak Challo wins it by a mile. By that I mean, everyone remembers the signature rotatory motion that everyone was doing in Chammak Challo. The next contender I believe is Ooh La La, but that is more about a “back to the 70′s” set, rather than choreography. But then, Screen could go mental and just go fuck it, we’ll award the Disco Fighter song.

OKS Prediction – Chammak Challo – Ra.One

Action: Of all the ones nominated, I liked the non-cheap look of Don2 the most. Although Ra.One had it’s edge over others, with wire-fu and rasengans flying. I am not a big fan of the Vijayan Master school of dishoom dishoom that we got to see in Bodyguard. I think Dabangg was the end of it. And Singham was all about Ajay Devgan doing a Lady Gaga routine.

OKS Prediction – Ra.One

Cinematography: Both Delhi Belly and Rockstar had some exceptional cinematography work, but the obvious choice this year is Carlos Catalon for his portrayal of Spain as a character on it’s own in ZNMD.

OKS Prediction - ZNMD

Dialogue: No, I do not agree with Delhi Belly qualifying as a nominee for it’s expletives. And Farhaan and Abhay Deol’s antics with Bwoys, Mr. The Dubeys, and Mantal – that is not award worthy material. And no, I almost had a migraine after I finished comprehending the many metaphors of The Dirty Picture. And why the hell is Chillar Party not nominated here? My winner is Tanu Weds Manu, for it’s absolute spot on North Indian middle class twang in Hindi – from the very Bihari Payal, to the oh-so natkhat Puppy jee (Deepak Dobriyal).

OKS Prediction - Tanu Weds Manu

Story: I don’t get how some movies like 404 and Mujhse Fraandship Karoge are doing in this category. And I really don’t know why Shor in the City or Shaitan are not in this category. Seems like a bit of a egalitarian policy to not nominate these, as it seems like Screen will be awarding one of these movies in either of the categories. Pfft. Nevertheless, it is great to see Stanley on the list.

OKS Prediction - Stanley Ka Dabba

MUSIC AWARDS

Lyrics: Irshaad Kamil has been nominated for Rockstar and Javed Akhtar for ZNMD. But why the fuck isn’t lyrics writer Rajshekhar nominated here for the mammoth Rangrez?

OKS Prediction - Irshaad Kamil for Sadda Haq

Music: I agree with most of it, as you can see from my own OKS Bollywood Music Awards posts (part 1, and part 2). I’d love to see Krsna or Ram Sampath win. But we all know who’ll take home this one.

OKS Prediction - A.R.Rahman for Rockstar.

Playback (Male) : Mohit Chauhan has been a tour de force this year with Rockstar. But that doesn’t guarantee a win, especially at Screen which has always been very unpredictable in this category. I will LOVE to see Bappi da win this. But on a serious note, ..

OKS Prediction - Mohit Chauhan – Rockstar

Playback (Female) : All nominees are wrong, just fucking wrong. Except for Usha Uthup for Darling. Shreya could’ve been nominated for Saibo, but they went for Ooh La La ( The Ooee Maa must have done it’s magic). And I cannot disagree more on nominating Khoya Khoya Chand. NO!

OKS Prediction - Usha Uthup – Darling

Background Score: If Ram Sampat doesn’t win the Best Music award, I think he should get it. Else, there’s always SEL for ZNMD, or Amit Trivedi for No One Killed Jessica.

OKS Prediction - Ram Sampath – Delhi Belly

Continue to Page 2>> where we discuss the MAIN AWARDS.

]]> http://www.oneknightstands.net/the-screen-awards-2012-nominations-review-and-predictions/feed/ 2 http://www.oneknightstands.net/the-one-with-chikni-chameli/ http://www.oneknightstands.net/the-one-with-chikni-chameli/#comments Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:49:43 +0000 Sujoy http://www.oneknightstands.net/?p=2626

I get it. When you make a movie, you’ve got to pull every single trick out of your bag, to ensure that the junta laps it all up . After all, it is show-”business”. And so, it does not matter if you are making a movie on vengeance. In Bolly land, there is always some time for the hero and the villain to settle down to enjoy some flesh-appeal. And nothing’s better than a sexy siren, vibrating and gyrating at 50 Mhz. We’ve had that since Helen invented Bollywood cabaret with “Mera Naam Chin Chin Choo” . And since then, we have come a long way. The obligatory belly showcase, and the dhak dhak movements have been considered necessary elements. As well as the inclusion of a keyword, which helps in identifying the song almost instantaneously. e.g. Sheila, Munni, Babuji, Mehbooba, Monica, Humma Humma, and the list goes on, as long as the list for Item Numbers.

But even with all these checklists ticked, the formula for Agneepath’s formula item number – Chikni Chameli, couldn’t be more flawed.

There’s the ravishing Katrina Kaif , dressed in a Manish Malhotra Koli ensemble, which should mean a sure shot at a new nationwide hurricane, just by the virtue of her appearance. Choreography by Ganesh Hegde, and Hrithik and Sanju Baba at the audience end – what could possibly go wrong. Only, everything.

First, the song. It is a track which sounds heavily inspired by yesteryear’s Lavni and Koli Dance hits, especially Mungda, and it is no where close to the peppy and catchy tune of the originals from which it draws its influence. Instead, it sounds more like a noisy routine, filled with shrill whistles and Shreya Ghoshal sounds very much unlike herself.

The very best Koli dance song of the recent past has to be Cham Cham Karta Hai Ye Nashila Badan. Featuring Sonali Bendre on the dance floor, and Vaishali Samant belting out the vocals, this track was a nationwide hit for its insanely catchy hook. And even though this was from a Marathi movie - Agabai Arrechchya, there must not have been a single Indian who hasn’t grooved to its rhythm. Compared to this, Chikni Chameli is pretty flat, and “thanda”.

The lyrics are uninsipiring, especially when she says - Pawha chadha ke aayee – instead of getting turned on, all I can think of is – get that drunk bitch out of my face.

Secondly, the choreography: When you have one of the best dancers in Bollywood, you DO NOT make her dance like a ghaati launda. Katrina’s mushtanda moves almost made the song more repulsive than what it originally is. The Beeri trick doesn’t help it either. And frankly, I think we’ve already had an overdose of the Moulin Rouge-esque setup of item girls swinging over dudes, with their fluttering lehengas painting the skyline.

I have said enough already about the 2 minutes of footage that I have seen of Chikni Chameli. And as she promises, “Ye to Trailer hai, Poori Fillum Dikhane Aayee”, I can only hope that the movie is better than the trailer we just saw. I hope Sanju Baba does not do another sleepwalking routine, and can do more than just look bad in his guyliner, bald man look.

As for now, Chikni Chameli gets a mere 2 out of 5 possible Sheilas.