When the world is busy fighting the evils of capitalism and the double-faced monsters of austerity, Viacom 18  and Endemol India have conjured up this much bigger evil of unleashing the  Hydra version of Bollywood’s biggest slut – Shakti ‘Aaoo’ Kapoor, and has given him 11 “laundiyas” to play with. If you think that with that comment, I just objectified women, then you should check out how Colors is actually promoting it. Ladies and Gentlemen, quite against our initial apprehensive thought that this reality TV series would make it to its 5th incarnation, Bigg Boss Season 5 is here. And with national media covering every move, there is just no escaping this absolutely unnecessary and unwanted television show. Producers are just happy creating more TRP by means of the outrageous characterisation of the “Reality TV” versions of these “has-been” and “wannabe” celebs. And we as a nation, are happy to keep tuning in, no matter how much we continue to despise it.

Although I can’t believe that I am actually writing about something I absolutely hate, I have to keep reminding myself that this is for the greater good of stopping as many people as I can from watching this show. So, if you care to survive through this shit-storm, then hit the jump as we discuss through the Season premiére of Big Boss Season 5.

As you might have seen (or failed miserably to avoid not seeing) the promos, there’s Shakti Kapoor having the time of his life with 11 women. For the first time in the history of mankind, the scale of man:woman ratio has tipped on the female side (unlike Engineering colleges and B-Schools). But that is not quite the first shock that you get in this year’s lineup. Apart from the inclusion of Shakti, there is hardly anything left to talk about. Yes, the channel is promoting it as the headline churner machine that it was in the previous seasons, but this list of fairly unknowns are just no match with what the rumour mill has been talking about. There is no Madhuri, no Mike Tyson, and no Shakira (I can’t reveal my sources).

This year’s lineup has neither any Kamaal R Khan equivalent, nor anyone who can pose to be a Dolly Bindra. But most importantly, there is no real oomph to the show. The strategically and numerogically placed extra ‘G’ in BIGG BOSS, somehow only translates into Gandupanti this season. What can we say about the lineup of ladies -

Wife of a Criminal, a Eunuch, One Hit wonder erstwhile popstar, the lady who lifted her red skirts in slow mo, TV hosts and VJs, and the rest can be categorised under – “No one doesn’t care to give a single fuck about them”.

On the other hand, the hosting lineup is bigger than ever. Salman is back in the host avatar, and has bigger bicep-ed and flabbier bellied Sanju baba helping him out as co-host. They enter in matching leather jackets and bikes and flash a glare here and a stare there. The budget of the promo video looks more than what the producers agreed to spend on bringing together this year’s line-up of housemates. And when you think that Salman-Sanju jodi will bring a good sense of comic jugalbandi twist to the show, Sanju baba disappoints. There’s hardly any chemistry flying across, and seems Sallu’s comic second half from Chal Mere Bhai has evaporated in this TV version. Would it have been a better idea to get Arshad and Sanju do some Munna-Circuit version of TV instead? Wishful thinking.

The opening episode, as per tradition, had its fair share of opening acts, but nothing magnificent enough even by TV awards shows standards. There’s the obligatory promotion of Sanju’s next film – David Dhawan’s Rascals. And by the time all the contestants get settled in the house, you realise that Shakti Kapoor is the most high profile celeb in the list. And THAT pretty much sums it all up.

Will I be watching the show? Abso-fucking-lutely NO! But yes, like all the voyeurs of Bigg Boss out there, I’ll be looking out for what’s everyone tweeting about.

The awards season quite abruptly wakes up from hibernation right in the middle of the year coz, STOP! its IIFA time. Held at Toronto, Canada this year, this is a world-touring Bollywood Mela featuring the whos-who as well as the starlets, has-beens and wanna-bees of the Bolly clans. The headline breaking and eye-blinding bling of the star performances dancing their best Baraati steps occupy most of the spotlight, more than who’s winning what ( seriously, who gives a rat’s ass about those ). And like in a traditional marriage with all the band baaja, the awarding committee is indeed the Father of the many Brides marrying on that very night. Yes, IIFA (and other award functions) is no less than any pompous grand Indian wedding. It is all about the naachgana, the dhoom, the bang, the dhadaka. There’s food, there’s booze and there’s mithai. Special Mithai – only for the esteemed guest list who make it to the front 3-4 rows, being normally distributed to fit the perfect ‘bell curve’. The rest of us, simply don’t give a shit. You know why? Because, frankly, I feel as connected to Bollywood awards (pretty much all of them) as I do with weddings of friends of ‘door ke rishtedaar’. I don’t feel interested to be involved in it, even for a bit, but yet would like to watch the video to find out what shit got taped.

It won’t be wrong to state that the IIFA awards is an amalgamation of the following elements:

a) a Film Festival ( since it helps promote Indian films – both classic ones as well as upcoming releases, although how much does it help promote indie features and upcoming talent is quite doubtful ),

b) a Parent’s day function ( since all the debutante producer’s ke bacchhe get baptised and almost lose their onscreen virginity onstage in front of their papajee and mummyjee), and

c) a mutually benefical (aka you scratch my back, I scratch yours , aka you give me an award and I’ll show up) tamasha.

[Image heavy post after the jump, and the discussion continues]
Not to forget, there is Shiamak Davar’s mega dance-troupe dancing alongside Bollywood stars, the standup wannabe hosts trying way too hard to make sense of a failed script written by a Yashraj studio intern, and hours and hours and hours of waiting for the thousands of NRIs and Bollywood lovers, as the stars and starlets sashay down the green carpet posing at every possible flashing iPhone.

How do I know all of these? I managed to get hold of a video of the entire ceremony – Yes, the whole unedited shabang, the director’s cut, including the green carpet. And I kid you not, this is proper verified shit from one of the attendees. The main event itself is 5+ hours long. 5 hours, are you fucking kidding me? This is not a one day match. A football match with extra time and penalty shoot out, inclusive of breaks, lasts no longer than 3 hours. Oscar awards get criticised every year for the length of the ceremony clocking at somewhere near 3 hours.  And no, please stop calling it “The Bollywood Oscars”. Since I have not seen any other unedited footage of other award shows, I cannot comment on them, but 5+ hours for an awards show is simply atrocious. The only sort of justification for it is that, you got to watch it as say – Glastonbury or Donnington. Yep, IIFA can well be termed as the International Bollywood Festival weekend, where all Bolywood stars get to say – Hello <insert name of host city> , every time they get to speak on a microphone, and express their gratitude (melodramatically, cmon they are Bollywood stars) to the host city for their hospitality and appreciation and love. Yeah, right! You all stayed in a sponsored 5 star hotel, walked down the green carpet under the spotlight, and spoke to the few journalists at the press conference. So please let loose the hospitality thanksgiving speech!

As you might have figured out, I do have a big problem with IIFA awards, for projecting itself as an awards show. No doubt, it is a golden opportunity for Bollywood enthusiasts for star-spotting. But the whole problem is that, IIFA projects itself as one of the major awards shows of the year, which is complete bullcrap. Here are some more stuff which I came across this year’s show.

a) Ritesh and Boman as the hosts were absolutely useless, churning out one pathetic PJ after another. The script was boring and totally overstayed its welcome. There were more blank, silent and awkward onstage moments than attending a stranger’s funeral.

b) How long does it actually take for a presenter to get out from his/her secret lair? Why the fuck does it feel like they actually were cloning dinosaurs backstage? Isn’t that (by that I mean coming out to present the award, not the dinosaur thingie) something which should be taken care of in a pre-awards rehearsal show? Or am I asking for a bit too much?

c) Why is the “No show/ No awards” rule so religiously followed? There are plenty of instances exemplifying this. Anushka Sharma winning over Vidya Balan (even though I loved Shruti Kakkar), and Prachi Desai winning an award for Once Upon a Time in Mumbai. Ritesh Deshmukh winning an award (I don’t care for which movie). A complete eyerolling pfffft moment.

d) What was Cuba Gooding Jr. smoking? Was he paid extra for the enthusiastic screams that he kept on belting out? Or has his career hit so low that he has developed an inferiority complex when he sees Anil Kapoor yell ‘Chaiwalaah’?

e) Ranveer Singh is the man of the moment. The dude can dance his butt off, and even swoon the ladies. For what is worth, he deserves every moment of this stardom.

f) On the other hand, Bipasha Basu cannot dance, not even for her life. Sunny Deol can dance better than her, and he showed it as well!

g) On the other other hand, Shilpa Shetty can most certainly dance, almost instantaneously.

h) The whole hoopla created around Bachchans not attending, and Aishwarya getting preggy around the same time has got my mathematical skills all worked up. Will Abhishek Jr, or Bachchan Jr II (whichever they prefer) ever be allowed to step foot in IIFA land?

i) My favourites to win – Amit Trivedi for Udaan, and Sonu Nigam for Striker’s Cham Cham remain unnoticed and un-nominated.

j) Life time achievement awards for Dharmendra, Asha Bhosle and Sharmila Tagore receives – Outstanding achievement in Indian cinema. Can anyone define the difference between the two awards?

k) Lastly, Sharukh Khan is GOD. C’mon you knew it. In IIFA land, and in the land of the many ‘Bollywood Temptation concerts’ he is indeed GOD (not even the messenger). He is out there spreading his message of peace and harmony through his godly arms-wide open pose, whilst his followers clap in unison and sing in chorus ‘Aaaaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaaaa… Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham’. The man is a business machine, almost to the extreme of being nicknamed the Bollywood T-1000. Be it from dancing with his hurt feet, compelling his devotees to overcome all odds and reach out to him just to touch his feet (facepalm!), or making girls faint with a single wink (even though the dude is touching his mid 40s), SRK remains the unbeatable crossover Bollywood loverboy icon that IIFA loves to exploit year after year, sometimes to an allergic extent.

So those were my thoughts on this year’s IIFA awards. Mind you, when the show airs on Star Plus, you will get to see the Star Plus vibrating edited version, replete with smart editing of star reactions and controversial dramatic scenes enacted out by the hosts. Kindly leave your thoughts on the show, this post, or on dinosaur cloning in the comments section below.

[ For IIFA memes and other Bollywood related madness, please visit: BollyPop.in ]

Amidst the flurry of reality TV shows occupying prime-time TV space on Indian channels, there appears one show which even before airing its first episode, claims to be the World’s Biggest Dance show (and hence throwing away the likes of So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing with the Stars and all the other dance shows right into the municipality drains of Dharavi ). This show is called ‘Just Dance’ and stars Hrithik Roshan as the star judge who is nick-named ‘The God of Dance’ in almost every frame possible. The hysteria and the fandom images are randomly strewn all over the place and Hrithik mania seems to be the fever of the nation. By the looks of it, feels like Kaho Naa Pyar Hai is re-releasing or we are all back to 2000 ( the year when Kaho Naa Pyar Hai was released, yes its 11 years old). So, a bit of a reality check here is very much required. It is indeed 2011 and we have come a long way since KNPH. Hrithik has long discarded the hearthrob status and seen his decline in many unfavourable movies. But still somehow he managed to wring out a Rs. 2 crore per episode deal with Star Plus for ‘Just Dance’. The first impression definitely is that this ‘Reality TV’ show is nothing less than a melodramatic, fluffy, saccharine scripted Bollywood fare.

Now I am not a connoisseur of Reality TV shows and neither am I a well read critic. But I certainly can spot the shitty stain on my TV screen. Just so that I do not wander off from my points, here’s a systematically created list of problems that I have with this show - Just Dance.

1. Hrithik = God of Dance ( Bitch, please! )

Even as I utter those words, it all sounds sooooo preposterous and what can be termed in desi lingo as ‘Faltu’. I mean what happened to the greats like Prabhuji Mithun and not to forget Hrithik’s choreographer himself – Prabhu Deva. I don’t see them making any claims of being the best in India. Then how come this God status is bestowed upon Hrithik? Has it got to do with his resemblance to Jesus in Guzaarish? The opening dance act of Hrithik consists of him actually emerging out of water, wiping off his sweat from the forehead (in pure Rajni style), and then dancing alongside a group of dancers in black to Shiamak Davar’s choreography on ‘Dhoom Machale‘, and then a short bit on the awful title theme of Just Dance. Nowhere in that routine did I see flying angels. So please, lose the ‘God of Dance’ bullshit already! And frankly, it must be quite embarrassing for the man himself to be sort of ridiculed by his mates and peers as ‘God of Dance‘.

2. Nothing like the name.

The name says ‘Just Dance’, but its all about everything else. So clearly we see the desperation of the channel to rake in the TRPs. There’s high production values in the form of replica CGI generated crowd introduced to make it look like fucking Wembley stadium is where Just Dance is being organised. The camera often zooms to the paid extras with laughable expressions pointing out their enthusiasm and anxiousness to spot the ‘God’. The aim here was to create an enthusiastic audience, whereas the final product resembles like a cross between Jerry Springer show and any Ekta serial. And finally, there are banners of ‘Marry Me Hrithik’ and bare chests with (hopefully) fake tattoos of Hrithik written in Hindi. What has the nation come to? It all makes sense when you realise that these are all members of the Film City Extra Actors ( or as they call it – Junior Artistes) Association. Bad job Star Plus!

3. The two judges. Farah and Vaibhavi

Never ever in my life would I expect audiences chanting names of Farah, Farah or Vaibhavi,Vaibhavi! It all happens here. Ok, moving on. Why are only the two lady judges sent for the auditions? So, Hrithik clearly is the God who has summoned His Urvashi and Menaka to do the auditions. And the two ‘Apsaras’ never fail to mention their fandom of the actor. Cut the crap of ‘mutual appreciation’ for me and show me some dance. And oh, no crying please, for once puhleez!

4. Drama, Drama, Drama

All the ones who are going to be selected have some sort of a rooted story associated – from being a vegetable man (sounds like a superhero, doesn’t he?) to a girl supporting her widowed mum (sounds very Andaz Apna Apna).Ok, so I am cynical – sue me.  So, if you are just a normal bloke, chances are you are classified as boring. This law holds true for pretty much all reality TV shows, and I am frankly sick of this. Belly dancers are the only exceptions to this rule.

5. Please leave out the ‘So Bad that you gotta watch this’.

I know such videos make good YouTube videos. But can you leave these for the extras/highlights episodes. This is a fucking dance show. And all I have been asking is what the name promised me. So instead of showing people running like mad, or queueing up in the sun for a chance to meet their idols, or judges getting emotional, or showing people with two left feet trying to do Salsa, just show me the bloody dance.

I conclude by saying that Hrithik Roshan is a fine mover, and there is no doubt about that. There are not many people in Bollywood who can do the curvy snake move that he did in ‘Main Aisa Kyon Hoon’. But just stop with all this crapola script of shining a halo around him. And no, to me HR = Human Resources. So stop trying to create merchandise on the lines of an MJ band etc.

And people in the audience, if you are for real wearing those ‘I love Hrithik, Marry Me Hrithik’ T Shirts,  then I have three words for you – Get a fucking life. Stop the bullshit and start the show.

Some of you might know of this that I am right now on a holiday back home. Home means apna des, India. Specifically for me, it is Silchar, Assam, where the grass is still green and not quite polluted by the carbon monoxide in the air, and the roads are not so pretty. Vacation means feasting on the various dishes that I have been deprived of since my last visit (which was last year), sleeping at odd hours, meeting relatives, names of whom I don’t remember or I just don’t care to do so, and finally watching shitty television.

The state of the Indian television has declined drastically over the last few years, and I don’t feel any sort of apprehension in declaring that it needs a radical change in the form of entertainment that is being produced to cater to audiences. While Indian cinema has grown by leaps and bounds in producing not only popcorn and candyfloss entertainers (even though most have the same recycled storylines), but also independent and original storylines, Indian television seems to be stuck in the bottom of a black hole whose gravity has sucked out all its creativity, and all that is left is the cud for all its viewers to chew on and on.  Let me bring to your attention these points.

1. Soaps and Serials (Culprits – Star Plus, Colors, Zee TV)

My mother is an active participant of a fanclub spanning across the nation’s millions of households, where the lady has the control over the remote, and the remote is set to these no-brainer series which seem like an extended version of Hum Aapke Hai Kaun, spiced up with elements of eersha, shadyantra, maryada, rishtey and parampara, with an overdose of hamming up which would even make Suraj Barjatya go – Nahiiiiiiiiii. All of this began with the rise of the Virani family (Kyunki Saans Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi aka KSBKBT), which has spread its wings and spawned its millions of clones across channels, in various vernacular flavours. With KSBKBT, the format of the Mon-Thu run of soaps became the standard fare, and that meant – snail-paced plots and dialogues written to expand through emotions and predicaments of even the ‘maali’ of the house ( the gardener), who actually happens to be the illegitimate father of the only son of the family. With more facepalm moments than ever imaginable, these soaps and serials have one thing in common – the occurrence of a thunderous sound pause and a close-up shot moment for every pivotal character to ponder upon his/her paap in the past. There is only one reason why these soaps and serials continue to be made -  to torture the future generation of this country and for people like me to keep ridiculing them. And btw, has COLORS bought the movie Dabangg on a long term contract, so that they can broadcast it every Sunday?

2. Hindi News (Click the pic above for the News video)

It is ok for tabloid channels like Zoom to discuss at length about the linkups, breakups and party fashion of celebrities and starlets who hardly appear onscreen otherwise. But when proper news channels of the likes of IBN7, Zee News and Aaj Tak focus on tabloid journalism to take a major chunk of their one hour news bulletin, you know its time to change the channel, or even better – switch off the telly. e.g. A regular evening bulletin on Aaj Tak was headlined – Ranbir Ne Maangi Maafi, Diya Apne Linkups ki Safaai ( Ranbir apologised, and gave explanation about his linkups). The question was raised by this Aaj Tak reporter at a launch event of Panasonic TV endorsed by Ranbir Kapoor and Diya Mirza. The reporter jumped over the microphone to ask this question, and Ranbir said – I am very sorry, I feel bad that everywhere I get linked up with anyone. Please do not do so. The reporter shows a smug smile, and takes pride that he succeeded in his mission. And I feel sorry for the state of Indian news to have considered this as a real story. To all the dudes running News channels, we don’t need this shit. We don’t need to know who farted where and who is having dinner with whom and where. I also feel sorry for myself to have watched it, and now I feel sorry to have written about it. Damn!

3. MTV (Roadies, well there’s nothing else left of MTV)

There was a time when MTV meant Music Television. I don’t think that definition holds good anymore. With episodes of Roadies on air 24/7, the only other thing that airs on MTV are the teaser trailers of forthcoming releases. And besides Roadies, there is that other show – Roadies Making, and the other show where the voted out roadie and Raghu give some bol bachan on life and shit. Frankly, who gives a rat’s ass anymore. The only interesting thing about the Roadies are the auditions because like them, or hate them, the twins – Raghu and Rajeev, have a good way of testing people. But that is all. The creative team of MTV hit the jackpot with Roadies, and just like the plague on its international avatar – Jersey Shore, Roadies seems like will keep haunting us for a few more years.

4. HBO, Star Movies, AXN, Star World

When the fuck are these channels arriving in HD? And what the fuck is the deal with those annoying subtitles. There should be an option with DTH systems to be able to disable those annoying texts. That’s all.

5.  IPL

The only saving grace, and the only reason why I can bear staring at the TV screen these days is because in between the breaks of the stupid serials on COLORS, my mother allows me and my dad to switch to Max to watch the IPL. Twenty-Twenty is a lovely format for cricket, and although I couldn’t care less who wins and who loses, every time I see the ball being hit for a six, it feels good.

The only shows that I think are watchable are -

Star Plus – Comedy Ka Maha Mukabla

Zee TV – Dance India Dance

Other little things I noticed -

a.  Star One has a series on Vampires, inspired by Twilight/ Buffy . Dunno, never tried watching them.

b. CID on Sony is still going strong. Daya and Inspector Pradyumna are still together (like in a crime fighting  way).

c. Nobody watches Sahara One, SAB TV ( not even Tarak Mehta Ka Oolta Chashma), Star Utsav, NDTV Imagine etc.

d. There is a Bhojpuri version of KBC about to start on Mahua Channel (not kidding), and it possibly is going to feature Ravi Kishan on the quizmaster’s chair (speculation).

e. There are more Bengali channels than I can count. Star Jalsha has TV serials which look and feel like Balaji serials set in Kolkata, with characters speaking slow motion Bengali, occasionally paused by their inner thoughts and a drum beat of passion.

f. India TV was banned by cable operators in Silchar, due to complaints from customers about obscene content ( from a respectable source). India TV is available on DTH.

g. Thankfully, there’s no Rakhi Sawant on TV for now.

Concluding this post, I want to state that I am still annoyed with these serials featuring lead old ladies speaking with a fake Haryanvi / Rajasthani accent, their joint families living in palatial fortresses, and women in the families having nothing better to do than spy on each other and literally contest for the attention of the same man – that man, speaks in idioms and phrases and sleeps and wakes up with a tilak. How do I know so much ? Because I am subjected to this torture of watching these serials by my mother. Is that what Parampara is all about? Shame on you TV studios and serial makers.

I know I am late to the party. But this was too awesome not to blog about. Shahid Kapoor performed a dancing tribute to a medley of MJ hits at the Filmfare Awards show. Now, it goes without saying that MJ is worshipped all across the world, and India and Bollywood included is no exception. And I think that Filmfare just pwned this year’s boring Oscars production [ Street dance with Best Original Score nominations - seriously WTF? ] with this routine. Well, although Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin are million times better than the irritating duo of Saif n SRK.

Anywho, back to the MJ tribute dance routine. What I loved about the routine was that it was what it was meant to be. A simple fan of Michael Jackson dancing the way MJ showed us how to. It did start with a very Bollywood SRk-stretched arms out – trick as Shahid descends from nowhere to the stage – yeah yeah, he was on wires.

Catch the awesome video after the jump, and also the awesome segments screens after the jump.

Section 0: The Way You Make Me Feel.

Now, this is my favourite of all MJ songs. And it was great to see and hear this being featured in the medley as sort of a preface to the whole routine. The shadow sequence is of course signature MJ. And I loves it.

Section 1: Thriller.

Now we all love this. This has been performed like a gazillion times in weddings, in prisons, on talent shows and on Youtube’s most embarrassing moments home videos, and of course by Chiranjeevi Anna as well. But it never ceases to be awesome. And Shahid’s dance was just that – awesome. What annoys me is that how unimpressed the entire filmi junta look. Or is the editor’s fault to have joined in wrong sections in the video. Damn, can’t even verify coz Filmfare is never LIVE. Which raises another question in my mind, when will we have a Live FILM Awards show ever in India? [Except for the National Awards ]

Section 2: Scream.

I am guessing this was included after they saw Janet perform at last year’s VMA. Yeah, all that monitors in the back, and Shahid dancing in the front. But whatever, I love Scream -the song and the video. Especially the video. It is so sci fi, so stylish, and it has “EXPENSIVE” written all over it. And also cleared my confusion regarding Janet and Michael being the same person

Yes, Shahid’s Scream performance was just ok I guess. But then, it was a short segment and it was all solo. Now he’s no Janet. But do notice how excited Hrithik gets by the end of this section.

Section 3: Dangerous.

This is the recreation of one of the most watched dance video – MJ’s 1995 MTV VMA performance on Dangerous. And each time someone else does it, you can’t help but look at it with awe and get inspired to may be give it a go, and marvel at the genius that was MJ. The gangster firing, the explosions, the yelling of “Dangerous… Dangerous” and beat-perfect coat sleeves rubbing – that’s what makes it so awesome.

And I love it. And oh, the Smooth Criminal mix is taken out. You know why? Coz, Shahid is doing it separately in a different section altogether. Woohooo!!

Section 4: Annie are you ok? Smooth Criminal

My favourite MJ video of all time. And no, not even Kanye West can stop me this time. Love the dance of course. And mostly love what happens in the end with Hrithik and Kajol shouting and screaming.

Whereas the rest of the industry yawns. Have a look at Dips and Bips. Seriously, if this does not excite them, I don’t know what else will.

But all of it doesn’t matter. At the end of Smooth Criminal, Shahid gives a kickass moonwalk and yeah, watch out for this.

So what did you think about the video? Lemme hear your thoughts. Go shout it out in the comments section below. Cheerio!

]]> http://www.oneknightstands.net/shahid-kapoors-tribute-to-mj-filmfare/feed/ 2 http://www.oneknightstands.net/the-long-ass-list-of-tv-meme-i-can-haz-life/ http://www.oneknightstands.net/the-long-ass-list-of-tv-meme-i-can-haz-life/#comments Thu, 17 Dec 2009 10:38:21 +0000 Sujoy http://www.oneknightstands.net/?p=1231

I saw this idea at a post by my good friend Lee at Quit Your Day Job and I couldn’t resist the idea of doing it on my blog. Now we all know by now that I love Television. I love it so much that someday I might even marry it. Although, there are speculations of a divorce between me and Live TV [ which I only watch in case I am liveblogging reality TV shows like X Factor or BGT], yet even while watching recorded Telly, the relation between me and the telly is quite strong. And it has been so for the last ‘I-donno-how-many’ years.

Let’s cut to the chase and explain the concept of this post. I will be enlisting all the US,UK, Aussie etc. TV shows below[not Indian telly basically] that I have seen. The list template was provided by Lee, but it still has some shows to be added. So there are some additions.

Rules:

• Bold all of the following TV shows which you’ve ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime.
• Italicize a show if you’re positive you’ve seen every episode of it.
• Highlight new additions with an Underline.

Coolio. So, here we go. Hit the Jump to be overwhelmed by the sheer length of Telly addiction. Now I know where I missed all my lectures

[BTW, please don't judge me. Yes, I do have a life, and a job, and I don't sit at home, on a smelly leather couch, drinking beer for lunch. KTHXBYE!]

• 24
• 30 Rock
• 90210
• 7th Heaven
• ALF
• Alias
• American Gothic
• American Idol
• America’s Got Talent
• America’s Next Top Model
• Angel
• Arrested Development
• Babylon 5
• Batman: The Animated Series
• Batman Beyond/Batman of the Future
• Battlestar Galactica (the old one)
• Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
• Baywatch
• Beverly Hills 90210 (original)
• Benidorm
• Bewitched
• Bonanza
• Bones
• Bosom Buddies
• Boston Legal
• Boy Meets World
• Brothers And Sisters
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Californication
• Catherine Tate Show
• Chappelle’s Show
• Charlie’s Angels
• Charmed
• Cheers
• Chuck
• Clarissa Explains it All
• Columbo
• Commander in Chief
• Crossing Jordan
• CSI
• CSI: Miami
• CSI: NY
• Curb Your Enthusiasm
• Dark Angel
• Dark Skies
• DaVinci’s Inquest
• Dawson’s Creek
• Dead Like Me
• Deadwood
• Degrassi: The Next Generation – now if this was some of the other Degrassi shows…
• Designing Women
• Desperate Housewives
• Dexter
• Dharma & Greg
• Different Strokes
• Doctor Who – all of current season, I want to italicize this one, but couple of episodes remaining.
• Dragnet
• Due South
• ER
• Everwood
• Everybody Loves Raymond
• Extras
• Facts of Life
• Family Guy
• Farscape
• Fawlty Towers
• Felicity
• Firefly
• FlashForward
• Frasier
• Freaks & Geeks
• Friends
• Fringe
• Futurama
• Gavin and Stacey
• Get Smart
• Gilligan’s Island
• Gilmore Girls
• Gossip Girl
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Grange Hill
• Growing Pains
• Gunsmoke
• Happy Days
• Harry Hill’s TV Burp
• Have I Got News For You
• Hercules: the Legendary Journeys
• Heroes
• Home Improvement
• Homicide: Life on the Street
• House
• How I Met Your Mother
• Ideal
• I Dream of Jeannie
• I Love Lucy
• Invader Zim
• Invasion
• Hell’s Kitchen
• JAG
• Jackass
• Joey
• Kim Possible
• King of Queens
• Knight Rider
• Knight Rider: 2008
• Kung Fu
• Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
• La Femme Nikita
• LA Law
• Laverne and Shirley
• Law and Order
• Law and Order: SVU
• Law and Order: CI
• Leverage
• Little Britain
• Little House on the Prairie
• Live At Appollo
• Lizzie McGuire
• Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
• Lost
• Lost in Space
• MASH
• MacGyver
• Malcolm in the Middle
• Married… With Children
• McLeod’s Daughters
• Melrose Place
• Miami Vice
• Misfits
• Mission: Impossible
• Mock The Week
• Modern Family
• Mod Squad
• Monk
• Mork & Mindy
• Murphy Brown
• My Life As A Dog
• My Three Sons
• My Two Dads
• Mythbusters
• NCIS
• Ned Bigby’s Declassified School Survival Guide
• Nip/Tuck
• Numb3rs
• One Tree Hill
• Oz
• Perry Mason
• Power Rangers
• Press Gang – I loved this show
• Prison Break
• Private Practice
• Privileged
• Profiler
• Project Runway
• Psych
• Pushing Daisies
• QI, This one’s a must see
• Quantum Leap
• Queer As Folk (US)
• Queer as Folk (UK)
• ReGenesis
• Remington Steele
• Rescue Me
• Road Rules
• ROME
• Roseanne
• Roswell
• Sanctuary
• Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
• Scrubs
• Seaquest DSV
• Seinfeld
• Sex and the City
• Six Feet Under
• Slings and Arrows
• Smallville
• So Weird
• South of Nowhere
• South Park
• Spaced
• Spongebob Squarepants
• St. Elsewhere
• Star Trek
• Star Trek: The Next Generation
• Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
• Star Trek: Voyager
• Star Trek: Enterprise
• Stargate Atlantis
• Stargate SG-1
• Starsky & Hutch
• Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
• Superman
• Supernatural, I so want to italicize this one as well. But I missed a couple in Season 2. And I have seen none of the current season.
• Surface
• Survivor
• Taxi
• Teen Titans
• That 70’s Show
• That’s So Raven
• The 4400
• The Addams Family
• The Amazing Race
• The Andy Griffith Show
• The A-Team
• The Avengers
• The Beverly Hillbillies
• The Big Bang Theory
• The Brady Bunch
• The Cosby Show
• The Daily Show
• The Dead Zone
• The Dick Van Dyke Show
• The Flintstones
• The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
• The F Word
• The Golden Girls
• The Honeymooners
• The Jeffersons
• The Jetsons
• The L Word
• The Love Boat
• The Magnificent Seven
• The Mary Tyler Moore Show
• The Monkees
• The Munsters
• The O.C.
• The Office (UK)
• The Office (US)
• The Peep Show
• The Powerpuff Girls
• The Pretender
• The Real World
• The Shield
• The Simpsons
• The Six Million Dollar Man
• The Sopranos
• The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
• The Twilight Zone
• The Waltons
• The West Wing
• The Wire, I need to watch more of this.
• The Wonder Years
• The X Factor
• The X-Files
• Third Watch
• Three’s Company
• Top Gear
• Torchwood
• True Blood
• Twin Peaks
• Twitch City
• Unfabulous
• Ugly Betty
• Veronica Mars
• Weeds
• Who Dare Wins
• Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)
• Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)
• Will and Grace
• Wings
• Xena: Warrior Princess

Anime List:

• Naruto
• Naruto Shippuuden
• Deathnote
• Bleach
• Shaman King
• Basilisk
• Karas
• DragonBall Z
• Pokemon
• Astro Boy
• Avatar
• Devil May Cry

Now I am pretty much sure that I am missing out a lot of other show which I have not added to the list. Yes, I can’t even remember what I was watching
As for Indian TV, I have been limited to catching up on MTV Roadies and MTV Desi Rock On. One thing’s for sure, my mum won’t be proud of my list. Of course, coz her list would include italicised -Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, and Kasauti Zindagi Ki. [Imagine, if they ever released a boxset of DVDs or Blu Ray for those soaps. Ugh!!! No, I am not feeding ideas]

So you tell me, what’s included on your list of Telly.

Image courtesy[ Dhammza]

Just a quick post. These are images from tonight’s Susan Boyle performance Live at ITV1. Susan Boyle performed Wild Horses, Cry Me A River, and also along with the London cast of Les Miserables, she performed her winning single – I Dreamed A Dream. Just one word – Awesome! Another word – Spellbinding.

And yes, the show was hosted by – Piersy Baby!!

…..More Images after the Jump….

Good Night people.

***And the Winner is – Joe McElderry***

So here we are here for the big finale. The final show of the season. To be honest, I have no more interest in the show now that Stacey is no longer in the finals. So, we have Olly vs. Joe for the finals tonight. And in a matter of hours we will get to know the winner of this season’s X Factor. We’ll be there to liveblog it.

But for now, let’s have a look at what are the finalists singing tonight:

Olly
Twist And Shout

Joe
Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey

THE WINNER’S SINGLE

Olly and Joe – The Climb

The live results show starts at 7:30 pm London Time. Be there!

**And the Winner is..**

Not just yet. Coz the phone lines are open still. Olly -2, Joe -3. The judges are in. But first, here’s an ensemble performance from the X Factor final 12.

And hey, people welcome Danyl, Lucie, Jamie and Rachel. And then Lloyd and Rikki, Kandy Rain and Miss Frank. And they’ve their childhood photos in the background. And hello Jedward. And finally Stacey. Not to forget – Olly and Joe. The song btw is Take That – Never Forget.

A quick recap of last night sans Stacey. Round 2 with Robbie and George Michael. I still can’t believe Stacey was voted off last night. Anywho, my job here is to liveblog the events of tonight. So here we are. The results show continues after the break.

——————————————————————

Back to the show. The final show continues. The contestants sing their own favourite tracks from the show.

Olly sings – Twist and Shout. Hmm.

Look, I am no more fussed about who wins this competition. I am just fed up with the competition. I just don’t care anymore. And I don’t care if he sings well, or if he dances in that silly Thriller routine. So, best of luck Olly – may you win this.

Louis sez: You’re a born showman

Danny: Everybody coming to XFactor tour will be looking forward to your performance.

Cheryl: You are in your element.

Simon: You are fearless . [Can't hear beyond this, coz the audience is up with Olly Olly chants]

Like I said before, he is the entertainer, and Joe is the better singer. But Joe is more like music-theatre Broadway musical and not a popstar. So, I guess Olly wins the show. But then, I have been proved wrong on more than one occasion.

Joe performs after the break. C u in a bit!

Update: Susan Boyle performs on ITV1 after the XFactor results show.

————————————————————

Right, back from the break. Cheryl introduces – Joe, who will be singing -Don’t stop Believing. And please, someone stop Cheryl from saying “The Whole Package”.

Right on to the performance. I love love love this song. And if you like Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing, [on a totally different note] try this out – Axis of Awesome: Four Chords. It’s basically a mash up of a lot of hit singles on the same four chords of Don’t Stop Believing. Back to the performance, with this song, Joe is less of a west-end star, and actually a popstar. This should be the kind of songs that he should do, and a spot-on choice.

Louis: You got the voice, the attitude, the charm.

Danny: Definitely the best voice on the stage tonight, no doubt.

Simon: That was a brilliant song choice. Tonight – Brilliant.

Cheryl: Everybody in here believes in you.

Ok, @Daximo exclaimed at the sight of Cheryl’s hair. He thinks that Cheryl has been mugged and dragged through a hedge. A classic case of don’t mess with your hairdresser. LMFAO. And officially we have voted for Joe now.

———————————————————-

Back from the break. And oh people. This is the best thing in the show this season. Apart from Stacey’s ” Wonderful World”. A live collaboration of Alexandra and JLS on “Bad Boy”. This is massive and actually, this song is growing on me. And then the massive JLS hit – Everybody in Love. I love love love this performance.

And now for some Leona Love. She’s singing her latest single – Stop Crying Your Heart Out[Thanks to Kevin for correcting me]. Sorry, I was busy somewhere else [in the loo to be precise]. So I really don’t know how Leona’s performance went. It’s break time now, and the Winner’s single – a Miley Cyrus cover nonetheless -The Climb, will be performed next by Olly and Joe. Brb!

———————————————————-

The Winner’s single. First up Olly. Lemme tell you – I AM NOT into Miley Cyrus and the -I have a dream – type of songs. So I better shut up on this. And it doesn’t matter what I say right now. I have voted for Joe so that Olly does not win.

Ok, right now they are showing Olly’s family members congratulating him and wishing him best of luck. And all that white background and foggy look makes me think – Are they in heaven?

And now over to Joe’s performance. And hang on, I am wrong here now. Coz, if this is a Miley Cyrus song, this should be the pop songs that are the teens are into these days. And coz Joe is nailing this song, Joe definitely has a big shot at becoming a popstar as well as a Broadway star. Hmmm. And anyway, coz Joe has the better voice and vocal talent – I’ll still say – Go Joe Go Joe!!!

And now for Joe’s family wishing all the best. I love Joe’s Nan A recap of the performances from last night, and tonight by the finalists.

And now for a special Guest performance by George Michael – December Song. Just in time you bet! Very cheeky business strategy. No wonder he agreed to perform.

Anywho time for a break.

———————————————————

Back from the break. And believe or not, we have Sir Paul McCartney performing on the X Factor stage. Phew!

He’s performing Drive My car with the final 12, and that seemed like an Olly song tbh. And we are here in for another one. It’s -Live and Let Die, and the backing singers suck, big time!!

But this song is one helluva grand song. And he may look old, but the man’s still got it!

And I remember he supported and endorsed Geraldine McQueen And bless Simon Cowell to have put Paul Macca through to the next round

———————————————————

RIght, the lines are closed, and the votes are being counted now.

And the FINAL MOMENT is here now. The winner about to be revealed now. Are you tensed people? I am!!

10 million votes were in for the finals. And the winner is about to be revealed.

The WINNER of XFactor 2009 is : [Please Joe, C'mon Joe] Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…. Joe McElderry!!!

David just deafended both my ears !!! Joe wins!!!

So there we go – Joe McElderry wins the show.

And the winner’s single now. And the final 12 are onstage dressed in white, and apparently, Rachel loves Joe Wooohooo. At least this time, the British people got it right. I bet the atomsphere right now in South Shields must be amazing. Must be like after the Cup finals [you know what I mean].

Phew! That was a stressful journey for me. Liveblogging every week. And now, it’s all gone now, in a moment. I feel nostalgic about the way I got connected to this show, and through this blog, how connected I feel with the X Factor lovers of the show from all over the world. Especially -Annie, Rojhat love you both. Thanks to Rickey for linking, and retweeting every week. Awesome bloke you are Rickey. And all other people who read my blog and commented on it. Thank you all!! I hope to continue blogging on various pop culture and TV stuff. So do give a visit once in a while.

But for now, I’m feeling a bit relieved. And I am looking forward to an X-Factor free weekend next week, especially coz I will be watching Avatar on IMAX in 3D. Woohoo!!!

Big hugs to all. And thank you again!!!

BIG UPDATE: Holly on XTra Factor just revealed the Weekly No.1 votes

Week 1-Danyl

Week 2-Stacey

Week 3-Rachel

Week 4-5-Danyl Danyl

Week 6-Stacey

Week 7-8-9-10-Joe

Wow!!!