One Knight Stands!

I wanted this post to be on my other movie blog. And then I decided not to. Just because I wanted to add so much adult content into this blog that it'd make all my readers (who are very conservative by nature, I know them coz they are just a bunchful who just can't take jokes having the word 'sperm')feel offended and consequently lose my reader(s) base. So here I am writing it here on a blog with an adult name(One Knight Stands, c'mon it is at least PG13). So wtf!!!! I have been writing a long long intro for this ,and what is it all about? This is the official slaughter, the public 'vastraharan' of a movie which stars all my favorite actors and Monica Belucci(she ain't an actress, c'mon her boobs are real).I'm talking about this movie called Shoot 'em Up starring Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti. I walked in the theater a bit late actually 5 mins after the movie started. So, I really did not get enough time to settle down at ease. Add to that I hit someone's knee in the dark (Thank God I didn't squeeze someone's groin, that's happened to me but its forgiven). There I was, had just rested my ass on the seat , totaly clueless what the f was happening. Clive Owen leathered up in black with Guns and talking more with the barrel and Bam Bam Bam! There's this pregnant lady whom he's trying to save. And hey there's Paul with his leather gang and Uzis and Mp5s fly around, and Mr.Clive Owen does the avahan of the Rajnikanth avatar. He flies, he rolls, he slides on grease and his leather jacket manages to get ...wait for it...no spots at all. Was it leather or Teflon? And then the climax of the first of many action sequences that were to unfold. Mr.Clive shoots at the Neon sign on the roof, to spell
"F U K..... U". Paul replies "F U K.. U... T O O". Now that's original right! And did you know the best thing? All this while Mr.Clive had a newborn baby in his front pocket of his leather jacket.Sab Prabhu ki Maya hai.
Don't worry about the story. There's a lot of Monica Darling ,if you know what I mean. I am going for the Unrated DVD version. Coz, the local theater here edited the essential portions.And yeah one action sequence involves Mr.Clive(ok, here on I'll call him Smith, coz that's the supposed name of the Top Secret Character he plays) and Monica darling making "Love" and Mr.Smith rolls over and notices danger and shoots his load( in both ways). Accompanied by his awesome witty lines and a Karamchand-isque carrot chewing(He even has the famous Bugs Bunny dialogue). Paul Giamatti is deprived of the good lines it seems and is seen to be tormented by a naggy wife. The frustration can be seen in the sexual tension he oozes out on poor Monica darling's spotless thighs. And yeah, when Smith again manages to fuck him over, what does he say...here's the dialogue of the movie..referring to Paul's previous movie-" Fuck me Sideways". That's brilliant mate!
And yeah the stunts are top notch. It involves poking of carrots to the eyes, shooting on the bars of a merry go round to make it revolve round and round, using ropes to manipulate guns in a gun warehouse, u make up the rest. I bet you'd be damn close as the director.
And just when I thought I had seen it all in a movie, Shoot em' Up suprised me with the climax. Smith shoots Paul in the heart, ejected his lump of flesh and the camera rolls down from his shoulders to his waist, and there is a hole from which I can see his heart beating and Mr.Smith is standing on the other side. Woo Hoo. I love this movie.............NOT.