The Legend of the Bollywood Jane..!!

For all those (the dumb ones who did not watch what happened right after the song )who are still wondering whether Jumma DID give her Chumma (Kiss) to Tiger, the answer is Yes,she DID. Tiger (Big B’s name in Mukul Anand’s HUM) survived with minimum injuries and a face loaded with prints of the red lips (those were the days without the non-transferring Maybelline). And for all those dumb ones who are not aware of the entire set up of how Tiger becomes such a confident and demanding male ( as the words say -Jumma Chumma De De), the answer lies in the scene before the song (Bollywood has never believed in desynchronisation of plot points. Are you listening Christoper ‘Memento’ Nolan? ). Miss Jumma challenges Tiger to collect his hafta ( in the form of a coin) which has been rested in between her..you know where! Okay, her b@@bies. (Now c’mon if they can show it, I can well fucking write it down.) And what was at stake? Jumma would give Chumma (kiss) to Tiger on the day of Jumma. (Please do take note of the intelligence of the moviemaker in the choice of words and rhymes. ) Tiger lifts Jumma, makes her legs go up and face almost touching the ground and starts shaking well. The end result is that due to the vibratory motion and the gravitational force, the coin was attracted towards the centre of the earth. Hence,proved! And Tiger gets his share of Chummas. Mystery solved. But keeping aside the entire Jumma Chumma De De incident, I am still searching for answers to the question posted in the title: What happened to the legend of the Bollywood Jane-Kimi Katkar? Read the rest of this post »

Let’s put a smile on that face!

I had plans of writing a post on the anime feature: Gotham Knight before I wrote this review, but the last two days were spent in anticipation over the wait for the Dark Knight. And having seen the movie   today on the big screen, I don’t remember what I saw on the anime. Hell, I don’t remember what I saw in the previous Batman movies and once I walk out of the cinema, I get this feeling - that might be the best superhero movie, ever, if not the best movie ever ( Lee thinks so !!). And it is totaly worth all the hype, all the viral marketing, all the fanboism and hoopla at Comic Cons et al, coz it delivers. No that is not the correct word choice. Coz it overtakes your expectations, by glueing you to your seat, grabbing your collar and make you WATCH with your eyes wide open as the Joker giggles and the Batman glides.And guess what? Anyone who enters the theater with great expectations would leave the theater without the desire of doing so, wanting desperately to watch it a second time, a third time, or even more, with the stark realization that the word “great” in one’s expectations earlier is SORELY inadequate! There are reasons why movies like these need to be 2 hours and 32 minutes long. Because there is only one Dark Knight. Read the rest of this post »

The above pic is a G-rated one. For the PG-13 version, go here. Anyway,for the children of this age who have not been subjected to Joel Schumacher’s third degree torture, you are blessed. Because we have seen a multi-million franchise to have been lifted from being a campy TV franchise to a Gothic vision (by Tim Burton, which had its flaws, but we love it) and then just been destroyed..no BUTCHERED. Batman Forever was, as they say, the beginning of the end, and Batman and Robin was the last nail in the coffin (until it was ressurected by Nolan ). Still makes me wonder sometimes what was going through the mind of Joel Schumacher and the guys at Warner Bros when they made these two (the first one-Batman Forever in the year 1995-3 years after Batman Returns, and the second one: Batman and Robin in 1997). And I often imagine the following dialogues.

Joel: (while watching Burton’s versions) Oh Burton Burton..!! He must be so disturbed.Need more lights, more fluorescence. Ladies-Uma Thurman, Drew Barrymore, Nicole Kidman, beat that!! oh that lady in the Crying video. More Gay appeal. Clooney, c’mon you are sport enough to flash bat Nipples yeah!! And yeah, some good bulge as well. Robin, we’ll have a butt shot. And yes, Tommy Jones-we don’t have much budget, you have to do your own make-up. We’ll have the future Governor of CA as the cold villain. (Evil Laugh).

WB guys: Joel, consider Jim Carrey for the Riddler. The guy is insanely good.

Joel: Jim who?

The rest as they say is history. All that I write for the two movies here are based on the bleak and yet disturbed memories that I had after watching these two cinematic crap-bags almost 5 years ago. And no, I didn’t watch it again to blurt it all out. Just thought this one would be a good sequel to my previous post: Batman -The First Two. I promise to keep it short, and sorry no screenshots to grace this post. Read the rest of this post »

I can still remember the spine chilling grrl that came out of the mouth of Oswald Cobblepot. The white-skinned flippers, the gaze and teeth which had a “dark green toxic liquid” layer on them. That was 10 years ago, when I watched a glimpse of Batman Returns, and could not complete watching it because of reasons I cannot remember now. And even before that, a very young me was completely frightened by the horror of a smiling man. A face whose smile did not bring a sense of joy, but instantly meant evil. Such was the power of the Joker, that when I saw the newsreader girl fall on the floor and watch her face turn into a white smile, I went ahead and switched off the TV. And till date, I had not completely watched Batman-the first two. I can hear many wtfs in the background, but that’s true. And having survived through the worst two (which is the topic of the next post on OKS), a good amount of well written Batman Beyond series and of course Nolan’s darker,better and most mature treatment of Batman in Batman Begins, I really wanted to go back and finish my task of watching Tim Burton’s Batmans. This had been a pending job for me more than a movie watching thing, and I knew it wouldn’t be a better timing than watch it NOW, when the Dark Knight releases next week on July the 18th. So to officially begin with the week long celebrations for the welcome of the Dark Knight, Ladies n Gents, I give you: Batman -The First Two.

Screenshots after the Jump. Read the rest of this post »

\m/.Bollywood Rock has Arrived. And it is FULL ON.\m/

So we have it. The first Indian Rock Bollywood soundtrack. Ugh! I so hate to call it that. It is a Bollywood movie soundtrack-Yes! And it IS ROCK. How Indian? I can see no Indianization in it (except for the Hindi lyrics) and it is an all out-full throttle Rock soundtrack with no holds barred. No cliche’ sitar addition or an Indian classical solo on a distorted electric guitar in the arrangement of which Indian Rock soundtracks in Bollywood are known to be. Nothing wrong about them as well. But Rock On’s soundtrack is what it is-ROCK ON. It is somehow an Indian tribute to the many Legends of Rock that we have grown up listening to -AC/DC, Megadeth,The Who et al. And I know it for sure that Farhan Akhtar saw way too many concert DVDs before sitting down to sing for the soundtrack. The attitude, the grunge and the punch in the vocals comes through easily, and yes, get ready to be hit by the Vocals. And well, it might not be a totaly new sound for us Rock fans, who pretty much listen to it all the time, it is a big welcome change for Bollywood Music. And quite frankly, it seems funny (in a good way) to hear Hindi lyrics on a Rock Song. As always, I am gonna go the reverse way -Last track first.

But well, there is now a twist to it. The Last track is a Live version of the second track in the album. SO let’s go for it together. Track 2 and 8: Pichle Saat Dinon Mein - Farhan Akhtar on the vocals. I know it is Ehsaan on the guitars belting out the riff. . The lyrics is as silly as it could be , but well you don’t expect a very metaphorical referencing rhyme in a Rock Song-not this one. It is about what stuff the guy lost in the last seven days. And it contains things as trivial as a Laundry Bill, a lady’s phone number, a king of hearts from the deck of cards, and a silver ring. Pretty meaningless and irrelevant, unless we hear the organ sound in the background, the riff, and the chorus going Na Na Na Na Na!! And hold on it does contain the Lines- Maryjane ka ek packet, Meri Denim ka ek Jacket. And who did we say wrote the lyrics. Read the rest of this post »

You can take the Rathod out of Ranjhor, but you cannot take the Ranjhor out of Rathod

It is not exaggarating at all to say that this can be called the DIL CHAHTA HAI of the year. It is dew fresh, it is immensely enjoyable and entertaining minus any form of saccharine or sugar coated romance (which has been almost synonymous with Bollywood). JAANE TU is a breathe of fresh air with a ton load of mint. And the best part of it is, it doesn’t act as a tailor made launch vehicle for Imraan Khan (unlike the other debut releasing this week, yeah the 2050 movie) , but as a whole ensemble entertainer with the perfect choice of actors to play the characters- some unknown, and some very familiar. And oh yes, Jaane Tu is not the debut for Imraan only. It also marks the debut for Pratiek Babbar (son of late Smita Patil) and welcomes back to the screen -Anooradha Patel, Kitu Gidwani and frames Naseeruddin Shah as Ajay Singh Rathod in a painting. Beat that!

Now where do I begin. Of course, from the oil pastel effects when the opening credits are shown. Love all around you in different hues as Rahman’s Jazz settles you down. You need 5 seconds at best to feel it, the smile on your face emerges and you just know it, that this is going to be good. And good it is not, it is GREAT. Of course, we are by now swept by the melody of “Kabhi Kabhi Aditi” to that extent that I have become a bit repulsive to it. But the movie brought it all back. The movie also has a secret character in it- and that is BOMBAY- the roads wet with rain, and reflecting back the streetlights, the necklace at Marine Drive, Santacruz Airport, and well, St.Xavier’s picturesque Basketball court. I say -”Aise main Koi Kaise NAA Muskuraye” (How can one not smile at this ). The cinematography is simply put - brilliant. Read the rest of this post »

Ladies n Gents, Boyz n Gals, make room for the Rock to hit you, coz here they are: Wagon Rags to knock your socks off with their rock and well make Bollywood remixed bitches eat dust. But well, Mr.Lead Singer, Jh**ga (though he specifically mentioned his displeasure over being referred by this name and that Jh**ga is not derived from Abhishek JHA but from his affinity to prawn dishes) would put it otherwise. (I asterisked the name coz my chicken platter is at stake) He says, Wagon Rags aren’t here to compete or battle against any form of music. Wagon Rags are just here to belt out their music and sweep the crowd off their feet. Ok, I know Wordsworth said “A thing of beauty is a joy forever”. And well, “A little of Self Promotion is SuJOY forever *wink*”. First, lemme introduce the band before I go into the intricate details of the seven hours in Sound Ideaz Studios of Pune where we witnessed a nine month old tune take its shape, riff by riff, solo to solo and beat to beat.
Drum Rolls: Dheessh!!!!!!
Dean on the Bass.
Gyan on the Drums
Vatsal on the Guitars
Parag on the Lead Guitars
Abhishek on the Vocals.
The Band: Wagon Rags . First Single: Devil’s Ride
In a way, it makes sense that the bands Rhythm guitarist:  Vatsal Raicha is a Mechanical Engineer from NIT Surathkal. But then, he has lost all of his mechanical gyan of IC engines, and that now all he knows is screw up the nuts of his project teammates (he is a project lead in an respectable IT Firm ). And well, to say that Wagon Rags has anything to do with Mr.Raicha would just be cool for the sake of it. That is so not how it happened. Wagon Rags emerged as the winner over such great ones nominated as “Marcoly’s Punch”, ” Pure silver Brutal Farce” and well the one suggested by me - ” Paanch Badan Ek Jaan” (5 bodies, one soul). Clearly Wagon Rags seemed logical to them, but well I still think Paanch Badan to be a clear winner.

BAND PROMOTION PICS FROM RECORDING ROOM AFTER THE JUMP

Read the rest of this post »

It goes without saying that Edward Norton’s Bruce Banner is more charming than Eric Bana’s. And well, this version of The Incredible Hulk works on more levels than the previous one.But then the poster to the left suggests as if Norton just walked out of the Ass gates of the Hulk…anyway.. Coming back to the Hulk, I am personally not a big fan of this comic character( I have my reasons for not calling IT a SUPERHERO) and to me, the HULK is just a complex character woven by Stan Lee ,inspired by probably Frankestein and Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. And well, what makes it cool is that Banner’s body is the host to Gamma Ray radiation -’mean green’ in color and ignited by RAGE. That is so Testosterone more than Adrenaline. And that is why, Hulk remains one of my least favorite.  But having said that, nothing is more cool than to see the green monster go berserk bashing around any damn thing lying around and do the Devil’s Dance. Ang Lee’s version was an attempt to keep the dance low key and project more of the workings of the monstrous mind. It worked for some, and didn’t for others (including me). Norton, Writer Zak Penn and Director Louis Letterier (Transporter 2, Unleashed)  however has plan otherwise. Since the trailers unveiled months back, we all knew this was here to undo the harm of the predecessor, and not only revive the Hulk franchise, but also in a way try to start it from a clean slate and show more Bam and KaPOWs per frame. And yes, it is more interesting when the Hulk is not challenged by the petty US Army, but by his equally strong radioactive nemesis. Read the rest of this post »

Reading Lee Sargent’s QuitYourDayJob blog on Friday the 13th (His post on the Top 5 Horror Flicks ) gave me this idea to just blurt out on what this day represents in Indian cinema. Nothing. And if you thought Indian cinema can be scary, I would say, YES for all the wrong reasons. Scary when it is least meant to be, and when we start discussing at length of all the scares that Bollywood (or more so, its step sister/ illegitimate child, the B-grade Bollywood or what we’ll call as Bbolly) has offered in all our growing years of watching cinema, we have had more laughs and eyes filled with tears while we rolled on the floor pointing our fingers (the index one) at the makeup peeling off from the lady’s ..umm..face while Viju Khote runs through the corridor lit in red light. I can still vividly remember almost each and every cliche that scary movies had to offer in those days when satellite TV was yet to invade our lives. The local cinema theater (here called Gopinath, dedicated to the many bunked tuition classes ) was the one which offered the best of entertainment as titillation was a complete no no on the only existing National TV network. The posters used to bear the best that the movie had and names that would bring any Ekta Kapoor serial to shame (in sheer length).e.g. Paapi Gudiya Ka Insaaf (The justice of the Sinful Doll, a nice take on Chucky). But then, there were the short and sweet ones too.Veerana, Kafan,Saamri, Darwaza and many more of that legion fall into this category. So by now, you must have almost got the idea that what I’m gonna talk here is all about the deep shit scary stuff, not the ones with Vidya Balan singing “Aami Je Tomar” or Urmila Matondkar being exorcised. What’s happening here is that we discuss the many rules that have ruled Bbolly Horror, rules like Black Hairs and Wet White Saris, Smoke,Rapes and Shakti Kapoor,not necessarily in that order.

Rule no 1: We have to begin with the name. Shakespeare said,”What’s in a name?” Little did he know that centuries later, we would call him “Hilti Hui Nashpattee” or even change the first half of his last name to a 3 lettered word ending with an X. Anyway, the point is, the name plays a very vital role in the product placement. Names like Bhoot(ghost) or Pretaatma (similar meaning) just won’t work in Bbolly. Bbolly demands for graphic explanation. Best example is the latest flick at Alankar cinema: Bachke Rehna Zara Bhoot Bangle Main (Stay alert in the ghost house). Other popular Titles include: Pyaasi Padosan (Thirsty Neigbour). Sorry that was not a horror flick. We have many names named after Havelis and Mahals and Bunglows.But the ones which make it to my list are, Khoon Ki Pyaasi Dayan (The Lady Ghost who is Thristy of Blood) and Haveli Ke Peeche (Behind the Mansion). Other formats include description of timelines (Bees Saal Bad, Sau Saal Baad etc. 20 years later, A hundred years later etc )
Corollary to Rule 1: If name is to be kept short, set the mood right.
Ask the Ramsays. They know it best when it comes to naming movies after ambience/environment.
Start with the sound, go for the building, then a specific room and then doors. Next add an adjective.Ghungroo Ki Awaaz, Daak Bangla, Tahkhana,Guest House,Darwaza,Bandh Darwaza.(The sounds of the Ghungroo, The Bunglow, The Dungeon, Guest House– that you got, The Door, Closed Door) That’s what I meant!! Read the rest of this post »

Sweded!

If you love the movies, you better watch Be Kind Rewind.I am completely swept, Sweded and absolutely blown away. And if I may say, this is what movies should be in the first place. Let’s leave the reviewing part for a while, and take this moment to praise the creative genius that Mr. Michel Gondry is. He has given us one of the most heart wrenching romantic movies of all time (Eternal Sunshine..) and here, he has set out to do a light hearted movie, casted Jack Black and Mos Def in the lead, which even has an uncanny premise to it. Almost silly you might presume. But what happens next is best described as Brilliant with a capital B. And I really don’t care what the ratings are, what the critics say. In a year where the movies are divided into two segments chronologically- Summer Blockbusters and Thanksgiving season, there comes a movie which retells the tale and brings the moral upfront- that movies were all about the heart more than the moolah. And mind you, it IS inspirational in ways more than a million.The plot is pretty much present in a lot of websites already, and so wouldn’t at all qualify as a spoiler if I mention it here. Neither would it matter, because you really HAVE to watch this one to get what I say. Now listen carefully James! Read the rest of this post »