Amidst the flurry of reality TV shows occupying prime-time TV space on Indian channels, there appears one show which even before airing its first episode, claims to be the World’s Biggest Dance show (and hence throwing away the likes of So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing with the Stars and all the other dance shows right into the municipality drains of Dharavi ). This show is called ‘Just Dance’ and stars Hrithik Roshan as the star judge who is nick-named ‘The God of Dance’ in almost every frame possible. The hysteria and the fandom images are randomly strewn all over the place and Hrithik mania seems to be the fever of the nation. By the looks of it, feels like Kaho Naa Pyar Hai is re-releasing or we are all back to 2000 ( the year when Kaho Naa Pyar Hai was released, yes its 11 years old). So, a bit of a reality check here is very much required. It is indeed 2011 and we have come a long way since KNPH. Hrithik has long discarded the hearthrob status and seen his decline in many unfavourable movies. But still somehow he managed to wring out a Rs. 2 crore per episode deal with Star Plus for ‘Just Dance’. The first impression definitely is that this ‘Reality TV’ show is nothing less than a melodramatic, fluffy, saccharine scripted Bollywood fare.
Now I am not a connoisseur of Reality TV shows and neither am I a well read critic. But I certainly can spot the shitty stain on my TV screen. Just so that I do not wander off from my points, here’s a systematically created list of problems that I have with this show - Just Dance.
1. Hrithik = God of Dance ( Bitch, please! )
Even as I utter those words, it all sounds sooooo preposterous and what can be termed in desi lingo as ‘Faltu’. I mean what happened to the greats like Prabhuji Mithun and not to forget Hrithik’s choreographer himself – Prabhu Deva. I don’t see them making any claims of being the best in India. Then how come this God status is bestowed upon Hrithik? Has it got to do with his resemblance to Jesus in Guzaarish? The opening dance act of Hrithik consists of him actually emerging out of water, wiping off his sweat from the forehead (in pure Rajni style), and then dancing alongside a group of dancers in black to Shiamak Davar’s choreography on ‘Dhoom Machale‘, and then a short bit on the awful title theme of Just Dance. Nowhere in that routine did I see flying angels. So please, lose the ‘God of Dance’ bullshit already! And frankly, it must be quite embarrassing for the man himself to be sort of ridiculed by his mates and peers as ‘God of Dance‘.
2. Nothing like the name.
The name says ‘Just Dance’, but its all about everything else. So clearly we see the desperation of the channel to rake in the TRPs. There’s high production values in the form of replica CGI generated crowd introduced to make it look like fucking Wembley stadium is where Just Dance is being organised. The camera often zooms to the paid extras with laughable expressions pointing out their enthusiasm and anxiousness to spot the ‘God’. The aim here was to create an enthusiastic audience, whereas the final product resembles like a cross between Jerry Springer show and any Ekta serial. And finally, there are banners of ‘Marry Me Hrithik’ and bare chests with (hopefully) fake tattoos of Hrithik written in Hindi. What has the nation come to? It all makes sense when you realise that these are all members of the Film City Extra Actors ( or as they call it – Junior Artistes) Association. Bad job Star Plus!
3. The two judges. Farah and Vaibhavi
Never ever in my life would I expect audiences chanting names of Farah, Farah or Vaibhavi,Vaibhavi! It all happens here. Ok, moving on. Why are only the two lady judges sent for the auditions? So, Hrithik clearly is the God who has summoned His Urvashi and Menaka to do the auditions. And the two ‘Apsaras’ never fail to mention their fandom of the actor. Cut the crap of ‘mutual appreciation’ for me and show me some dance. And oh, no crying please, for once puhleez!
4. Drama, Drama, Drama
All the ones who are going to be selected have some sort of a rooted story associated – from being a vegetable man (sounds like a superhero, doesn’t he?) to a girl supporting her widowed mum (sounds very Andaz Apna Apna).Ok, so I am cynical – sue me. So, if you are just a normal bloke, chances are you are classified as boring. This law holds true for pretty much all reality TV shows, and I am frankly sick of this. Belly dancers are the only exceptions to this rule.
5. Please leave out the ‘So Bad that you gotta watch this’.
I know such videos make good YouTube videos. But can you leave these for the extras/highlights episodes. This is a fucking dance show. And all I have been asking is what the name promised me. So instead of showing people running like mad, or queueing up in the sun for a chance to meet their idols, or judges getting emotional, or showing people with two left feet trying to do Salsa, just show me the bloody dance.
I conclude by saying that Hrithik Roshan is a fine mover, and there is no doubt about that. There are not many people in Bollywood who can do the curvy snake move that he did in ‘Main Aisa Kyon Hoon’. But just stop with all this crapola script of shining a halo around him. And no, to me HR = Human Resources. So stop trying to create merchandise on the lines of an MJ band etc.
And people in the audience, if you are for real wearing those ‘I love Hrithik, Marry Me Hrithik’ T Shirts, then I have three words for you – Get a fucking life. Stop the bullshit and start the show.